Two years ago yesterday was the due date of a baby that I miscarried.
Two years ago yesterday we got news that our adoption application was approved and we would be adopting from Haiti.
Two years ago today I prayed very early in the morning and thanked God for getting me through the due date day. It was during that prayer that I realized something. Here is an excerpt from my prayer journal that morning:
What an amazing day yesterday! I had been so afraid of November 8th and I didn't even shed a tear. There was just overflowing joy and excitement about our adoption. Also, I had a thought this morning. I've told You that I expected to be pregnant by November 8th and I realized that our baby is in the womb right now - more than likely! That isn't ironic - that's You. Thank You. So please be with our baby and his or her mom.
Two years ago today our precious sons were born and I was praying for them as they were being born. What a gift that is. They were born at home, and their family wasn't expecting two babies. Two years ago today their birthmom passed away. Two years ago today thier birthfather, in great mourning, began to care for his two sons on his own because he had no family to help him. For a little over two months he took care of them before realizing he couldn't do it on his own.
Two. It's an important number today.
I have two competing emotions today. Happiness and sadness. Happiness because I can look back and so clearly see the hand of God. Happiness because our boys have made it to two years old in a country where a lot of babies don't make it to two. And I have sadness. Sadness that they are spending their birthday in an orphanage. Sadness because they have no idea that it's their birthday or what a birthday is. Sadness because they won't be wearing party hats or blowing out candles. I also have sadness for their birthfather. Today marks two years since he lost his wife. I can't imagine how hard today is for him.
Two. No child should have to spend their 2nd birthday, or any birthday for that matter, in an orphanage.
Two.
Happy Birthday, Noah Elise and Samuel Eli. I'm so sorry we're not together.
19 comments:
Even though you are not physically there with your beautiful sons you are in their hearts just like they are in yours. While you can't be there today I know that God is, He is also with the baby you lost and I hope that thought brings you comfort today. I wish I were there to give you a hug. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMUEL AND NOAH!
All of my love,
Amanda
Thanks, Amanda. Surprisingly, I'm not as depressed today as I expected. God is good! Love ya, Juli
Juli,
I am welling up thinking of all this day means for you. Thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable. You are precious.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOYS!
Love,
AUNT COURTNEY (YES I AM THEIR AUNT NOW)
Happy birthday precious twins!
Juli, I'd love to say you'll forget the one you lost or at least that the pain goes away. And it does for the most part but out of the blue last Aug 15 I thought about the fact that it should have been my first child's 18th birthday and I totally lost it. (And I was in Haiti at the time!)
Keep hanging on! You're in the final stretch on your adoption. And next year you'll probably take enough birthday pictures to make up for the missed ones : )
Courtney, you can totally be their aunt!! You might have to fight Christi for the position of #1 Aunt, but that's between you two!!
Kathy, I don't think I knew you lost a baby. I'm so sorry.
I never in a million years imagined the boys wouldn't be home by now. I've stopped saying thing's like, "This is the last _______ Noah and Samuel won't be here for." I've said that on every single holiday in the last year and I was wrong.
Yeah....so....I'm the #1 Aunt. Let's ALL just try to remember that.
I'm willing to share the Aunt title though....
Well, maybe...
Either way...
Happy Birf-day little mugs!
Your #1 Aunt loves you and has yet to meet you!
When you're older and read this I'm sure you'll be able to feel all of the love of your family and your mom and dads friends.
We can't wait till your home!!!
Juli---have a piece of cake for me. Make it two. (one for each boy...)
Lots O Love,
Christi
Happy 2nd Birthday Noah and Samuel!!!
I too lost a baby. I think of here every June. I lost her June 8th and I think of her every January as that is when she would have been born. We do not know if she was a girl for sure, but I felt that God let me know she was. What a day it will be in heaven when we all hold our babies in our arms.
Don't worry Christi... you will be number one. I will be the far away aunt that prays for them all of the time.
Sounds good Courtney!!
:)
You can visit, sometimes.
Hee hee!
Christi
Juli,
Some pains never go away fully, but God is good, just like you said, and someday we will all be holding those precious babies in heaven, that we never got to hold on earth.
I know the wait is hard, but I promise you...once they are home, you forget how hard it was. Otherwise no one would do it twice!
Praying for the day when we get to see those boys home with you and Chuck.
Love,
Natalie
Happy Birthday Samuel and Noah! I can't wait to spoil you silly. :)
Love always,
Grandma
Thanks, everyone, for your posts. They mean a lot to us. Love, Juli
Juli,
I can't imagine how hard all this has been on you but I am glad to see you are keeping strong and continuing to rely on God.
I'll be keeping the boys and your adoption process in my prayers.
Love you,
Dana
I feel like I'm a day late reading this...sorry. Juli, you're an awesome mommy. And they never have been this close to coming "home"! This time next year you will be so busy with the twins 3rd birthday, planning thanksgiving, getting ready for Christmas, I can't wait to read all about the fun! Oh, wait a minute...You probably won't have time for this journal! Well, at least you can post a picture or two:-)
Happy Birthday Boys! Auntie Terry (I want to be an Aunt too, where do I sign up!)
Juli, This is beautiful. What an amazing road the Lord has led you and Chuck down. There just aren't words for how awesome it will be to see the two of you holding the two of them. Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy -- we're going to be right there shouting with you!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH AND SAMUEL (Your parents picked the best names for you!) :)
Love,
Stephanie Tait
Thank you, all. God has blessed us with such wonderful friends through this long journey. Love, Juli
Juli-
You and Chuck
Let's try that again, Juli - You and Chuck......
Well, you're both such an inspiration. You've been such an encouragement and we're not even very far into our adoption process yet. You know my story, I empathize with your pain. What birthday gifts to your boys - hope, faith and your amazing perseverance! Imagine how much greater the joy, after this pain!
Much Love,
Terri M.
Ahh, Terri. You made me all misty eyed. Thank you. YOU are an inspiration to me!! I'm praying for you! Love, Juli
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