Raw Ramblings

I keep telling myself that I need to blog. I feel guilty when I don't. But, the truth is that the words just aren't there.

If you read the posts over the last 2+ years, you know things haven't been easy for the Cason Family. Three kids, two relocations, a career shift for Chuck... the list goes on.

While the kids have thrived through all of that, well us grown ups... not so much.

The last few years have been extremely painful. There's a lot I just can't or won't blog about because I don't want to point fingers or point out the wrongs of others. I try to keep my finger pointing directed at myself and take note of where I'm wrong and how I can clean my side of the street.

I feel like I've become jaded. I put distance between myself and others. I don't get close. I over-analyze things. I prefer to be alone most of the time. My time with God has diminished to nearly nothing. I believe in Him. I trust Him, but there's no hunger to spend time with Him anymore.

My marriage has taken a beating the last few years. Again, no finger pointing or blaming. We are in counseling. We've been given a resource with some new ideas. I pray that we can use some of these ideas to break some old patterns that we've developped. We've struggled over the years, but never like this. It is hard not to feel hopeless. There's a big part of me that doesn't want to put that out there. It's embarrassing. I know there are a few people who read this blog who might like to see our marriage fail. But, I've learned that honesty... gut level honesty... is the only way to move ahead. I know that God is absolutely capable of redeeming our marriage. If you'd pray that for us, I'd be so grateful.

So, if I don't blog often please realize that we are going through some things. If, upon reading this, you feel the need to judge me or offer advice or leave an anonymous rude comment... go for it. We've experienced all that and more over the last few years.

I'm not sure many people read this blog anymore. I know that I tend to move away from blogs that don't post often. So many people supported and encouraged us through our adoption process and cheered with us as our children finally arrived. I feel like you all deserve to know a little of what's going on in our lives now. I just don't have much energy to blog anymore, but I just don't feel like shutting down the blog is the right thing to do.

It's my prayer that we'll come out of this on the other side, stronger and with a faith that moves mountains. Thanks for journeying with us this long.

Juli