Last winter my friend Jen and I decided to put together the race car beds for the boys. We figured it would be super easy and quick.
We were wrong.
We fought and fought with those beds. They came with the. lamest. directions. ever. On one of them we had to drill a hole to make it fit together right. We broke out in a sweat putting those beds together and it was winter!
Putting those beds together reminds me of the last 6 weeks. Yes, believe it or not, the twins have been home for six weeks now. My oh my how life has changed in those six weeks. Actually, it changed the moment we took them into the airport in Hait.
The hardest part for me has been losing my freedom and independence. I'm an on-the-go kind of gal. I'm not anymore. There are three little people who need me most of the time. I love being needed by them. I love them. I just struggle with the loss of independence. And it's triple fold. There was no easing into parenthood for Chuck and me. Wham... it happened.
Never has the idea of "dying to self" been more on my mind. I'm a selfish person. I am. I know we all are to some extent, but I am really selfish. When I think of dying to self I think of Linda. I've known Linda for over 8 years now and in that time I've watched her consistently serve her family. It's just what she does, whether she wants to or not. And she does it joyfully. That's how I want to be. I want to learn to die to self in such a way that I'm able to joyfully serve my family. I'm not there yet.
This whole dying to self and instant threefold parenthood has made me feel like a square peg trying hard to fit into a round hole. It has not come natural. It is not an easy fit, but I am being more and more molded. God is definitely at work in me and has done so much in my heart over the last six weeks. These weeks have been hard. Balancing a newborn with the homecoming of the twins has not been easy, but God is showing me more and more how to do it. I've learned to ask for help and accept help. God is good in all of this; whether it comes easy or hard.
On a side note, our family is in Holland, MI this weekend. It is freezing here. Freezing! We are having a good time, though. All three boys have been great in the van. If you think to, please pray for Chuck. He's been sick for six weeks now and is not getting any better. He is feeling pretty rough today. Thanks.
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3 comments:
Miss you all - 2-3 weeks left on my big project.
Change is never easy, is it? - I'm so ready for change right now and yet I know that some days are just plain gonna' be better than others. Go easy on yourself, Girl! The growth you've experienced through the before parenthood period is so obvious, cannot imagine the growth in the after parenthood period - anything will seem easy after this!
Thanks for your honesty,keeping it real, and being a great example of God's work in process!
God Bless you Juli, your boys are awesome :-) What a busy and loud home you must have...good thing you're young! Terry
Praying for Chuck.
God has used my children continually to mold me. You are not alone.
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