Milestone

Saturday we crossed a unique parenting milestone. Tristan was the exact same age, in months and days, as the twins were when they came home from Haiti (34 months).

When the twins came home, Tristan was three weeks old. We were brand new parents, so the heaviness of all that we had missed with the twins was there, but we had no experience to back it. We just knew we had missed nearly every day of their lives up until that point.

And on Saturday, I looked at Tristan and thought about how I just know him inside and out and how I barely knew Noah and Samuel at that same age. I didn't know their most ticklish spots yet. I didn't know what they were afraid of (quickly learned that was just about everything...). I didn't know how they slept at night or what they liked to eat or what their favorite color was. Nothing. I knew nothing. I didn't even know if they were potty trained.

Adoption is a beautiful, wonderful, horrible, thing all wrapped into one. When I look at Tristan, I just can't imagine not knowing every little quirk about him. But that's the truth about Noah and Samuel. I'm not terrified of Tristan (well, not most of the time...) like I was of Noah and Samuel. It's just such a huge thing to wrap my mind around, and yet we lived it and continue to live it.

We've gotten to know Noah and Samuel intimately. We know their quirks, their fears, their favorites and their dislikes. Samuel HATES bananas. I love that I know that! But there are still questions... like why does one of them lie all.the.time? What brought that on and how do we best help him? What are the scars from at Samuel's forehead hairline? Who was born first? And on and on.

To be honest, I was very careful about how I publicly gushed over my newborn. While I was very excited to have all three of my little boys come exactly when they did, I questioned God on why He would allow a newborn to take some of the spotlight off of our sons' homecoming. And I was so worried that people would think I loved my bio son more if I gushed about him. So I kept quiet.

I will tell you that as hard as it was to have all three kids come at once, I absolutely adored being a mother to a newborn. Being handed that perfect baby straight from God was one of the most awesome things I've ever experienced. So was being handed my twin sons in a sweaty, scabie infested orphanage at 8 months old! But I was afraid to gush for fear of being judged.

And my gosh, have we experienced our fair share of judgement! If ever you want to be judged harshly, just have kids. It has brought on more judgement than I ever encounted during my party years of college (when I deserved to be judged harshly).

This has turned into a bit of a ramble, so I will bring this to a close. I really just wanted to document this milestone within our family. Celebrate it, mourn it. It is what it is and I continue to put my trust in God and His perfect timing.