Marriage Statistics

Whether you're married or not, you've probably heard the statistic that 50% of marriages fail. And I've heard in the past that the statistic for Christian marriages is slightly higher.

So, why is this?

I don't think I have the answer to this question, rather I have more questions.

I'll begin with the people who throw this statistic out. I've heard this stat over and over from pastors, counselors, marriage seminars and "helpful" people. And usually I don't hear much of a solution proposed with the stat. Or, if there is a solution offered, it is often a pat answer like, "respect your spouse." Or, "Marriage is tough. You have to work hard." But, what exactly needs to be worked on?

A lot of things!

If 50% of marriages fail, than at least 50% of people heading into marriage today have not had a good example of what a successful marriage looks like. If a person enters marriage carrying baggage from their childhood or a previous marriage, that is going to cause problems. Because I have adopted children, I think of the trauma that so many kids experience. And if that's not worked through, that's brought into marriage. Self esteem issues, addictions, health issues, and on and on. "Working hard" for some couples is a lot more work than for others.

One can spend a lifetime working through issues of the past. If there is not healing, it will effect the marriage. And when you have someone unwilling to work through past issues, there is often resentment from the other spouse. And just how do you work through issues?

For me, there has been tons of counseling, 12 step programs, behavioral classes, Bible studies, accountability partners and much prayer. And I'm still messed up! So, what's the answer? How do Chuck and I keep from becoming a statistic?

The answer I've come to: Run to Jesus. Run after Him and seek to be like Him. In my opinion and experience, it's the only real answer that will work. Jesus is completely capable of healing people... He has a good track record. I'm not saying that you need to go to church and get healed. My experience is that I need to be in a daily relationship with Jesus, seeking Him daily through prayer and study, and following the guidance I receive. For me that has meant a whole lot of outside help through the various mediums I listed above. There are so many resources out there, all saying different things, many contradicting one another. If I'm following after Jesus and seeking His guidance, I find that I'm led to the resource or person that I need in that season.

So, I hope that it doesn't seem like "Run to Jesus" is just another pat answer for how to have a successful marriage. It's so much more than religion or going to church. I have found that true healing and behavior change in my life has been the result of seeking Jesus... seeking to be more and more like Him and accepting the guidance I receive from Him and being willing to do what I need to do to find healing.

Marriage IS tough. But we don't have to be another failed statistic. If two people are willing to do whatever it takes to work things out, healing and restoration is possible. Believe me, I know.