Home 6 Months

It is hard to believe that Noah and Samuel have been home 6 months already! In some ways, time has flown by, and in other ways it has been a very long 6 months - though I think that has everything to do with the timing of Tristan's birth and the twins' homecoming.

The pain of the wait for the twins to come home is a less vivid memory now, though if I take the time to really think about it, I remember. Time seemed to pass excruciatingly slowly while waiting for them to come home, and now the days just fly by. I'm just having a hard time reconciling how quickly these 6 months have gone by with how hard waiting for them to come home was.

Anywhoo, that's enough about me. Noah and Samuel amaze us every.single.day. They have come such a long way in this short amount of time. When they came home they were afraid of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. We had big plans to take them to fun places and try fun things at home and we weren't able to do any of that for a while. They were afraid of stuffed animals. Of our cats. Of cars that were too loud. Of weird lighting. Of things we couldn't see. Of playgrounds. Of crowds of people. Of loud music. Of everything, it seemed. We just stayed in as much as possible in the beginning. And Tristan complicated everything. I've read about laid-back babies. He was not one of those in the early months. He was very demanding. As in must-be-held-every-waking-moment demanding. There was so much that I wanted to do with the twins, but Tristan kept me from much of it. I'm so thankful they had each other to play with. I can't imagine what it would have been like if we only adopted one child and had a newborn. I know that sounds silly, but they really occupied one another well while I took care of Tristan. A good friend told me that God gave us twins for a reason!

I'm so thankful that Chuck's employer was flexible with us. I was terrified to be home with all three by myself in the beginning. It was so overwhelming. Chuck was home with us for a number of weeks and then worked from home for a number of weeks. It was such a blessing. And it continues to be a blessing.

Noah and Samuel just continue to blossom. Their English is literally exploding daily. The wonderful and amazing Terri was here yesterday and commented on how much they've learned. It really is incredible.

Noah is a wonderful big brother. He loves loves loves Tristan. He is patient and engaging with him. He loves to make him smile and laugh. He is gentle and compassionate. If Tristan cries, Noah lets me know. Noah is definitely musically inclined. He can pick up a beat quick. He claps to music perfectly. He can pick up a tune and sing it exactly as he heard it. He has an infectious laugh and totally knows how to crack us up. He is quite a bit taller than Samuel now - about an entire head. He is ready to move into 4T pants; in fact I got some out last night for him. Noah loves to be hugged and kissed. We call kisses "sugar" and he loves to ask me for some sugar. When I pick him up he wraps himself completely around me. He is a lover.

Samuel keeps us laughing... and on our toes! He is one funny little guy. He loves to cross his eyes and make silly faces. He is really good at playing alone. He plays so differently than Noah. He lines up his dinosaurs and cars. He is getting really good at puzzles. He and Noah are both very into "fishies" right now. They have some plastic fish that they play Nemo and Dory with. Samuel loves music, too. Probably his favorite thing to do is kick a ball around. And he's really good at it! We may have a soccer player here. Samuel is a daredevil. He loves to be picked up, flipped, and swung around. Both boys love cars, but Samuel is completely enamored with them. Nine months before the boys came home we ran across a really good deal on some Cars bedding sets. Since my mom had already purchased race car beds for them, we decided to do their room in Cars. God is at work in even these kind of details! We had no idea what love they would have for cars. Samuel was beside himself when he realized his bed was a "machin"! Samuel isn't as affectionate as Noah. He definitely gives and receives hugs and sugar, but not as willingly - mostly because he's got things to play with! While Noah is willing to drop what he's doing and embrace for a moment, Samuel doesn't like pulling away from what he's doing for a quick hug. We are keeping our eyes on this, but I really think that it's mostly part of who he is. I just don't think he's as affectionate. I'm not as affectionate as my sister and I'm not adopted. Samuel tends to be the more defiant of the two. Both have a new-found love for the word, "NO!" However, Samuel is using it more, and he really acts surprised when his no isn't well received. Samuel's bowed legs are barely bowed anymore! As our doctor says, "Isn't it amazing what good nutrition will do?" We were really scared about Samuel's legs when he came home. They were freakishly bowed and one leg literally seemed to bend sideways at the knee. We were sure he was going to end up in braces, if not surgery. Along with good nutrition, God has definitely healed Samuel's legs!

From the perspective of bonding and attachment, we have very few concerns. Bonding and attachment is a journey, not a destination, so this will be something we work on for a long, long time. We'd rather overwork it than underwork it! Many people want to know when they can hold and hug our kids. There are many people who waited alongside us, loving our kids from afar. And it is natural to want to hold them, to hug them. Unfortunately, we've found that these types of things cause problems. We have only allowed them to be held by others a few times and each time has had a ripple effect. They don't want to come to us afterward. They want to go back to the person who held them. They become super upset when that person leaves. So, for now, that boundary will stay in place. Along with that we make sure that we are the only ones meeting their needs for food, drinks, diaper changes, and comfort when scared or hurt. They really get, cognitively, that we are mommy and daddy. But there is something deeper that we need to keep reinforcing, and so we do. The only times we leave the boys is in a group childcare situation in which our boundaries have been communicated. Currently, though, the boys begin crying immediately if we try to leave them so we aren't really leaving them for now. Noah does better with this than Samuel and he actually stayed in childcare Sunday night during a baptism service. Samuel really, really wanted to play, but wanted me to stay, too, so he sat with me during the service (I stay with them in class on Sunday mornings).

I realize that some people with no adoption experience may read this and think we are babying our kids or parenting them wrong. Our boundaries may seem like overkill. I certainly don't expect non-adopting people to study bonding and attachment. But please realize that we have done our research and we are acting in the best interest of our kids - whether or not you understand it (or like it).

Just last night Chuck mentioned that Noah and Samuel are doing so much better than he ever expected and I couldn't agree more. I'm sure that so much of that has to do with prayer, so thank you for keeping our family lifted in prayer. Thank you for all the love, support, encouragement, and friendship. It hasn't been easy, but it has been SO worth it! I can't wait to see what the next 6 months bring!!