There's Easy Waiting and There's Hard Waiting

In this journey of adoption there are days of easy waiting and days of hard waiting. I must say that most of the time the wait is on the easy side for me. For so much of it I worked, and that was a huge distraction. Now that I'm home I have lots of little projects around the house that keep me busy, but every now and then I'm just paralyzed with a hard day. Today is one of them.

I woke up this morning, but made the decision to get back into bed and stayed there for two hours with the covers pulled up over my head. My Gracie cat snuggled with me as I tried, tried, tried to fall back to sleep. Even Sabrina cat stayed at my feet and she hates for me to touch her. If you know me well, you know that I'm a professional sleeper and I usually have no trouble sleeping. Light, noise, a full night of sleep - none of that deters me from sleep. I take pride in the fact that I can sleep anytime and anywhere and for extended periods of time. But not this morning. Not in my pillow top bed with my snuggly cat and the blinds drawn tightly closed.

My sister and brother in law are expecting their first child later this month. Collette is due on the 22nd and when I asked her on Saturday how she was feeling she replied, "Like a ripe tomato ready to split!" Some days I feel exactly the same way. Only it's my heart, not my belly that feels like it could split. I don't really think it will split - no, I think that it is growing with more love for our boys. And sometimes that hurts.

I really do believe that God has a purpose in the wait and whether I get to know what that purpose is for is up to God Himself. I believe that the boys will come home in God's perfect timing. I tell people that all the time. But days like today make it hard for me to trust that. We sang an awesome song at church on Sunday called I Will Wait. It's all about waiting on God and how we can choose to praise Him during our wait and how God knows what's in our hearts before we ask and how He is our hope evermore. I cry everytime I sing it. That is the heart that I need to have in this adoption journey. That is what honors God and brings Him glory. And most of the time this song is my truth. But on days like today I have to ask God to help me make this song my truth. He will.