My heart is so full tonight.
I just tucked the twins into bed. We whispered our I love yous. We talked about the day. We read a book. We said our prayers. And I'm fairly certain that they went to bed feeling loved and secure.
Don't get me wrong - life is hard here in the Cason house. We have our share of whining, crying, and timeouts. Life comes at you fast when you have three kids three and under. Not to mention that the three year olds are really not emotionally or developmentally three years old.
But, life is good and I can't imagine going back to life without kids. When I think back on those days, they seem empty. They seem somehow selfish or shallow now. Yes, I sometimes daydream of sleeping in or taking a nap or going out by myself with no time restriction. Going from no kids to three kids has been the biggest lesson I've ever had in dying to self.
There were days early on when I truly wondered what we were thinking, what God had allowed. It was SO. HARD. And I was SO. SCARED. I just didn't know what I was doing. So much had changed in such a short period of time. My body was an abyss of raging hormones and it was healing from the c-section. Depression had set in. I couldn't enjoy the kids because it was all just so overwhelming. And I was afraid to blog about it because 1) I know some of my readers are still waiting for kids. Horribly long waits. How could I whine about all my blessings when their arms were still empty. 2) Pride. I didn't want people to know how hard I was struggling. And I was struggling hard. Chuck was my absolute rock (well, aside from Jesus!). He made sure I got rest. He made sure I got out of the house and still does. He prayed for me. He pointed me toward help. 3) I really didn't have time to think through how I was feeling and type it out.
Finally I'm at a place where I am really loving being a mom. Yes, it is hard work. I never really feel "caught up." I don't shower as often as I like. Sometimes I wear my pj's all day long. I don't get out of the house as often as I like. But, it is all good and I can't imagine my life any other way than how it is now.
I know some of you prayed for me, for us. I can't adequately express my gratitude. Your prayers upheld us, especially in those blurry early days. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And thank You, Jesus, for a full heart and home.
I just want to add that if you've recently brought a child or children home and you're struggling, I don't have all the answers, but I do know how you feel. I'm here for you, just send me an email.
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5 comments:
Juli, although it's a completly diffent situation. I totally understand. I understand the feelings of question, Why do things happen the way they do? I ask this often. Probally too much. You know with Noah we have our really high highs, and really low lows. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And God will not give us more than we can handle. I do have to remind myself this often. Sometimes it feels like to much. Prayers are with you. Miss you.
...We have our share of whining, crying, and timeouts...
And that's just you and Chuck!
Hahahaahahahaha!
Love you!
Your entire family is a blessing not only to you, but to me.
God, in His infinite knowledge, has blessed.
Love,
Mom
I am so happy for you. Never feel guilty for being overwhelmed. Everyone has their moments, and with your situation you were more than justified.
We have and continue to pray for you daily as you adjust to life. I am so glad things are getting easier. There is always an adjustment period. One day you will hardly remember life without those 3!
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