Sink Into Me

At my church we have the privilege of having a very talented worship pastor on staff. Joe Heilman leads our campus in worship most Sundays with his own music. So many of his songs have ministered to me right where I'm at. Sunday was no different. Joe wrote a new song and I want to share the lyrics with you:

Sink Into Me
Mountainside see you glorifed
Glowing on my face
But it never lasts it's going fast
Gotta come again today

Sink into me your sweet indian summer
Sink into me a love like no other
Sink into me yesterday is slowly fading
Sink into me, sink into me

In the morning mirror it's coming clearer
I'm not ok
These tired eyes emptied of surprise
Gotta make my gettaway

Sink into me your sweet indian summer
Sink into me a love like no other
Sink into me yesterday is slowly fading
Sink into me, sink into me

Love tattoo my eyes so I only match them with you
Love tattoo my eyes so I only match them with you, so I only match them with you

Sink into me your sweet indian summer
Sink into me a love like no other
Sink into me yesterday is slowly fading
Sink into me, sink into me

Sink into me your sweet indian summer
Sink into me a love like no other
Sink into me yesterday is slowly fading
Sink into me, sink into me

To me, these are such beautiful lyrics that totally describe why I need to sit before God's throne each morning. I need God to sink into me. I need it daily. The glow wears off quickly. I want to see the world through love tattooed eyes.

But I struggle with this. I get wrapped up in chores around the house, email, phone calls, and a number of other excuses. And that's all they are - excuses. Each morning I have a choice and I can selfishly start my day with a number of tasks that make me feel good in accomplishing them OR I can humbly come before the Lord so that He can sink into me.

So now, even though I've looked at email and blogs already, I'm going to stop and ask God to sink into me. Later.

Explanation

Lately Chuck and I have had a lot of questions about our progress in Haiti. Some people, it seems, are expecting our boys to come home any day now. We are not. And we're sorry that we've communicated our progress so poorly that some would think we are that close to bringing them home.

Right now we are basically stuck in a step that we didn't know existed. We are waiting for a place called "Archives" to release an updated copy of Samuel's birth certificate (this is to the best of my understanding). Once this document is released two important things can happen.

The first is that we can schedule the birth parent interview. USCIS will interview the boys' birth father to confirm that he does indeed want them to be adopted and that he has an understanding of what that all means. They can also order DNA testing if they question whether or not he truly is their birth father. Once this interview takes place, our I-600 file (US adoption paperwork) will be approved pending the boys' passports being issued.

The second thing that can take place is that our files can be submitted to the Ministry of the Interior - aka MOI. MOI basically reviews the files and approves for passports to be issued. Last year this step was a mess. People waited 6 or more months to get through this step. Our orphanage is saying that the current wait in this office is around 4 months. I know some who've taken longer and some who've taken shorter than that. However, I recently read the following:

MOI is much faster now, but only if all your paperwork is in order. They go over the paperwork with a fine tooth comb and if they find as much as a typo, they will ask for a new document. Having to get the new document can delay the file for months. If there is no mistake at all on the paperwork, then as long as the orphanage gets the information interview (some call it the "long form") done in MOI, the file gets signed out within 2 weeks.

This information comes from a wonderful woman named Vera. She has a blog with great information about adoption process at: http://www.adoptivemomhaiti.blogspot.com/.

So, this leaves me with some prayer requests:

1) That the birth certificate from Archives gets released TODAY.
2) That our birth parent interview take place soon and that it goes well.
3) That our file has absolutely no mistakes or typos. Depending on the mistake or typo, it can add MONTHS to the wait. I'm going to be really honest and share that I assume there are errors in our file. Our wait time in nearly every office has been substantially longer than it should have been and this has led me to believe (for quite some time now) that there are problems or errors within our file. God can correct these things, though.
4) That the processor at our orphanage would be proactive about getting the interview (aka the long form) done and would consistently check on the status of our files.

After we get through MOI we have to wait for passports to be printed. And once the passports are printed we apply for Visas for the boys.

So, we are still quite a ways off from bringing the boys home. We are basically at a standstill until the birth certificate is released from Archives.

Please join us in prayer for the above mentioned items. It would mean the world to us. Wouldn't it just be marvelous if we were among the people who make it through MOI in a matter of weeks??!!

Prayers, Please

I know many of you come to this blog to find updates on our adoption. I have no update, but I have a friend who really needs prayer. Please take a moment to lift up my friend and her family for peace and comfort. I can't share details, but God knows. Please lift them up in prayer. Thanks.

Popcorn, Pickles, and Banana Peppers

These are currently my favorite foods. It all began with dill pickles. I was walking through Walmart and happened to be in the condiment aisle, which is also where they have the industrial sized foods. I saw a huge jar of pickles and had to have them. On my way home I busted into the pickle jar, got pickle juice all over the car upholstery and myself, and had a most delicious treat. I had no idea that I loved pickles until that day.On Christmas night we went to the movies. I do not usually get snacks at the movies. Maybe a soda. But that night the popcorn smelled fabulous. I had to have some. So, we got a medium and went in to see our movie. I pounded the popcorn. Daddy Bear didn't even have a chance. And it was wonderful. I have since found that you can get movie popcorn at Target. That is great. I have had evenings of great fatigue, yet a burning desire to go to the movies (which I know I won't stay awake through) just so that I can get some popcorn. I even dreamt about popcorn. In my dream I was at Walmart in the middle of the night. Now in my dream, Walmart had a concession area like Target where I could get some popcorn. But, since it was the middle of the night it was closed. So, I was searching around Walmart looking for the trash from the concession area because I just knew that they must have thrown popcorn away. Now that is insane! Oh, and microwave popcorn just doesn't cut it. I has to be popped like at the movies.And finally, my most recent food addiction is banana peppers. Last weekend Daddy Bear got us subs for dinner. He called to see what I wanted on mine, and I told him I wanted some banana peppers. They didn't have them, though. So, Monday I got a salad from a salad bar and added banana peppers to it, which I never do. They were AWESOME. I bought a jar of them today and I've been eating them. These types of food cravings have never happened to me before. The urgency I sometimes feel to eat pickles is crazy. When I was nauseous and burpy, I preferred to eat only pickles because the pickle burps weren't so bad.So, there's just a glimpse into my pregnancy craziness.

Heard the Heartbeat

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and we heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was very exciting. Papa Bear was jumping up and down, fighting back tears. The doctor prepared us ahead of time that she might have a hard time finding it since I'm only 12 weeks, but she found it right away. She said it sounded just as it should.I talked to the doctor about how crappy I've been feeling lately. I'm not throwing up, but I'm nauseous and burpy nearly all the time for the last few weeks. Once she learned that I'm still taking my prenatal vitamins she said to me, "You eat whatever you want. Whatever you like." To this I responded, "I like you!" I'm praying I feel better soon. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with how sick I feel. Last night was one of those times and I just cried.So, things are good with the baby. I go back to the doctor on February 29th. And the appointment after that is when we find out the sex of the baby, I think. And yes, we are definitely finding out!

January Pictures

Samuel

Noah

Here are our pictures of the boys for January. Samuel looks like he is really blossoming as he seems more and more willing to share his smile with the camera. Noah looks like he has his arms opened up, ready to share a hug.

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Today is one of those days that I just CANNOT believe they are still in an orphanage in Haiti. January 19th marked 2 years since we committed to them.

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We are still not yet in MOI. Unbelievable.

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Some days are harder than others.

Prayers for a Friend, Please

If you're a praying person, I'd like to ask you to pray for my friend, Laura.

Laura had a double mastectomy last Friday. I visited with her today and she is still in A LOT of pain. Please pray that God relieves some of that pain for her. She's just so surprised by how much it hurts and pain medicine isn't really touching it.

Also, please pray that there is no cancer in the lymph nodes that were removed. She had some pretty aggresive cancer in her breasts and it would be fantastic to learn that it hadn't yet spread to her lymph nodes.

Laura loves the Lord and is trusting Him in all of this. She's an incredible person and a dear friend.

Longing

This morning I'm overcome with thoughts that I want to share. Hopefully they will make sense.

The life I have is not one that I imagined I'd have. Growing up we rarely went anywhere and most of our family was relatively close by. I never even went on an airplane until I was a senior in high school and I bought the ticket myself. I always had a yearning to go places and do things, but the resources were just not there. So I stayed close to home for the most part.

When I got to college, I slowly began to travel. At that time in my life, I was really just wanting to go anywhere to get away from me. Does that make sense? I was running, but ultimately I was running from myself.

It was on one of those college getaways that I met Chuck. My relationship with Chuck required travel since he lived 4 hours away. Marrying him meant moving away, which I gladly did. I was still running from myself, but didn't know it.

When I met Jesus in 2001, everything changed. For a few years already I had been working on the things about me that had me running from me. I thought a relationship with Jesus was bound to be dull and boring and I couldn't have been more wrong.

No longer running, I found that God was calling me on a wild adventure. I have traveled more as a Christian than I ever did before. We also travel a lot to see family, and we like to do that.

So now I'll finally get to why I'm sharing all of this. Along the way in our travels, Chuck and I have met some awesome, awesome people. It always saddens me greatly to realize that I'm probably not going to see most of these people very much in this world. There is something about mission trips that fosters strong relationships between mere strangers. Some of the people I have come to love the most are people that I've only spent a handful of days with in a third world country.

This morning I was reading in 1 Thessalonians about how Paul longed to see the people in Thessalonica. I have friends all over the country whom I seriously long to see. I have joked with some of them by saying, "We are for sure hanging out in Heaven." It's kind of funny to think about, but I'm serious. I won't even pretend to think I have any idea of what Heaven is going to be like. Yes, the Bible talks about it, but I just don't think our little minds are capable of wrapping around what Heaven will be like. Perhaps you disagree, and that's okay. It's just my opinion.

This morning I find myself longing to see some of these friends, some of whom I've completely lost touch with. And I draw comfort from knowing that one day we will be in Heaven together. Unfortunetly, there are some special people in my life that I'm not certain I will see in Heaven. I'm just gonna lay it out there - not all people go to Heaven, not even all good people. The Bible is absolutely clear that you get to God and Heaven through Jesus and only through Jesus. If you disagree with that, I beg you to check it out for yourself. Don't just trust your own ideas or things you've heard somewhere. Look for the truth. It's out there.

Well, I didn't mean to go all evangelical, but I guess that's what's in my heart this morning. If you're reading this, I definitely want to see you in Heaven. In fact, I long to see you there.

I Have Joy in My Heart!!

Why, you ask? It is simple. American Gladiators is back on TV. I loved American Gladiators back in the day and I was ecstatic to learn that it was coming back. I watched the season premier last night and I'm about to rev up the Tivo to watch tonights show.

Oh, yes, Jesus loves me!

Yup, Grandma's Here!

My mom couldn't resist getting these rocking horses for the boys tonight. They were super on sale. She has officially been put on toy purchasing restriction, but we allowed these purchases to be the last for a while. We can't wait until the day we can post pictures of the boys playing on them!

Mom and Herb are Here

That's right. My mom and stepdad are here visiting until Sunday. So far we've eaten out, shopped, slept in, and hung out. On today's schedule we have hanging out, more shopping, and eating out planned. Fun!

I'm sad for them because it's FREEZING here. It's only 45 out right now, and tonight it is supposed to go down to 24. Now I know you northern people think I'm a whiner, but I've lived in the tundra before and I know what that is like. I don't live there now. My blood has thinned out and cold weather seriously hurts. It is painful. Poor mom and Herb thought they were going to be visiting the south and it is FREEZING. They aren't whining like I am, though.

The good news is that tomorrow is supposed to be 56 and Sunday is supposed to be 60. Maybe I will thaw out. Maybe.

Lemon is Amazing!

It's just amazing to me what a few wedges of lemon can do to a boring glass of water! I'm pretty much just drinking water through this pregnancy. I refuse to drink anything artificially sweetened and I don't want to drink a bunch of sugar either, which leaves me with water. Well, by two weeks into the pregnancy I was already tired of water. This is not good since I have 31 weeks to go. But then, I had an idea. I will go buy some lemons. And I did and they are good.I swear, if anyone tells me something bad about lemons I'll flip. So don't do it. I NEED them.

How You Can Pray

So many people have prayed for our boys to come home. I know that prayer is what is keeping their paperwork moving. An acquaintance told me Saturday morning that she had given up hope that our boys would come home. Thanks. I guess she's not praying.

For those of you who do pray, I have a specific request. The next timeline of four months or more can't get started until our paperwork is submitted to MOI (the minister of the interior). Our update last night said that legalization of the abstracts of the boys' birth certificates needs to obtained before their files can be submitted to MOI and the files need to be reviewed. Please join us in praying that these things happen quickly so that the files can be submitted to MOI. Our God is a God who answers prayer. I believe strongly in praying specifically. Please help us flood the gates of Heaven with prayers for our boys to come home.

Noah and Samuel are nearly 26 months old now. They have lived at the orphanage for nearly 2 years. Yes, selfishly I want them home and I've wanted them home since I saw their first pictures. However, for their sake I want them home. Two and under are the prime years for bonding and attachment. That's not to say that they can't or won't bond and attach to me and Chuck, but it may be more difficult for them. I want them to have every opportunity to do well in life, and there's not a thing I can do about them still being in an orphanage.

Last night I dreamt that I went to Haiti, which is kind of funny since I'm not invited. I was outside the orphanage with some of the American staff and I was holding Samuel. I was telling the staff that I was concerned about him because he was not gaining weight and was feverish. That is exactly how I found him when I visited briefly in September. He was noticebly lighter than Noah and he was burning up. In my dream I was asking them about getting him home on a medical visa or if MOI could process his file more quickly since he was sick. In my dream they were uninterested in pursuing that.

My dream left me realizing that I just wish that those who have the power to move the adoption process more quickly would feel the urgency that I feel to get kids home. I wish differences in culture and ideas didn't play into things. I wish they understood the love I have in my heart for these precious boys. I wish they understood that EVERYTHING Chuck and I do is weighed against how it would affect the boys and the timing of their arrival home. I wish they knew Jesus because that would change everything. Not know of Him, but truly know Him. Because Jesus changes everything. And He is why I have hope that our boys will be okay no matter how old they are when they get home.

The dream about Samuel happened in the moments before waking up this morning. I found myself willing myself to go back to sleep so I could hold him longer, yet so disturbed by the dream that I wanted to wake up. It was upsetting to dream that he was sick, but I don't dream about the boys very often, so I wanted to soak up holding him in my arms.

Lord, please work to get the abstracts of the boys' birth certificates legalized and the files reviewed and submitted to MOI quickly. Lord, I pray that MOI would notice how long we've been waiting and process our files more quickly. I pray in Jesus' name, the Jesus who changes everything. Amen.

Going to Cali!

Woohoo! I just booked two flights to California! Chuck and I haven't been out to see his family in way over 2 years now. And the cool thing is that we will be there for Chuck's birthday, too. Yippee! I can't wait!

Inn n Out, here we come!

We will also be meeting our nephew Jake, who was born in August.

Yeah!!

Dr. Appointment

I just got home from a doctor's visit. I'm still pregnant! 8 weeks and 1 day to be exact. We saw the heartbeat again and the baby was actually "wiggling." Fun. I also get to stop taking the progesterone. Yeah!! It was gross.That's all for now.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

We hope you and your family have a truly wonderful Christmas Holiday.

We are taking it easy. We went to bed early last night and watched an episode of House. Then we slept in late (yeah, I got up 15 minutes ago). It will be a nice, quiet relaxing day around here. This *should* be the last one. We said that last year, though. While we HATE that our boys aren't here with us, we are totally taking advantage of not having kids and enjoying the quiet.

If your day is full of hustle and bustle today, please don't forget why we celebrate!

I Puked

That's right. It happened. I brushed my teeth this morning and then stood there in front of the sink fighting the gag reflex. It won. Daddy Bear was kind enough to come in and hold my hair.I can literally count on one hand the number of times I've puked since 4th grade. I sure hope this doesn't become a common occurence.I was smart enough to have not eaten breakfast prior to brushing my teeth. That will be my practice throughout the pregnancy - brush on an empty stomach.I know, I know. What a lovely Christmas Eve post!

Feeling Better

The nausea has subsided!! Yeah!! Thursday I felt so sick between nausea, the sniffles, and a headache that I cried.Friday I woke up with next to no nausea. It was a good thing, too, because I babysat all day for a friend who just had a baby. Yesterday and today have been the same. I'm kind of burpy, which is yucky, but it is way better than being nauseous. I was scared that maybe I'd miscarried since I felt so much better, but I still have some other pregnancy symptoms (such as nearly puking when brushing my teeth!).So, if you prayed for me, thank you. I was beginning to think I wasn't cut out for pregnancy!On another note, I've been looking for a new doctor because I've been really disappointed with the staff (not the doctors) at my current office. I just can't imagine working with those people until August. I think we've found a new doctor. She's the Chief of Staff of OBGYN at the hospital I want to deliver at. I'm really hoping they are open tomorrow morning so that I can schedule an appointment. A prayer request would be that they could get me in THIS WEEK. That's all for now. It is time for bed!

Cried Like a Baby

Okay, I have to share this because it is hilarious.Have you seen the Tide commercial for loads of hope? If not, I'll give a brief run down. Tide has this semi that they take to devastated areas (like New Orleans and Southern California) and they pop it open and it has all kinds of washers and dryers. So they go to these devastated areas and do laundry for people because "clean laundry gives hope." Yeah, it got me good.I saw the commercial for the first time last Sunday on AMC. Chuck was in the kitchen and had to rush to the living room to find out why I was audibly crying and laughing. I was crying over the commercial and laughing at myself for crying over the commercial. By the time Chuck looked at the TV, the commercial was over so I had to explain. I was laughing hysterically at myself while wiping away my tears. So when I got to the line about how "clean laundry gives hope" I lost it all over again.Then, today, Chuck saw the commercial for the first time and called me in to watch it. Due to the miracle of Tivo (which has revolutionized my life!) he was able to rewind it and we watched it together. And yup, I cried again. And it's not just like a few tears. It's full on messy sobs.Ah, blessed hormones!

December Photos

Noah

Samuel

Samuel

Samuel

Samuel

Every once in a while we get more than one photo of the kids. This month was Samuel's turn for a photo shoot! Gosh, I can't wait to have them in my arms!!!!!!!!!! Lord, please, soon!!

Don't forget to read the post below for some awesome adoption news!