Please Pray

Please pray for my knee.

I was on the floor on my knees playing with Tristan and something went wrong with my knee. This knee has given me trouble in the past - I've dislocated it more than once and I've done lots of PT on it. An MRI was done three years ago and they found nothing wrong with it.

I'm just praying for complete healing if it's God's will. Please join me in doing that. I can't imagine adding a bum knee to my list of daily stuff. But, if God wants to allow that I just need His grace to get through it.

Thanks.

Surprise!

Well, I pulled it off. I managed to throw Chuck a surprise birthday party today and he didn't figure it out!

I sent Chuck for a massage this afternoon and while he was gone some friends and I got the house ready. He came home to a house full of people. Yay!!

For the sake of the boys, I had to keep the guest list small. I pretty much limited it to people he hangs out with on a weekly basis and then some good friends. And of course I missed people. Like you, Terri. How could I forget to invite you?! I put the guest list together and sent out the Evite last Saturday while nursing Tristan. Chuck kept coming into the room so I had to keep shutting my laptop. So, while I feel terrible that I missed people, I have grace for myself given the circumstances of my planning (or lack there of...). That, folks, is growth for me.

Anyhow, there are some very special people I need to thank. Co (that's Nicole to those over age 5) picked up the cake and some forgotten items for me. She showed up early and stayed late and kept Tristan for most of the party. She also did the dirty job of clean up - and who likes to clean up after a party?? Thanks, Nicole. You showed me love and service today. The fabulous Austin's came early and helped me set up. Poor Billy had the task of de-spiderwebbing a table. Dominique and Erwin also showed up early (without even being asked to!) and helped get things set up. Dana stuck it out with Nicole after everyone left and helped clean up. She also left her cream cheese and pastrami dip and crackers (which I'm presently munching on!)

All together we had 24 adults and 19 kids. Yeah, and that was on a very limited guest list. I can't imagine what the totals would have been if I had invited everyone I wanted to invite. Last November we had a party with 70-some people and thankfully it was nice out and we could go outdoors. Today was pretty cold so we were all crammed inside.

Today was fun, but now I am exhausted. I'm so thankful we have friends we share life with.

Happy Birthday, My Love

Today is Chuck's birthday, so in honor of him here's a list of what I love about him:

• I love how you love me. It is the closest thing to unconditional love that I know.
• I love your confidence in yourself - it's not cocky - you are just sure of who you are and who you are not.
• I love the way you love people. It is sincere and full of concern. It is authentic and asks the hard questions.
• I love how you stand up for what is right. Even when it's hard and most people would back down.
• I love how you have jumped right into fatherhood. From the moment Tristan was born you've been wholeheartedly involved in his little life. You loved Noah and Samuel from afar. You anguished over them as the months turned into years of waiting. And seeing you in action with them makes my heart swell with pride that you are my husband and their daddy.
• I love how you are willing to try new things - even if you don't know what you are doing.
• I love the way you love life.
• I love your excitement in all things. This world has tried, but it has not succeeded in jading you yet.
• I love how you suck it up all the time when you are in immense pain and rarely show how much your back (and knees and ankles!) hurt. You don't let it stop you from doing the things you love and playing with our kids. You are so strong.
• I love your servant heart. I wish I was more like you.
• I love that you know how to relax and that you know when you need to.
• I love how you are able to read people and meet their needs.
• I love your longing and love to know God more.
• I love your desire to share Him with lost people.

Simply put, I love you more than simple words can say. You are incredible.

Love, Me

Three Years Ago

Martin Luther King Jr Day of 2006 was a big day in our home.

I have very good memory of that day. Chuck and I were both off from work that day. I remember that I thoroughly cleaned the house that day because we had company coming over that night. I spilled a big jug of cooking oil and it made a huge mess. I had a dentist appointment late in the afternoon and I grocery shopped for ingredients for chili.

Our company that evening was a guy who was being interviewed at our church (for the position that Chuck eventually took) and his wife. When our church is thinking about hiring someone they have as many people from our church as possible meet with the couple and get to know them. They were awesome and we had a ton of fun hanging out with them and getting to know them. We totally wanted him to be hired. They left our house late. After cleaning up a little I went to check my email. That's when we first learned about Noah and Samuel. My heart beats faster now as I think about my excitement as I read the email. I knew without a doubt that they were our sons. However, we wanted God to confirm it. He did just that over the next three days and on January 19, 2006 we committed to adopt our sons. My eyes just flood with tears now as I think back on it. The boys were only 10 weeks old. We had started the process to adopt from Haiti right around the time they were born in November of 2005.

I never imagined we would wait so very long to bring them home. So much has changed in these three years. Chuck changed careers and I left working outside the home. We moved. We started a church. We had a baby. Noah and Samuel finally came home. And God has faithfully and lovingly guided us along the way. I am humbled by His love and grace. I am humbled that He chose us to parent these two little boys (and Tristan, too!).

I'm not quite sure what to call today (referral day, committment day?), but it is definitely a day worth celebrating and thanking God for.

And I must thank all of you who have been on this journey with us. Some of you have been along for the entire ride and we are so thankful for your faithfulness to pray our family through these last three years. It's the prayers of all of you that kept us going and keep us going. Thank you!

Mark 15 - Thought Provoking

Our church has been challenged to read through the New Testament (and Psalms and Proverbs) together this year. Our Lead Pastor came up with a reading plan for us to follow and I'm trying to make sure I read each day. I believe there is power in doing this together as a church and so far God is really opening my eyes as I read. I'm experiencing the Bible in a way I haven't before and I'm thankful God is honoring my reading in this way.

If you go to Forefront and you're not yet reading the Bible with us, I encourage you to join in on the reading. I think our church has the potential to really honor God and do some cool things this year the more people join in on this. In the brief 15 days I've been doing this (and yeah, I've missed a few days already) my life has gotten better. That's not some cheesy testimony. It is the truth for me. And it can be your truth too.

Recently I got all three kids on the same nap schedule. WOOHOO. Quiet time alone in the middle of the day energizes me since I'm an introvert. The do-er in me wants to be knocking out housework during this time, but I've been reading the daily reading instead. I just finished reading up Mark 15. (Okay, I just read through this and saw the typo. I was going to fix it, but "reading up" is kind of like "eating up" and I really feel like I am eating up what I'm reading in a way.)

In verses 1-15 it talks about Jesus being handed over to Pilate and how Pilate hands Him over to be crucified. Basically, Pilate knows they don't have a case against Jesus, but in order to satisfy the crowd and keep the peace, he hands Him over. I've read this plenty of times before. And I always looked at it from the perspective of Pilate. Today as I read, the thought came to me, "How many times have I crucified Jesus to satisfy the crowd?" I can promise you that thought wasn't from me. I don't come up with stuff like that. I believe God put that thought in my head.

The truth is I have handed Jesus over to be crucified. Rather than stand behind what I know to be true about Him, I try to satisfy my crowd and say nothing. I know, I know. In this world it is important to be politically correct. We wouldn't want to offend anyone, now would we? But am I willing to offend MY SAVIOR instead? That is hard to choke down, but it is the truth for me. I pray that from this day forward I behave less like Pilate and more like a follower of Christ. Cause really, who wants to be like Pilate?

Amen.

Belly to Back

Just last night I was telling my sister how Tristan rolled from his back to his belly three times and then quit as if to say, "This isn't all you said it would be. I quit."

Well, just now I put him on a blanket on the floor on his belly and ran to the restroom really quick. He started crying while I was in there so I rushed back and the punk was on his back.

Apparently he likes to do new tricks when we aren't looking.

Another milestone. My little baby is growing up. Excuse me while I go cry.

Cried Like a Baby...

Noah and Samuel's certificates of citizenship (finally!) came today. The emotion I felt when opening them was unexpected. I thought the certificate was just another sheet of paper, but as I looked them over (praying against mistakes) and read the letter from President Bush, I realized a few things.

First and foremost, it is a privilege to be an American citizen. Whether our economy is in the crapper, or we have been at war for too long, or whatever else may be wrong in this country - it is still a great big, huge deal that my boys are eligible for all this country offers. I in no way am saying that I think the US is better than Haiti. In fact, I think there is a level of spirituality and communion with God that we can completely miss in this country because our needs are so readily met. The absolute and pure joy that many Haitians have is unlike anything I've seen here in America. Witnessing the joy of the Lord in Haiti is something I cherish.

As I sit here looking at my smiling boys (all three of them!) I thank God for the journey we have had so far. And I look forward to what lies ahead.

(Side note: Because I didn't know to change our address with USCIS [I thought the updated homestudy took care of that], the original certificates issued were lost in the mail. I've been working on getting these reissued certificates since early October. Nothing, it seems, is easy when it comes to adoption!)

Makes Me Think

Yesterday I had someone out to fix my fridge. The water spigot on the door was misplaced and water kind of sprayed everywhere when we would try to get water. It was an easy fix and was free since we had bought a warranty.

The guy who came out to fix my fridge called early in the morning. I missed the call because I was changing a disgusting diaper. He left a message telling me that he'd be by between 10 and 12, which narrowed down the original timefram of 8-12. When I listened to the message, it was pretty obvious that this guy was not the least bit excited about coming to my house.

I later (after the guy was gone) learned that he also called Chuck. The guy was pretty rude about needing to see our original receipt, which Chuck assured him was on the fridge waiting for him. Chuck also got the impression that the guy wasn't excited about coming to our home and was maybe hoping we didn't have the needed receipt so he wouldn't have to come over.

When the guy got here he was super polite and professional. He was interested in learning from where Noah and Samuel had been adopted. He asked if we were planning to go to the Winter Jam, which is a local Christian concert that benefits adoptions. He also shared with me that he and his wife sponsor a child in Mongolia.

I was able to deduce that this man was a Christian by the "Christian" things he spoke of. And I think he spoke of them because he figured out I was a Christian. I was not able to tell he was a Christian based on how he treated me and Chuck on the phone, though. I'm not sharing this to judge the guy because I do the same thing.

How often am I short or clipped with someone and then my tune changes when I learn they are a Christian? Or, worse, how often have I been short or clipped or just plain rude to someone and then they figure out that I'm a Christian. Not good. Not good at all. I'm thankful that I had this experience yesterday because it really made me take a look at myself and what I do.

A Full Heart

My heart is so full tonight.

I just tucked the twins into bed. We whispered our I love yous. We talked about the day. We read a book. We said our prayers. And I'm fairly certain that they went to bed feeling loved and secure.

Don't get me wrong - life is hard here in the Cason house. We have our share of whining, crying, and timeouts. Life comes at you fast when you have three kids three and under. Not to mention that the three year olds are really not emotionally or developmentally three years old.

But, life is good and I can't imagine going back to life without kids. When I think back on those days, they seem empty. They seem somehow selfish or shallow now. Yes, I sometimes daydream of sleeping in or taking a nap or going out by myself with no time restriction. Going from no kids to three kids has been the biggest lesson I've ever had in dying to self.

There were days early on when I truly wondered what we were thinking, what God had allowed. It was SO. HARD. And I was SO. SCARED. I just didn't know what I was doing. So much had changed in such a short period of time. My body was an abyss of raging hormones and it was healing from the c-section. Depression had set in. I couldn't enjoy the kids because it was all just so overwhelming. And I was afraid to blog about it because 1) I know some of my readers are still waiting for kids. Horribly long waits. How could I whine about all my blessings when their arms were still empty. 2) Pride. I didn't want people to know how hard I was struggling. And I was struggling hard. Chuck was my absolute rock (well, aside from Jesus!). He made sure I got rest. He made sure I got out of the house and still does. He prayed for me. He pointed me toward help. 3) I really didn't have time to think through how I was feeling and type it out.

Finally I'm at a place where I am really loving being a mom. Yes, it is hard work. I never really feel "caught up." I don't shower as often as I like. Sometimes I wear my pj's all day long. I don't get out of the house as often as I like. But, it is all good and I can't imagine my life any other way than how it is now.

I know some of you prayed for me, for us. I can't adequately express my gratitude. Your prayers upheld us, especially in those blurry early days. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And thank You, Jesus, for a full heart and home.

I just want to add that if you've recently brought a child or children home and you're struggling, I don't have all the answers, but I do know how you feel. I'm here for you, just send me an email.

Goodbye, Friends

I hate goodbyes.

I hated them when I was a kid. We would visit our Dad each summer and I hated saying goodbye to my Mom, and to my Dad when we came back.

I hated when friends went away to college, when neighbors moved, and when coworkers left.

Chuck was in the military for the first 8 years of our marriage. In that time we moved 7 times, and three of those were relocations to new states. I hated saying goodbye to friends and family. In fact, over time I've come to this place where I stay in denial about the move rather than prepare myself for the emotional rollercoaster (yeah, real healthy, I know).

Some of our very best friends are moving away in 4 days. It is getting really hard to stay in denial about it. They sold their house and moved out. They've had one going away party and another is scheduled for tomorrow. They've changed their cell phone numbers and now have out of state area codes. They keep friggin talking about it, too, which makes it very hard for me to keep up this delusion that they aren't moving away.

Vince and Jen started Forefront Church, the church we attend, the one Chuck works at, nearly 11 years ago. They are some of the most awesome people I've ever met and their kids, Dawson and Marissa, rock too. But, the most awesome thing I need to mention is why they are moving. They are moving because God said so. They don't want to. God has sent this family to start a church in Las Vegas. Not just anywhere in Las Vegas, but right on the strip. They are starting a church for people who work or live on and around the strip in Las Vegas. They are taking their light to one of the darkest places in this country. And I'm so proud of them. That kind of makes it hard for me to get mad at them for moving away.

So, if you think to, say a prayer for them. In fact, commit to praying for them. Moving is hard. They are moving to a brand new place and have to start all over - new friends, new schools, new work places, new doctors, new dentists, new stores, new everything. It is exciting, yes, but still hard. I know God is going to totally take care of them, so I'm not worried. They've got my prayers for sure.

Vince, Jen, Dawson and Marissa - I love you guys. You are awesome and I'm so proud of you for living out your faith like this. You will totally be missed here. Love, Juli