Outside the Camp

Tomorrow marks three weeks until I move to Las Vegas. My life gets completely turned upside down in about 2 1/2 weeks because we are packing up the house 3 days before me and the boys fly out and Chuck leaves 2 days before we fly out. My gracious friend, Dana, has offered for me and the boys to stay with her. She has NO IDEA what she has invited into her quiet home!

I really thought these last few weeks would look different than they do. I thought we would be out with friends and catching up with people, but we are not. I guess the holidays are not a good time to be moving away. My mind is just now starting to really realize that there are some people I'm probably not going to see again. Ever. Wow. I didn't expect this feeling of lonliness to set in before we get to Las Vegas. It is very weird.

I've been making a special effort to stay close to God during this time. Today I finished a wonderful workbook study on the Beatitudes. It's from the "Following God" series and it's called "Renewing the Heart for Women... Life Principles from the Beatitudes" by Barbara Henry. I HIGHLY recommend it. The final study was about walking with Jesus as it pertains to suffering. My heart was opened to all kinds of new ideas about what it means to suffer for Christ.

One of the points in today's study was based out of Hebrews 13:12-16. Barbara Henry talks about "the camp" and what that means. For me, it means my comfort zone. Not necessarily material comfort, but also my routine... monthly budget... local grocery store... etc. The camp, for me, is safe and predictable. Outside of the camp... well that's scary. It's full of unknowns, maybe even persecution.

Going to Las Vegas is definitely going outside of the camp for us. It is full of unknowns. When we get there, we are staying with friends until our house here sells. I don't want to do that! Chuck and I are going to sell his van before we leave so we don't have to get to vehicles across the country and we will share a vehicle when we get there. I don't like to share my van! Chuck has to fundraise his salary and we still have a ways to go to be fully funded. I don't want to be poor! And on top of all of that, my routine is going to Hell in a handbasket!

Hebrews 13:14 speaks of "the city that is to come." And that is why we are going. I don't expect to be comfortable in Las Vegas. It is a sinful place full of broken and hurting people. And they are why we are going... because eternity is real and they will either spend it in "the city that is to come" or they will spend it in Hell. If Jesus could suffer like He did for me, I can certainly go and be uncomfortable in Las Vegas.

I used to think that if I served God, I deserved certain things... good health, safety and health for my kids and family, a place to live, etc. I don't think that anymore. And after today's study I'm more and more expecting persecution of some sort. The more time I spend with the Lord, the more I realize that knowing Him intimately far outweighs all that other stuff. Preparing to go "outside the camp" has proven to be a lonely path for us... but I'm growing closer to God because of it and that is such a blessing. I'm reminded that Mother Teresa, who served God wholeheartedly, experienced intense lonliness. I'm not even comparable to Mother Teresa... I just realize that choosing to go outside the camp like we have means choosing lonliness.

I spoke with a friend recently who has moved out to Las Vegas and she expressed how lonely it has been for her. The idea of going out to Las Vegas to help start a church is a very exciting and adventurous thing for me. And while it may be a surprisingly lonely path, I'm really not alone because I have God right there with me and I'm learning to draw comfort from Him. And as I direct more and more of my thoughts toward Him, I find that it's okay to be lonely... to be uncomfortable... and to even be persecuted.

So, I'm adjusting to the idea of being "outside the camp." And more importantly, I'm drawing closer to my Creator because of it.