Really, God?

I have said those two words so many times. Sometimes life seems to throw me a curve ball and I just have to say, "Really, God?"

Like when we totally thought the Coast Guard was going to send us to California in 2004 and instead Chuck's detailer "forgot about him." Really, God? We ended up staying in the Hampton Roads area and our lives have been so enriched here. Thank you, God.

Or when we lost a baby in April, 2005 to miscarriage. Really, God? It was such a heartwrenching experience - pain I wish on no one. But if we hadn't experienced that miscarriage, we wouldn't have started our adoption later that year.

Or maybe when I distinctly heard God tell me I needed to go to Haiti in July of 2005. Really, God? And I went. And that swung open the door to adopting from Haiti.

Or how about when we learned in January of 2006 that the orphan I cared for back in July - the one we wanted to adopt - had a family. Really, God? Then, the very next day we received the referral for Noah and Samuel.

Or how about when we learned that Chuck would never be deployable again after his back surgery and that meant his Coast Guard career was over. Really, God? After 10 years in the milirary it all comes to an end? And God provided a medical retirement for Chuck.

Honestly, I could go on and on.

My most recent "Really, God?" experience has to do with starting a church in Michigan. "Really, God, fundraising is not going to come through?" "Really, God, there isn't a single job for Chuck?" "You're closing the door on this, God? Really? But we told everyone we were going."

When it comes to starting a church, there are a few ways to do it. The first is to fundraise hundreds of thousands of dollars and begin having church services in a rented (or possibly owned) space with paid staff, equipment, etc. That was the route we were hoping to go. However, the rough economic times have made it impossible to raise that kind of money. There are church planting organizations that give money to new churches, but right now they are out of money. Another option we had was for Chuck to find a regular job and then build our ministry from our home. The big problem with this model is that Chuck was not able to find a job. Unemployment is extreme in Michigan. The collapse of the auto industry has had tremendous impact on employment in Michigan. Without a job, we would need to live with family. And we don't have family that has a big enough home to host us long term, if needed. As we prayed about all these things we came to the harsh reality that going to Michigan right now is just not an open door. Gosh, how I wrestled with God over that. If He called us there, why was He making it impossible to go?? I'm not sure. I don't know the answer. I have some theories, though.

Perhaps God simply broke Chuck's heart for Michigan. A little over a year ago Chuck became very burdened for southeast Michigan. Did we mistaken that burden for a calling? I don't know.

Maybe God wanted to see if our hearts were willing. I have shared here before - one of the last places on earth I want to move to is Michigan. The climate is rough there. I drive horrible in the snow. For Chuck, there is no surf and cold weather is physically painful for him because of his back. But we were willing to go if that's where God wanted us. And maybe God just wanted to know if we were willing. I don't know.

Another theory is that God pointed us toward Michigan to get us moving, and then would show us something else (which He did, keep reading). You see, we were long-term committed to Chesapeake, VA. We felt that if we started the church campus in Chesapeake, we needed to commit at least 5 years to it. So maybe God broke Chuck's heart for MI in order to get us moving. Again, I don't know.

I'm really not sure why things have happened the way they have, but they have. There are just some things I'm not going to understand this side of Heaven, and maybe this is one of them. We are fully open to going to MI if that's where God wants us, but right now He's not making it possible for us to go.

So, the next question is what do we do now? Some would say that we should just stay put. However, God has made it clear to us through many circumstances, situations, and people that our time here has come to a close. A lot of that has been rather painful and I won't go into detail about all of that. We simply know that it is time to move on.

So, where are we going? I'm so glad you asked. We are going to Las Vegas and we are leaving in 6 weeks!!

If that seems completely crazy, let me share some things.

The founding pastor of the church that we are currently at left last year to start a church on the Las Vegas strip. Part of his story is that his father ruined his family in Las Vegas gambling. So it's quite poetic that God would send him there to reach out to people just like his father. When Vince announced to our church that he was leaving to start this church he made it clear that he was not taking any staff with him. Our church would have enough change to process through with his family's departure so he didn't want to add to that burden by taking other staff members with him. Right after the meeting Chuck told him, "Man, if I could I'd pack my bags and go with you." And Vince replied, "Well you can't." End of story, right? Wrong.

In June our church's leadership made the tough decision to close the Chesapeake campus. By then we had shared that we were going to eventually go to Michigan to start a church (though at that time we thought it would be a few years because we were committed to Chesapeake for 5 years). That is when we began moving forward with plans to go to Michigan, so Chuck was planning to leave our church, not because anyone was "taking him."

Well, as the doors began to slam shut to Michigan, we began to think and pray about Las Vegas. Well, let me correct that. Chuck began to think and pray about Las Vegas. I wouldn't because I was close-minded to anything besides Michigan. Even though those doors were slamming shut, I felt like we needed to go there because that's what God said.

In late September I surrendered my closed mind to God and told Him that I would open my mind to the idea of going to Las Vegas. All the while, Vince and Chuck were talking frequently about what things would look like if our family moved to Las Vegas. Vince wanted Chuck to come and intern at Verve and Chuck very much wanted the experience of helping to start a new church with Vince. As Chuck prayed, he felt peace about moving our family to Las Vegas. And I can't underestimate that peace because relocating a young family like ours across the country is a big deal.

In early October I went to Las Vegas for 6 days with an open mind and heart. I went with a few other girls and we visited with Jen, Vince's wife. She is one of my best friends and it was so good to see her. We talked at length about the closed doors in Michigan and how our time was over in Virginia. I told her I just wasn't sure what we should do. That particular night I asked God to speak to me through the shuffled music I was listening to on my iPod. The songs I heard spoke of a desert and the Valley of the Bones. I won't say that "God spoke to me" with those songs, but I definitely take them into consideration.

So, Chuck and I have decided (and believe me, it's after MUCH prayer) that we will go to Las Vegas for at least the next two years to help launch Verve Church. From there, we will go as God leads. If He asks us to go to Michigan, we are willing. If he sends us out on the mission field, we will be honored to go. If He asks us to stay in Vegas or go anywhere else, we stay or go as He leads.

After making this decision, we've had so much peace. And that is just crazy! We are 6 weeks out from relocating our family across the country to a new climate, a new home; new everything! And we feel peace about this decision. In fact, we feel excitement. And broken heartedness, too. There are a lot of hurting people in Las Vegas. "Anything goes" there and the things I've learned about what happens in Las Vegas and in Nevada in general just breaks my heart. My eyes have been opened to the sex slave industry. It is awful.

As a side note, I don't want to discount the hurting people in Michigan. It is really hard times there. Harder than most people in this country have experienced. You can't understand it until you've been there. I can't compare the hurting people in Las Vegas with the hurting people in southeast Michigan. Chuck's heart was truly broken last year for Michigan and it has been tough to acknowledge the closed doors there. On our last trip to Michigan Chuck was really encouraged to learn of a church 20 minutes away from where we wanted to start a church. He was unaware of this church up until recently and after meeting with the Lead Pastor there, he sees that there is a good church in the area that he can pray for and direct people to.

I haven't even begun to think about leaving all my friends here behind. I'm very focused on all the details that need to come together for our move, so I'm not really thinking about the things I'll leave behind. The familiarity of my favorite grocery store, mall, etc. We've lived in this area for over 7 years now and we've put down some serious roots. The friendships we've made are incredible and I tend to go into denial about leaving all of that behind. So, if I seem unemotional about leaving, please know that it's just a defense mechanism - I really do care!

Our family will, of course, be busy over the next 6 weeks, but not to busy to spend time with our friends here. We look forward to spending time with everyone we love before we go. Please don't think for a second that we are too busy to spend time with you.

So, there you have it! Vegas, here we come!!!

Red Rock Canyon, one of the most beautiful places I've ever been