I don't like to cry. I fight it. Hard. But, eventually I have to let the tears fall.
I wish I knew what triggers my tears. Tonight was a semi-normal night. I went to a get together of ladies who are all old friends. We used to all be in a Gel Group (what our church calls small groups) together. We did life together for a period of time and now we've all moved in other directions. Tonight we gathered together and had a potluck meal together. It was fun. I brought pictures of the boys, and of course had to explain why they are still not home. A lot of people who haven't seen me and Chuck in a while assume the boys are home by now. This makes me sad because it means that they think our kids are home and we didn't tell them. Many of them are people who we will totally tell when we get the call to come and get the boys, even if our relationship isn't as tight as it once was. So many people have had a big part in our adoption process over the last 22 months. Anyway, nothing super out of the normal happened, yet right now I sit here on the verge of tears. Why?
Because I miss my beautiful sons. Because I sometimes wonder if they will ever come home. Will the pictures become a bitter reminder of what could have been? And that is not because of a lack of faith. Having gone through a miscarriage taught me that our kids belong to God and He loans them to us. He gives and takes away (but blessed be His name).
Okay, the tears have made it beyond my eyelashes now. I guess it's time for a good cry.
Our adoption paperwork is STILL stuck. There were files released this week from where they are stuck, but ours weren't among them. More tears.
I am weary tonight. This too shall pass. Thank God.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
My heart aches for you, Juli.
I believe the boys are coming home. Why? I believe it because there is no valid reason for them not to. I believe it because I know that you and Chuck will do everything you can to make it so. I know that your tears will make you even more determined and stronger than you are already. There is a time to cry and a time to rejoice. I'm looking forward to the time we all rejoice.
Love,
Mom
Thanks, Mom.
So sorry. I am praying and I have "my people" praying. I can only imagine your heartache.
Thanks, Courtney. Love, Juli
Juli, my heart breaks for you. Know that you have "family" who cries with you. You are in our prayers and never forget that we serve a POWERFUL God who knows your boys and loves them.
Love,
Janie
I was trying to think of something to say to encourage you, but my own words are not adequate. So I will go with this:
"Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." ~Psalm 30:10-12
Think of how God will turn all your tears into dancing when your boys finally do come home!
Janie, thank you for reminding me how powerful our God is. I needed to hear that. I love my Mei Ming family!! Love, Juli
Jen, thank you for those verses. During worship today I pictured in my mind what it will be like when we are the family coming down the corrider at the airport. I even came up with a plan for all four of us to be wearing something that matches (yeah, Chuck is going to hate that...). I trust God that He has that planned for us. Maybe not the matching outfits, but definitely the trip down the airport corrider. Love, Juli
Post a Comment