Miscellaneous

I'm not quite sure how this post is going to turn out... lots of thoughts and little organization...

Today Chuck, who is superdad, took all three boys to the aquarium in Virginia Beach while I was at my mommy group. (I don't have the guts for such outings, but Chuck does!) Noah and Samuel LOVED it. Chuck said that they were totally into everything, but when they got to the sharks they were bouncing-off-the-walls excited. And they called all the fish Dory. They love the movie "Finding Nemo." Dory is obviously their favorite. Chuck bought a family membership so we will definitely be going there again soon. Chuck learned that we can watch them feed the sharks and he is looking forward to taking the boys to see that.

I have been struggling lately with a few things. The first is this general sense of not having much to look forward to. I am an introvert, so I get energized by being alone. Completely alone. In the quiet. With no TV or radio or noise of any sort. When I'm in the car by myself I like to have the radio off. I do get out of the house a number of times during the week, but it is always for group gatherings. I feel like I need a specific time alone that I can look forward to during the week. The other thing I'm trying to figure out is when I can shower. The obvious times - early morning and late at night - don't work for me. I'm still nursing so I need to feed Tristan before I shower in the morning or I'm a mess and it's really no use that I just showered. I can't shower before bed because I can't sleep with wet hair (and our house is too small for me to use my hair dryer that late). So, I grab showers when I can and just quickly wash my hair on the days I don't shower. It's not that I can't shower during the day - it's just hard to fit in. Yes, we are home all day, but between nursing Tristan and meals and snacks and naps it is just hard to fit in. I'm just not sure what to do. If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Another thing I'd like to add to my days is exercise. We joined the YMCA, but I've since cancelled our membership because the boys won't stay in childwatch. They did for about 2 weeks and then they decided they were done with it. Samuel would say "no joue" (no play) as soon as we pulled up and then would freak out once inside. So, I'm also trying to figure out when I can exercise. I can't wake up before the kids to do it for the same reason I can't shower before nursing Tristan. I think I can do this at about 8:00 a.m. with all three kids awake. Tristan hangs out in the Jumperoo and the boys do the video with me. They are funny to watch.

The boys' English just keeps exploding. They truly understand everything we say. And they are speaking it! There are still some things they say in Creole, but they know the English words, too. Often they are just too tired or excited to use the English. They surprise us everyday with how they are using the language. They make us laugh a lot, too.

I started to gather up our tax stuff to send to the accountant. I'm way late on this - mainly because I've been dreading getting all the documents together. I made a good dent in it today and with a little more time by myself I'll have it all together soon.

Last weekend some friends from church came and helped us put up a fence and they got our swingset started. We are so grateful for that help! Chuck was out in the rain today working on the swingset. I can't wait for it to be completed and for the boys to be able to play out there.

Tristan is sitting up like a champ and army crawling all over the place. It is just so amazing to watch as a newborn grows and develops. We missed all of this with Noah and Samuel and I'm amazed every day by how quickly a baby grows, develops, and learns. It's just incredible.

That's all for now...

Do You Love Your Stroller?

Do you, or did you, love your stroller? That is the question.

I have two strollers. I don't love either of them. They work, but they don't meet all my needs. One of them is the Combi Twin Savvy Stroller. My main problem with this stroller is that it is hard to push. It doesn't roll smoothly or turn well and because it is a side by side double stroller, it is hard to get through doorways and narrow spaces. It has baskets under each seat, but they weren't engineered well so it's hard to get stuff in and out. And it doesn't have cup holders for me or the kids. I think cup holders are important. Don't get me wrong - I definitely use this stroller. Tristan's infant seats clips onto it, so we've used it a bunch.

My other stroller is a Graco single stroller that was given to me second hand. It rolls super smooth, has cup holders for me, and has great storage. I also like that I can loop Tristan's diaper bag over the handle area. The seating area is weird, though. It is designed to either work as a seat or open into a tiny crib area. The harness that goes between the legs is in a really weird place, though, so Tristan gets this mad g-lean going on and doesn't stay happy.

What I'm looking for in a stroller is cup holders for me and Chuck. I've tried the kind you buy and hook on, and I've broken them. I also want a tray and cup holder for the kid(s). I need to have lots of storage space because I travel with two diaper bags and my purse (I refuse to give it up and move into the diaper bag!). I also usually stick my baby bjorn and the boys' back pack leashes in the stroller. I want something that rolls easy and turns on a dime. I'd also like a reclining seat. Obviously, I might not find all of this in a double or triple stroller, but does it exist in a single?

Tell me if you've found the stroller!

Thanks!

It's a Twin Thing...

I need to make a request.

It's my hope you won't think I'm ungrateful or asking for more.

But, I need to request that toys not be purchased for the boys to "share." Such toys cause fights. These boys know how to play together. They love each other deeply and connect with each other in a way that most siblings don't connect. But, if I ask them to share a really cool toy, it does not go well. I hate to see them fight like this and quite honestly, I will lose my sanity.

What usually ends up happening is that neither of them get to play with the toy because I take it.

If I could, I would just buy a second of every toy that we get for them to share. I just don't have the money to do that.

Some games and flash cards, etc. obviously don't need to be duplicated. If you have something in mind and are unsure if two are necessary, please ask.

Please don't get me wrong - we're very grateful for every.single.thing we've been given. At this age (developmentally and as twins) it's just unfair to ask them to share. I promise, we will teach them to share.

Thanks for understanding.

Bullet List

• Yesterday as Chuck was roughhousing with Noah, Noah said to Chuck, "Settle down!" Sometimes I wonder if they understand what I say (since they don't seem to do what I say). Apparently they are getting, "Settle down!"
• Noah and Samuel are still in diapers. I haven't tried potty training them yet because, honestly, I'm not ready. I just don't have the energy to take them to the potty every 5 minutes just yet. One day as I was changing Samuel's poopy diaper I said, "Samuel, don't you want to put your poopies in the toilet?" Samuel replied, "Ummmmmm (long dramatic pause), no." You kind of have to hear Samuel say no to get the full effect. It sounds very nasaly and French. I love that he thought long and hard about his answer, though.
• Shoes and socks. Shoes and socks generally mean we are going somewhere, or lately, outside. I keep the boys barefoot in the house so that they don't wipe out on the hardwood floors. They ask for socks when they get dressed. They start jumping up and down when they see socks and begin to talk all about shoes when the socks go on. They love to go places. That is, until they are at the place. Then they may ask to go home. Especially Samuel.
• Food trick. I've learned recently that if I want the boys to try something, they need to catch me snacking on it. If I put it on their plate at mealtime, they scoff at it. But, if they run across mommy having a little snack in the kitchen, they must have some. Believe me, I'm using this tactic for all it's worth!
• I recently took all three boys on a few shopping excursions. This took all sorts of courage on my part. Our first trip was to Food Lion to get some eggs. I realized Monday morning that I needed eggs for the meatloaf I was making for our small group that night. I couldn't have Chuck pick up the eggs because the meatloaf needed to be cooking before he'd get home from work. So, after nap time (and much prayer...) we went. I put Tristan in the Baby Bjorn and I put the twins in a cart. It went well. Then, on Thursday I knew I needed to hit BJ's with the kids for diapers. I wasn't sure how I'd do it, so I prayed. We ended up able to park right next to a cart with a car on the front. I put the twins in the car and the baby in the basket in his carrier. I'm sure we were quite a sight each time, but we are making progress. I never ever plan to do full-fledged grocery shopping with the trio. That would be insane and I'm not sure where I'd put all the groceries once I had them in the cart. I seriously don't know how single moms and military wives do it. You ladies have some level of strength that I know nothing about.
• We had campout last night and added a new movie to the mix. Chuck and I can just about recite, line for line, Cars and Finding Nemo. Last night we watched Monsters Inc. The kids loved it, but Samuel had to cover his eyes a few times.
• Last night Chuck found two stuffed animal rabbits (the boys call them their babies) tucked into his side of the bed. The boys love to play bedtime and naptime with each other and with their stuffed animals. At naptime we give them the following rules: No playing, No talking, No sitting, No standing, No touching the toys, and Stay in bed. They tick them off when they play naptime. It is hilarious.
• The boys have started putting each other in timeout. And the funny thing is - they obey each other. We are working on putting an end to this, but we do turn our heads and laugh.
• The boys are all about playing fishies. They have some plastic fish that my friend Stacy passed on to them. They call them Nemo and Dory. Usually just Dory. They fly them around the house. I thought they were swimming them around the house, but they make airplane noises, so I guess we have flying fish. They also sometimes yell out lines from the movie.
• Tristan, we think, is really close to crawling. He gets up on his hands and he gets up on his knees, he just doesn't put them together yet. He does get around by getting up on his knees and pushing his face across the floor.
• Daylight savings was not good for bedtimes. There was a lot of crying from the twins.
• Tristan has recently dropped his late night feeding. He nurses at 7ish and then goes to bed. I have been waiting for a long time for this! That means we have all our kids in bed by 8-8:30ish. LOVING IT!
• The boys REALLY love playing outside and so do I. I have a tendency to be an indoor person, but being cooped up inside all winter has drastically changed me. I would way rather be outside than inside. No TV or requests for TV. The noise level is drastically reduced just by being outside. I love watching them burn energy by just running around and being crazy. It is fun. Too bad the weather keeps going up and down. The high today was 41. The high on Wednesday was 83. I'll be glad when the weather warms up for good. I have a feeling we will be outside even when it's really hot.
• We replaced the valances in the boys' bedrooms with curtains. We have miniblinds, but the morning sun is very bright in their rooms. This isn't a problem anymore since we changed the clocks, but soon it will still be light at bedtime. So, the curtains are up. We got some fun striped curtains for the twins' room and some blue curtains for Tristan's room. We just need to make some adjustments to where the rods are hung and we'll be all set.
• Unswaddled update. This is going well. We went through a rough week, mainly because Tristan was pulling the pacifier out of his mouth and then crying for us to put it back in. We let him cry it out a few nights and now he doesn't cry anymore. There have been a few episodes of crying here and there, but those first few nights it was 7 or 8 times throughout the night. Sometimes, especially if he is trying to wake up too early, we will put the pacifier in his hand. It's amazing how good he is at shoving it in his mouth!
• We are working hard on getting the boys to say please instead of just demanding things from us. Samuel, in particular, will say, "Water" or "Fruit" or "More" or "Snack" (which sounds like 'nack'). It is like pulling teeth to get them to add the word please. If we can get them to say please, then we will work on "May I have some..."
• Our church recently moved to a movie theater. It is a very cool venue in every way except for the fact that my kids are freaked out in their class. The music from the neighboring adult service freaks them out. They are distracted by noise from other classes and teachers moving in and out of our classroom. The lighting is not so great and creates a shadowy environment, which I think is adding to their discomfort. It has been hard for me. Samuel cries hard and will not move from my lap. Noah has gotten to where he only fusses a minute and then joins in the class activities. Samuel wants nothing to do with what they are doing. I'm not sure if he is truly scared or if he is manipulating me. Either way, it has been very hard on me.
• Tomorrow Tristan will be 7 months old. Seriously, where does the time go? I'm not sure if I blogged about it, but Tristan was 18lbs 4 oz at his 6 month appointment. My arms and back will tell you that he's surely gained another pound since then.
• That's all I can think of to share. Sorry there are no pictures. I don't have the energy right now to download pics from my camera and then upload here. I'll try to get to that this week, but we haven't been great about taking pictures lately.
• Goodnight.

Good Tired

Tonight I'm tired, really tired, but in a good way.

Most days by 9 p.m. I'm tired, really tired. It's not always in a bad way, though some days are.

But today was just an all around good day and it has left me good tired. My day was worth the tired I am if that makes any sense.

For my own self I want to document this day because I have the feeling I'm finally turning a corner and I want to remember it.

Chuck has been pushing me for a while to start a mom's group at church. Since I'm a perfectionist, I have procrastinated. Well, finally push came to shove and the group was born this morning. And I have to say that it is an absolute breath of fresh air. 12 moms got together today at a mall food court and began a journey. I'm not sure where we're headed, but we have each other now. I'm very pumped.

We had lunch at the mall, which I like doing. Any meal that I don't have to prepare is a meal I like! :)

Noah and Samuel took a nice long nap and Chuck took care of Tristan while I did some necessary emailing.

When the boys got up we went outside in glorious 72 degree weather. It was awesome. The boys played on their teeter totter, rollercoaster (Mom, they love it!), and with sidewalk chalk. Tristan jumped in the Jumperoo. I weeded a flower bed (which has been on my to do list for-ever), and Chuck skate boarded a little and mostly played with the boys. We had some older neighbor kids come and play and they really played with the twins. It was so neat to watch them take such an interest in knowing Noah and Samuel. The boys wowed them with their "Yo Mamma" response to "What's Up?"

It all just felt right. Like how life is supposed to be. Dare I say I'm finally getting comfortable at this Mom thing?! I don't know but something settled deep within me today. The Gloria Estafan lyrics, "Coming Out of the Dark" keep ringing through my mind (even though I never listen to GE). These last 6 months have been rather dark for me. I have been quite isolated. Some of it necessary, some self inflicted. I have completely doubted my ability as a parent and God's timing in bringing our family together. I have lost my freedom and a very good friendship. It has been a very lonely time. But today I feel like some of that lonliness has been eliminated and that maybe, just maybe things are going to be okay.

As I sort through these things in my mind I'm sure of one thing - tonight I am good tired.

Home 6 Months

It is hard to believe that Noah and Samuel have been home 6 months already! In some ways, time has flown by, and in other ways it has been a very long 6 months - though I think that has everything to do with the timing of Tristan's birth and the twins' homecoming.

The pain of the wait for the twins to come home is a less vivid memory now, though if I take the time to really think about it, I remember. Time seemed to pass excruciatingly slowly while waiting for them to come home, and now the days just fly by. I'm just having a hard time reconciling how quickly these 6 months have gone by with how hard waiting for them to come home was.

Anywhoo, that's enough about me. Noah and Samuel amaze us every.single.day. They have come such a long way in this short amount of time. When they came home they were afraid of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. We had big plans to take them to fun places and try fun things at home and we weren't able to do any of that for a while. They were afraid of stuffed animals. Of our cats. Of cars that were too loud. Of weird lighting. Of things we couldn't see. Of playgrounds. Of crowds of people. Of loud music. Of everything, it seemed. We just stayed in as much as possible in the beginning. And Tristan complicated everything. I've read about laid-back babies. He was not one of those in the early months. He was very demanding. As in must-be-held-every-waking-moment demanding. There was so much that I wanted to do with the twins, but Tristan kept me from much of it. I'm so thankful they had each other to play with. I can't imagine what it would have been like if we only adopted one child and had a newborn. I know that sounds silly, but they really occupied one another well while I took care of Tristan. A good friend told me that God gave us twins for a reason!

I'm so thankful that Chuck's employer was flexible with us. I was terrified to be home with all three by myself in the beginning. It was so overwhelming. Chuck was home with us for a number of weeks and then worked from home for a number of weeks. It was such a blessing. And it continues to be a blessing.

Noah and Samuel just continue to blossom. Their English is literally exploding daily. The wonderful and amazing Terri was here yesterday and commented on how much they've learned. It really is incredible.

Noah is a wonderful big brother. He loves loves loves Tristan. He is patient and engaging with him. He loves to make him smile and laugh. He is gentle and compassionate. If Tristan cries, Noah lets me know. Noah is definitely musically inclined. He can pick up a beat quick. He claps to music perfectly. He can pick up a tune and sing it exactly as he heard it. He has an infectious laugh and totally knows how to crack us up. He is quite a bit taller than Samuel now - about an entire head. He is ready to move into 4T pants; in fact I got some out last night for him. Noah loves to be hugged and kissed. We call kisses "sugar" and he loves to ask me for some sugar. When I pick him up he wraps himself completely around me. He is a lover.

Samuel keeps us laughing... and on our toes! He is one funny little guy. He loves to cross his eyes and make silly faces. He is really good at playing alone. He plays so differently than Noah. He lines up his dinosaurs and cars. He is getting really good at puzzles. He and Noah are both very into "fishies" right now. They have some plastic fish that they play Nemo and Dory with. Samuel loves music, too. Probably his favorite thing to do is kick a ball around. And he's really good at it! We may have a soccer player here. Samuel is a daredevil. He loves to be picked up, flipped, and swung around. Both boys love cars, but Samuel is completely enamored with them. Nine months before the boys came home we ran across a really good deal on some Cars bedding sets. Since my mom had already purchased race car beds for them, we decided to do their room in Cars. God is at work in even these kind of details! We had no idea what love they would have for cars. Samuel was beside himself when he realized his bed was a "machin"! Samuel isn't as affectionate as Noah. He definitely gives and receives hugs and sugar, but not as willingly - mostly because he's got things to play with! While Noah is willing to drop what he's doing and embrace for a moment, Samuel doesn't like pulling away from what he's doing for a quick hug. We are keeping our eyes on this, but I really think that it's mostly part of who he is. I just don't think he's as affectionate. I'm not as affectionate as my sister and I'm not adopted. Samuel tends to be the more defiant of the two. Both have a new-found love for the word, "NO!" However, Samuel is using it more, and he really acts surprised when his no isn't well received. Samuel's bowed legs are barely bowed anymore! As our doctor says, "Isn't it amazing what good nutrition will do?" We were really scared about Samuel's legs when he came home. They were freakishly bowed and one leg literally seemed to bend sideways at the knee. We were sure he was going to end up in braces, if not surgery. Along with good nutrition, God has definitely healed Samuel's legs!

From the perspective of bonding and attachment, we have very few concerns. Bonding and attachment is a journey, not a destination, so this will be something we work on for a long, long time. We'd rather overwork it than underwork it! Many people want to know when they can hold and hug our kids. There are many people who waited alongside us, loving our kids from afar. And it is natural to want to hold them, to hug them. Unfortunately, we've found that these types of things cause problems. We have only allowed them to be held by others a few times and each time has had a ripple effect. They don't want to come to us afterward. They want to go back to the person who held them. They become super upset when that person leaves. So, for now, that boundary will stay in place. Along with that we make sure that we are the only ones meeting their needs for food, drinks, diaper changes, and comfort when scared or hurt. They really get, cognitively, that we are mommy and daddy. But there is something deeper that we need to keep reinforcing, and so we do. The only times we leave the boys is in a group childcare situation in which our boundaries have been communicated. Currently, though, the boys begin crying immediately if we try to leave them so we aren't really leaving them for now. Noah does better with this than Samuel and he actually stayed in childcare Sunday night during a baptism service. Samuel really, really wanted to play, but wanted me to stay, too, so he sat with me during the service (I stay with them in class on Sunday mornings).

I realize that some people with no adoption experience may read this and think we are babying our kids or parenting them wrong. Our boundaries may seem like overkill. I certainly don't expect non-adopting people to study bonding and attachment. But please realize that we have done our research and we are acting in the best interest of our kids - whether or not you understand it (or like it).

Just last night Chuck mentioned that Noah and Samuel are doing so much better than he ever expected and I couldn't agree more. I'm sure that so much of that has to do with prayer, so thank you for keeping our family lifted in prayer. Thank you for all the love, support, encouragement, and friendship. It hasn't been easy, but it has been SO worth it! I can't wait to see what the next 6 months bring!!