We've had a busy couple of days around here.
Yesterday morning we took the boys in for their bloodwork and Samuel's x-rays. The x-rays were the only part that went well. The bloodwork was h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e. I only heard the screams. Chuck was the one who held them as they were poked repeatedly. We have a really awesome children's hospital, CHKD, in our area. This was a CHKD affiliated office. We were completely dissapointed with the way the bloodwork was done. Sure, we've only been parents for 36 days now, but we just can't believe that it took sticking both of our sons twice and fishing around for the vein to get blood. Maybe I'm wrong, but it just doesn't seem right.
The boys were given free kid's meal coupons to Red Robin. We got brave and decided to go. We expected meltdowns. We expected problems with eating. We got none of that. The boys were great. You'd never know they'd just been tortured at the doctor's office. They stayed seated the whole time and ate all their lunch. They also each tried eating their crayons, but we put a stop to that. To top it all off, our server was great. She was excited to wait on our family and was a former nanny of twins. God sure was with us at Red Robin!
After that we ran a few errands - the kind where I jump out of the van and come right back. We bought some clippers from Sally's and we'll be cutting the boys' hair sometime soon. For now we are going to keep it short while we all adjust, but we are looking forward to eventually locking the boys' hair.
Today we went out again. We went to a park in Virginia Beach to see a lumberjack competition. We didn't see much of the competition, but we did have some fun with the boys. Both of them were too scared to try the swings, but they did try some other playground equipment. I got a few pictures and I'll eventually do a picture post (DJ!). Afterward we went to a BBQ and stayed for a short while before coming home. The boys were napless today, which became pretty evident at about 5:30. They were falling asleep as we were putting their lotion on tonight. Hopefully they will sleep long and hard. Samuel likes to get up in the wee hours of the morning, though we make him go back to sleep.
I'm thinking of attempting to go to church in the morning. We will see how the morning goes. If the timing is right, I will try. I just don't know how moms do outing with three little people.
Thanks again for all the encouraging comments and great advice. Tristan has been doing a lot better, but got fussy at our 7 p.m. feeding. It's time again to feed him, so I'm hoping he does better this time around and that he sleeps well.
That's all for now!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Still Here
Just a quick note to say we are doing alright. Tomorrow we are taking the boys in for some labwork. Please say a prayer that they make it through ok. Samuel will also have a few x-rays done to rule out rickets. The amazing Terri will be watching Tristan - thank you, Terri!!
I was able to get out of the house for a few hours tonight without ANY kids. It was great. I, of course, spent some of that time at Babies R Us buying stuff for the kids, but it was nice to be a among grown people for a while.
We got a new (well, actually it's used) minivan today. It is the nicest vehicle I've ever had. Carting the kiddos around will be much easier now.
Thank you, everyone, for the helpful and encouraging comments. We got the gripe water and it seems to help some. Any tips for the mad screaming that is happening while I'm nursing the little guy? He cries HARD and eventually stops eating altogether. He also does this when bottle fed breastmilk. If this keeps up I will be taking him for weight checks often to make sure he is eating enough. As of Tuesday he is up to 11 lbs. He was 8 lbs 9 oz at birth and came home at 7 lbs 15 oz. Tomorrow he will be 5 weeks old. Where does the time go?
Noah is officially completely okay with Chuck. Chuck has bathed the boys the last three nights, put lotion on, changed diapers and clothing - all with no problems. Those boys sure do LOVE their daddy. Chuck is working from home and whenever he comes out of the office they run for him. It is so sweet.
The boys have a Tigger toy that jumps and sings when you press it's hand. They love it. We used to. We are seriously thinking of removing the batteries for a day so we can have a break from it. I love my kids but I don't love all their toys!
That's all I can think of to share for now. I'm hoping to get Tristan into his crib now so I can go to sleep.
I was able to get out of the house for a few hours tonight without ANY kids. It was great. I, of course, spent some of that time at Babies R Us buying stuff for the kids, but it was nice to be a among grown people for a while.
We got a new (well, actually it's used) minivan today. It is the nicest vehicle I've ever had. Carting the kiddos around will be much easier now.
Thank you, everyone, for the helpful and encouraging comments. We got the gripe water and it seems to help some. Any tips for the mad screaming that is happening while I'm nursing the little guy? He cries HARD and eventually stops eating altogether. He also does this when bottle fed breastmilk. If this keeps up I will be taking him for weight checks often to make sure he is eating enough. As of Tuesday he is up to 11 lbs. He was 8 lbs 9 oz at birth and came home at 7 lbs 15 oz. Tomorrow he will be 5 weeks old. Where does the time go?
Noah is officially completely okay with Chuck. Chuck has bathed the boys the last three nights, put lotion on, changed diapers and clothing - all with no problems. Those boys sure do LOVE their daddy. Chuck is working from home and whenever he comes out of the office they run for him. It is so sweet.
The boys have a Tigger toy that jumps and sings when you press it's hand. They love it. We used to. We are seriously thinking of removing the batteries for a day so we can have a break from it. I love my kids but I don't love all their toys!
That's all I can think of to share for now. I'm hoping to get Tristan into his crib now so I can go to sleep.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Harder
Well, things just got harder around here.
Up until 4 days ago, Tristan was the perfect baby. He has been fussy ever since. It's obvious he's having issues with gas. He's also really fussy while nursing and has screamed more in the last few days than he has in his whole life. He won't nap in his crib, either. Yesterday I took him to the Dr and the Dr thinks he might have a little reflux (he just started spitting up, too). Some of his fussiness may have to do with a few things I've eaten recently (I pray that's what it is). Honestly, I can't have a fussy baby AND newly adopted nearly 3 year old twins. If you could, please say a pray that this passes. It has been miserable.
In other news, the boys are now eating string cheese. This is great since they are barely touching their milk. And just today they began eating Goldfish crackers. They are chowing on some right now as I type. Tristan is sleeping in his bouncy seat.
I promised Chuck I would share this funny story. So, on Monday night there was this awful smell as I was sitting on the couch. I assumed it was Chuck. Showers have been few and far between lately and we had both gone 2 days by then without showering. Chuck actually sprayed himself down with Febreeze because whatever the smell was, it was making me sick. The next day I finally got to shower and when I pulled off my socks I learned that the wretched smell was my OWN feet. How sick is that??
Tomorrow we will probably buy a slightly used Dodge Caravan. We were trying to do life with no car payment, but that has equated to breaking down a lot and lots of repair bills. We've prayed about it and have decided to buy a good minivan. We wish we could buy a Toyota Sienna, but we just can't afford one. So, it's the Dodge Caravan. Chuck will probably pick it up tomorrow. This means we are getting rid of our beloved Al the Altima. We've had him since 2001 and we will miss him. He's been a good car and we've replaced so many parts on him that we know he will last a while. Unfortunately he can't transport our entire family from place to place.
Okay, baby is up and hungry. Time for me to go.
Up until 4 days ago, Tristan was the perfect baby. He has been fussy ever since. It's obvious he's having issues with gas. He's also really fussy while nursing and has screamed more in the last few days than he has in his whole life. He won't nap in his crib, either. Yesterday I took him to the Dr and the Dr thinks he might have a little reflux (he just started spitting up, too). Some of his fussiness may have to do with a few things I've eaten recently (I pray that's what it is). Honestly, I can't have a fussy baby AND newly adopted nearly 3 year old twins. If you could, please say a pray that this passes. It has been miserable.
In other news, the boys are now eating string cheese. This is great since they are barely touching their milk. And just today they began eating Goldfish crackers. They are chowing on some right now as I type. Tristan is sleeping in his bouncy seat.
I promised Chuck I would share this funny story. So, on Monday night there was this awful smell as I was sitting on the couch. I assumed it was Chuck. Showers have been few and far between lately and we had both gone 2 days by then without showering. Chuck actually sprayed himself down with Febreeze because whatever the smell was, it was making me sick. The next day I finally got to shower and when I pulled off my socks I learned that the wretched smell was my OWN feet. How sick is that??
Tomorrow we will probably buy a slightly used Dodge Caravan. We were trying to do life with no car payment, but that has equated to breaking down a lot and lots of repair bills. We've prayed about it and have decided to buy a good minivan. We wish we could buy a Toyota Sienna, but we just can't afford one. So, it's the Dodge Caravan. Chuck will probably pick it up tomorrow. This means we are getting rid of our beloved Al the Altima. We've had him since 2001 and we will miss him. He's been a good car and we've replaced so many parts on him that we know he will last a while. Unfortunately he can't transport our entire family from place to place.
Okay, baby is up and hungry. Time for me to go.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Random Monday Thoughts
Well, it's 7 p.m. and I have two little boys in bed. The littlest boy and his daddy went to Bible study together, so it's just me and the twins for a little while. Once they are sleeping, what on earth will I do with myself??
I have a kitchen and dining room to clean up and I plan to call a friend whom I've wanted to talk to for a while. Chuck and I watch House, MD and last night I fell asleep before the end of an episode so I may finish that as well. I should probably sleep, but I can't help but do things that I want to do. My life all day long is serving the little people, so I can't help but stay up and do some things I enjoy. Okay, I don't enjoy cleaning, but I do enjoy it once everything is clean.
My mom and sister went home today. I'm totally sad to see them go. They were a big help. My mom did laundry pretty much non stop while she was here and Christi cooked for us and made some spaghetti sauce for the boys. We have to puree in the ground beef to get them to eat meat, so she did a bunch of that for us. And of course they helped out tremendously with the baby. Seriously, people, how do you make dinner, feed your bigger kids, bathe them, and put them to sleep with an infant to deal with as well? I'm at a loss on how to make it all happen smoothly. There is usually crying going on by at least one little person. I run into the same thing at breakfast and lunch times, too. Is slinging the baby my only option? I'm not sure why, but I just can't seem to get comfortable slinging him. Either he is unhappy in the sling or I'm so afraid he'll fall out or I'll bump him or spill something on him. Any advice would be so appreciated! I know a big part of this is me just getting comfortable with being a mom. I just don't know what the crap I'm doing so much of the time.
For lunch today the boys at macaroni and cheese. I know this isn't the healthiest of choices, but it is a new food and that's a big deal. They also stole a banana right in front of me and tried to eat it with the peel still on it. Samuel usually won't eat bananas, but I guess he likes the stolen variety. Seriously, though, they stole it off the counter right in front of me and I didn't realize it until they were biting into the peel and my sister said, "What does Noah have in his mouth?"
Tristan continues to wake up about 20 minutes after I put him down. The only time he doesn't do this is at night, thank God. He sleeps like a champ at night and I am SO SO thankful for that. I think the little guy is struggling with digestive issues. He'll be just fine and then he'll get all fussy and I'll here his stomach make noises and then he'll mess up his diaper and then he's fine. He also passes a lot of gas. It is so noisy that Chuck and I can't believe those noises are coming from the baby. We put in a call to the doctor late this afternoon and hopefully we'll hear back first thing in the morning.
There's not too much else to share. I think Chuck is going back to work this week, at least part time, and I'm terrified, but I know he needs to get back to work. He was off for a full two weeks and has lots to do. Pray for me.
My entire life feels completely in disarray right now. It has been completely turned upside down. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to finally be a mommy. It's just all so overwhelming at times. I'm trying not to miss out on all the cool stuff each day. I'm also trying not to do too much too soon. There is so much I want to do with and for my kids. I just have to trust in God's perfect timing. Okay, I've officially started to ramble. Time to end. Good night.
I have a kitchen and dining room to clean up and I plan to call a friend whom I've wanted to talk to for a while. Chuck and I watch House, MD and last night I fell asleep before the end of an episode so I may finish that as well. I should probably sleep, but I can't help but do things that I want to do. My life all day long is serving the little people, so I can't help but stay up and do some things I enjoy. Okay, I don't enjoy cleaning, but I do enjoy it once everything is clean.
My mom and sister went home today. I'm totally sad to see them go. They were a big help. My mom did laundry pretty much non stop while she was here and Christi cooked for us and made some spaghetti sauce for the boys. We have to puree in the ground beef to get them to eat meat, so she did a bunch of that for us. And of course they helped out tremendously with the baby. Seriously, people, how do you make dinner, feed your bigger kids, bathe them, and put them to sleep with an infant to deal with as well? I'm at a loss on how to make it all happen smoothly. There is usually crying going on by at least one little person. I run into the same thing at breakfast and lunch times, too. Is slinging the baby my only option? I'm not sure why, but I just can't seem to get comfortable slinging him. Either he is unhappy in the sling or I'm so afraid he'll fall out or I'll bump him or spill something on him. Any advice would be so appreciated! I know a big part of this is me just getting comfortable with being a mom. I just don't know what the crap I'm doing so much of the time.
For lunch today the boys at macaroni and cheese. I know this isn't the healthiest of choices, but it is a new food and that's a big deal. They also stole a banana right in front of me and tried to eat it with the peel still on it. Samuel usually won't eat bananas, but I guess he likes the stolen variety. Seriously, though, they stole it off the counter right in front of me and I didn't realize it until they were biting into the peel and my sister said, "What does Noah have in his mouth?"
Tristan continues to wake up about 20 minutes after I put him down. The only time he doesn't do this is at night, thank God. He sleeps like a champ at night and I am SO SO thankful for that. I think the little guy is struggling with digestive issues. He'll be just fine and then he'll get all fussy and I'll here his stomach make noises and then he'll mess up his diaper and then he's fine. He also passes a lot of gas. It is so noisy that Chuck and I can't believe those noises are coming from the baby. We put in a call to the doctor late this afternoon and hopefully we'll hear back first thing in the morning.
There's not too much else to share. I think Chuck is going back to work this week, at least part time, and I'm terrified, but I know he needs to get back to work. He was off for a full two weeks and has lots to do. Pray for me.
My entire life feels completely in disarray right now. It has been completely turned upside down. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to finally be a mommy. It's just all so overwhelming at times. I'm trying not to miss out on all the cool stuff each day. I'm also trying not to do too much too soon. There is so much I want to do with and for my kids. I just have to trust in God's perfect timing. Okay, I've officially started to ramble. Time to end. Good night.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Update on the Boys
Things are going pretty good with the boys. Each day brings more trust, more smiles, and more experiences.
Noah is getting more and more comfortable with Chuck. Chuck has been able to change his diaper a number of times now and plays with him a lot. I was able to disappear for 45 minutes and get a much needed shower yesterday and no tears were shed. Noah still reaches for me at meal time and bath time if Chuck tries to help him. Samuel LOVES his daddy. I think he prefers Chuck to me, but he is completely comfortable with me caring for him.
Playtime is getting more active and crazy. The boys just seem to be more and more comfortable in this environment. They run circles through the kitchen, dining room, and living room if given the opportunity to do so. They know that their bedroom is theirs and they willingly go there for naptime and bedtime. Today they spent naptime in separate beds. They are in bed now separately, too. We are completely comfortable with them sharing a bed, but unfortunately one of them usually ends up on the floor. We have the beds pushed up against each other so they can still reach out and touch each other if they want.
Meal time continues to be a struggle. Samuel is a much better eater, which is strange because he is the smaller of the two. He is more willing to try new things and eats more foods than Noah. Noah is VERY picky. In general, he won't try something new. We are eating a lot of spaghetti, rice and beans, and bread. We were able to add peanut butter to the bread a few days ago. Both boys will drink some milk, but not the amount the doctor says they should be driniking. Our doctor recommended that they take Poly-Vi-Sol vitamin drops. Luckily they do like the way that tastes. They enjoy taking medicine. Both of them like liquid Tylenol. Weird.
We went to the doctor on Friday and it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. We have a great pediatrician and the boys did really well. Samuel was examined first, with Noah watching intently. He did great. Noah was then examined and cried a little, but did really well considering how scared he is of new things. The doctor was happy with their overall health. They are in the 25th percentile for height and weight. What wasn't fun was the shots. We know the boys were immunized in Haiti, but we have no record of what they received. So, we are starting over. The boys screamed, of course, but I think they did really well. The nurse was super fast. They were both tested for TB and today we checked their arms and there are no bumps - YAY! There is still a lot of labwork to be done and stool samples to get and turn in. Samuel is being x-rayed because his legs are quite bowed. The doctor doesn't believe that it's Rickets, but he wants to make sure. He seems to think that good nutrition is going to help straighten out his legs. The only prescription we received was for eye drops. Noah has a yucky eye infection and so we will treat both boys with some eye drops. I asked about a spot on each of the boys' heads and the doctor says it's not a fungus. I'm not sure I believe that, so I'll wait a little while to see if it clears up.
Today I took the boys to church since my mom and sister were here to help with the baby. Since Chuck works at the church on Sunday mornings, I don't have his help. It will be a while before I attempt taking all three to church. Things are fine if they are all happy, but if anyone has a meltdown I will be in trouble if I'm on my own. Today went well until just as we were leaving. Samuel had a meltdown. I'm not sure what he wanted, but he was not happy that he didn't have it. I really think he was just tired because he fell asleep in the van on the way home. At church I just kept them in the double stoller and gave them cheerios to eat. We got there about 20 minutes after service started and just hung out in the lobby. We have no intention of putting them into children's ministry anytime soon unless I attend with them. They call almost all women Mama and a lot of men Papa. Most bonding and attachment material suggests not leaving them in the care of anyone else for at least 6 months, so we will follow that and see how they are doing at 6 months home.
Overall, things are going really well while we are here at home. We run into problems when we go out in public, it seems. We have lots of physical touch going on, lots of eye contact, and lots of the boys running into our arms for comfort when scared or upset. My favorite time is when we are getting them ready for bed. We put their lotion on and stare into their eyes and tell them how much we love them. It is in these tender moments that my heart overflows with love and gratitude and I'm overcome by the fact that they really are finally home. Last night as I was holding Noah and kissing him and telling him how much I love him he reached up and began caressing my face. It was so, so sweet. Samuel has done the same to Chuck.
Of course, having a newborn puts an added spin on everything. Meal times, bathtime, and getting ready for bed are all very tricky times. Having my mom and sister here this weekend to take care of the baby has been such a blessing. Lots of people have offered their help and Chuck and I are talking about possibly having friends come over to help with the baby between 6 and 7:30 p.m. It's an odd time of day, but it is really when we need the most help. I have thought about doing baths in the morning, and I might do that in the future, but for now we feel that it's really important to have Chuck be a part of bath time.
I'll end this post on a completely off topic and random note - today I got my wedding band back on (it is tight) and I'm wearing shorts from last summer. Yeah, I'm sporting a mad squishy muffin top, but I am totally wearing pre-pregnancy clothes 30 days after having a baby - woohoo!!
Noah is getting more and more comfortable with Chuck. Chuck has been able to change his diaper a number of times now and plays with him a lot. I was able to disappear for 45 minutes and get a much needed shower yesterday and no tears were shed. Noah still reaches for me at meal time and bath time if Chuck tries to help him. Samuel LOVES his daddy. I think he prefers Chuck to me, but he is completely comfortable with me caring for him.
Playtime is getting more active and crazy. The boys just seem to be more and more comfortable in this environment. They run circles through the kitchen, dining room, and living room if given the opportunity to do so. They know that their bedroom is theirs and they willingly go there for naptime and bedtime. Today they spent naptime in separate beds. They are in bed now separately, too. We are completely comfortable with them sharing a bed, but unfortunately one of them usually ends up on the floor. We have the beds pushed up against each other so they can still reach out and touch each other if they want.
Meal time continues to be a struggle. Samuel is a much better eater, which is strange because he is the smaller of the two. He is more willing to try new things and eats more foods than Noah. Noah is VERY picky. In general, he won't try something new. We are eating a lot of spaghetti, rice and beans, and bread. We were able to add peanut butter to the bread a few days ago. Both boys will drink some milk, but not the amount the doctor says they should be driniking. Our doctor recommended that they take Poly-Vi-Sol vitamin drops. Luckily they do like the way that tastes. They enjoy taking medicine. Both of them like liquid Tylenol. Weird.
We went to the doctor on Friday and it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. We have a great pediatrician and the boys did really well. Samuel was examined first, with Noah watching intently. He did great. Noah was then examined and cried a little, but did really well considering how scared he is of new things. The doctor was happy with their overall health. They are in the 25th percentile for height and weight. What wasn't fun was the shots. We know the boys were immunized in Haiti, but we have no record of what they received. So, we are starting over. The boys screamed, of course, but I think they did really well. The nurse was super fast. They were both tested for TB and today we checked their arms and there are no bumps - YAY! There is still a lot of labwork to be done and stool samples to get and turn in. Samuel is being x-rayed because his legs are quite bowed. The doctor doesn't believe that it's Rickets, but he wants to make sure. He seems to think that good nutrition is going to help straighten out his legs. The only prescription we received was for eye drops. Noah has a yucky eye infection and so we will treat both boys with some eye drops. I asked about a spot on each of the boys' heads and the doctor says it's not a fungus. I'm not sure I believe that, so I'll wait a little while to see if it clears up.
Today I took the boys to church since my mom and sister were here to help with the baby. Since Chuck works at the church on Sunday mornings, I don't have his help. It will be a while before I attempt taking all three to church. Things are fine if they are all happy, but if anyone has a meltdown I will be in trouble if I'm on my own. Today went well until just as we were leaving. Samuel had a meltdown. I'm not sure what he wanted, but he was not happy that he didn't have it. I really think he was just tired because he fell asleep in the van on the way home. At church I just kept them in the double stoller and gave them cheerios to eat. We got there about 20 minutes after service started and just hung out in the lobby. We have no intention of putting them into children's ministry anytime soon unless I attend with them. They call almost all women Mama and a lot of men Papa. Most bonding and attachment material suggests not leaving them in the care of anyone else for at least 6 months, so we will follow that and see how they are doing at 6 months home.
Overall, things are going really well while we are here at home. We run into problems when we go out in public, it seems. We have lots of physical touch going on, lots of eye contact, and lots of the boys running into our arms for comfort when scared or upset. My favorite time is when we are getting them ready for bed. We put their lotion on and stare into their eyes and tell them how much we love them. It is in these tender moments that my heart overflows with love and gratitude and I'm overcome by the fact that they really are finally home. Last night as I was holding Noah and kissing him and telling him how much I love him he reached up and began caressing my face. It was so, so sweet. Samuel has done the same to Chuck.
Of course, having a newborn puts an added spin on everything. Meal times, bathtime, and getting ready for bed are all very tricky times. Having my mom and sister here this weekend to take care of the baby has been such a blessing. Lots of people have offered their help and Chuck and I are talking about possibly having friends come over to help with the baby between 6 and 7:30 p.m. It's an odd time of day, but it is really when we need the most help. I have thought about doing baths in the morning, and I might do that in the future, but for now we feel that it's really important to have Chuck be a part of bath time.
I'll end this post on a completely off topic and random note - today I got my wedding band back on (it is tight) and I'm wearing shorts from last summer. Yeah, I'm sporting a mad squishy muffin top, but I am totally wearing pre-pregnancy clothes 30 days after having a baby - woohoo!!
Smiles
Tristan is definitely smiling now. Not the gas smiles that newborns have. These are real, in response to us, full face and eyes smiles. It is so cool.
Aunt Christi took some pictures and I'll post a few when she sends them to me.
Aunt Christi took some pictures and I'll post a few when she sends them to me.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Van Update
I wanted to post and thank you for the prayers the other day. Our van repair was not very expensive at all, thank God!
Specific Prayers, Please
Hey, if you read this blog and you're praying for us, could you please pray for a few specific things?
Tristan has been doing horrible with napping the last few days. He is fighting sleep hard during the daytime which makes it hard to really focus on the twins.
The twins have had three major freakouts while eating. I'm really not sure what's happening. They seem to see something that terrifies them, but there is nothing there. Nothing.
With how long it took to bring the boys home, I have no doubt that we were under spiritual attack with the adoption. We are starting to think that it has not ended.
So, please pray against spiritual attack on us. We really believe that with how hard we had to fight to get these boys home that God really has great plans for them.
Thanks!
Tristan has been doing horrible with napping the last few days. He is fighting sleep hard during the daytime which makes it hard to really focus on the twins.
The twins have had three major freakouts while eating. I'm really not sure what's happening. They seem to see something that terrifies them, but there is nothing there. Nothing.
With how long it took to bring the boys home, I have no doubt that we were under spiritual attack with the adoption. We are starting to think that it has not ended.
So, please pray against spiritual attack on us. We really believe that with how hard we had to fight to get these boys home that God really has great plans for them.
Thanks!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tough Grandpa
Learning our flight into Haiti was cancelled last Tuesday was very hard news. Even harder was learning that American Airlines couldn't get us rebooked until Friday. We weren't sure what we would do at first and slowly a plan came together. Terri decided she'd return to Norfolk that evening so she could get a few days of work in and then she'd return Thursday evening.
'
My Dad lives in central Florida, so we decided that we'd rent a car and drive up to stay with him a few days. On our way we would stop and see the Rockstar Family. Then we'd drive back to Miami on Thursday and stay the night so we could fly into Haiti first thing Friday morning.
'
Seeing the Rockstars was awesome. They are an incredible family. We had fun seeing their big family in action. I thought it would be mad chaos, but it wasn't. They have wonderfully behaved kids who are so helpful.
'
We made it to my Dad's house really late on Tuesday. He, of course, was thrilled to have us - especially Tristan. I think it is so very special that he got to meet Tristan at such a young age. They hung out a lot. For the most part I had him feed the baby while we were there. It was really cool to see them hanging out together.
'
We are really committed to helping Tristan learn how to fall asleep on his own. With three little kids I just can't rock him to sleep each night, nor do I want to get into a routine of doing so that lasts for years. My Dad agreed with us. He told us we'd just have to let him cry it out or we'd be setting ourselves up for hard times. One night we were sitting around the dinner table and he was explaining how we just needed to let him cry. Then, about two minutes later he said, "I'll be right back." Yup, tough Grandpa couldn't let the baby cry. Tough Granpa also hated that we swaddle Tristan for sleep. Tristan's worst enemy is his own hands. He hits himself in the face and wakes himself up. He just sleeps better swaddled.
'
Here are some pictures of Grandpa and grandson.
'
My Dad lives in central Florida, so we decided that we'd rent a car and drive up to stay with him a few days. On our way we would stop and see the Rockstar Family. Then we'd drive back to Miami on Thursday and stay the night so we could fly into Haiti first thing Friday morning.
'
Seeing the Rockstars was awesome. They are an incredible family. We had fun seeing their big family in action. I thought it would be mad chaos, but it wasn't. They have wonderfully behaved kids who are so helpful.
'
We made it to my Dad's house really late on Tuesday. He, of course, was thrilled to have us - especially Tristan. I think it is so very special that he got to meet Tristan at such a young age. They hung out a lot. For the most part I had him feed the baby while we were there. It was really cool to see them hanging out together.
'
We are really committed to helping Tristan learn how to fall asleep on his own. With three little kids I just can't rock him to sleep each night, nor do I want to get into a routine of doing so that lasts for years. My Dad agreed with us. He told us we'd just have to let him cry it out or we'd be setting ourselves up for hard times. One night we were sitting around the dinner table and he was explaining how we just needed to let him cry. Then, about two minutes later he said, "I'll be right back." Yup, tough Grandpa couldn't let the baby cry. Tough Granpa also hated that we swaddle Tristan for sleep. Tristan's worst enemy is his own hands. He hits himself in the face and wakes himself up. He just sleeps better swaddled.
'
Here are some pictures of Grandpa and grandson.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
For the Locals
Hey local readers! If you have any spare plastic grocery bags, we'd love to take them off your hands. They are necessary for the diaper situation here and we just don't shop enough to keep up with the poop. Thanks!
Pictures
Noah riding the rocking horse.
Samuel rode first. They were terrified of the horses when they first got home.
In bed together at naptime. They won't sleep separate.
Playing with a ball. They prefer to kick it, especially Samuel.
Naptime on Tuesday on the couch.
Ex-haust-ed on Sunday.
Chuck and Samuel Sunday morning.
Tristan in the pack n play at the hotel in Miami.
Watching cartoons on Daddy's iPod.
Walking through the airport in Miami. They waved to EVERYONE.
Samuel eating chicken strips with a fork.
Noah eating chicken strips with a fork. We were amazed at how well they handled the forks.
Daddy and Samuel on the airplane.
Mommy and Noah on the airplane.
Walking out to the airplane in Haiti.
Waiting in the boarding area in Haiti.
Mommy and Daddy in the airport in Norfolk - FINALLY on our way to get our boys!Wednesday, September 10, 2008
A Good Day
I'm about to ramble; beware.
It was a good day around here. Everyone slept until 7 a.m. or later. That was a blessing. We had no major meltdowns. Chuck even left for 2 or 3 hours to run errands and I was able to hold down the fort. Tristan has eased into a good feeding and sleeping schedule and for the most part sticks to it.
Noah even allowed Chuck to pick him up a number of times today. He still is preferring me and if he's not getting his way he will stay far from Chuck and get really clingy with me. This happened at dinner time. Both the boys were whining for bread as dinner was cooking. We decided to put them in their chairs before dinner was ready and start them off with some bread and butter. Samuel was down with that idea. He is currently the better eater of the two. Noah was not okay with it unless I was the one to put him in his seat and sit right next to him. Well, I'm not supposed to lift him (though I do when I have to) and I was busy getting dinner on plates, so he didn't get any bread before dinner. He had a mini meltdown over it, but chilled out once his spaghetti was in front of him. Speaking of spaghetti - they are eating a lot of it. It's one of the few things they will eat. They will try almost nothing new. I keep trying and throwing stuff out. So, tonight I wanted to get some protein in their bellies. The spaghetti sauce we ate had meatballs in it and I knew they weren't going to eat them. Then I remembered that Terri got us the magic bullet and we could puree the meatballs. It totally worked. Both boys ate meat in their spaghetti and didn't know it. I wonder what the diapers will be like tomorrow...
I am seriously more in love with Chuck than ever before. He is such a good daddy. It hasn't been easy for him to be rejected by Noah, but he perseveres. One might think that we'd be fighting like cats and dogs under this new level of stress, but we have been a great team for the most part. Yes, we've had our moments and I've snapped at him, but we are doing really well as team Cason. I absolutely love to watch Chuck play with the boys. When he came home this afternoon the boys were thrilled to see him. They immediately started rough housing to the point I was frightened they'd hurt the baby as I nursed him on the couch. But it was awesome. Chuck took some video yesterday as we all played with a few balls in the living room. When he has a chance to get it on YouTube he will.
Hopefully tonight will be the night I can download some pictures. The night is young and two out of three boys are sleeping and number three shouldn't be hungry for a few more hours. I'm typing this from the boys' room as I've been waiting for Samuel to conk out.
It really does get better each day. Sunday was probably the hardest day I've ever experienced, but each day shows improvement.
God is funny. The timing of all of this and the added stress of having a c-section recovery is overwhelming. I'm a "ducks in a row" kind of gal. I like to be prepared. I like to go to bed with a clean kitchen and a good idea of how the next day will flow. My ducks are dead, I think. I'm pretty organized, but I feel like we are operating in survival mode right now. I can plan meals, but if the boys don't eat them, I have to quickly come up with a new plan. It is especially hard that I can't leave the room without Noah freaking out. My laundry room is in the garage, and I really can't take the boys out there with me. They follow me from room to room as I do things around the house. They even come to the bathroom with me. Fun!
Okay, I need to ask for some prayer requests. I'm terrified that Tristan will get sick from the boys. We have been hypervigilant with handwashing. Noah has an eye gunk thing going on and Samuel has a raspy cough, but thankfully no runny nose. Both boys were treated for scabies before coming home, but scabies can be hard to get rid of. I don't think they have scabies, but if they do it is so easy to spread. Babies Tristan's age cannot be treated for scabies. They both also have a weird spot on their scalps. We see the doctor on Friday. Please just pray that the boys don't get any of us sick in the meantime.
Another prayer request if for the visit this weekend with my mom and sister. Please pray that the boys don't suffer any setbacks over having guests in the house. My mom and sister both know that they can't really interact with the boys or hold them. They are coming anyway and will help out with Tristan. I'm really looking forward to seeing them and having some extra sets of hands.
Our van has something majorly wrong with the brakes. Chuck is bringing it in tomorrow. Please pray that it's not too expensive. We just spent a fortune getting the boys home and our savings has taken some big hits lately. Oh yeah, and the van is the only vehicle we have that gets all 5 of us around.
Chuck has developed plantar fasciitis. It is incredibly painful and makes it hard for him to get around. It really kicked in the day we got to Miami and he could barely walk. Please pray that God would heal this. It's the last thing we need right now.
I'd also ask for continued healing following my c-section. I was just telling a friend this afternoon how well I'm doing and I've been having pain ever since. I'm doing too much and picking up the boys, but honestly I can't not pick up Noah at times. Friday will be 4 weeks out from the surgery, so we are getting there.
And finally, lots of people have emailed and called to see how they can help us. The answer right now is that we're really not sure. Meals are great, though we feel like we've received so much already in the meal department. Initially I thought it would be great to have ladies come over during the day once Chuck goes back to work, but having visitors in our home may be detremental to the boys as we work on bonding. So, in the meantime, please pray for us. We can feel it and it's really the best thing you can do for us.
Okay, I've rambled longer than I expected. I'll try to work on getting some pictures posted.
It was a good day around here. Everyone slept until 7 a.m. or later. That was a blessing. We had no major meltdowns. Chuck even left for 2 or 3 hours to run errands and I was able to hold down the fort. Tristan has eased into a good feeding and sleeping schedule and for the most part sticks to it.
Noah even allowed Chuck to pick him up a number of times today. He still is preferring me and if he's not getting his way he will stay far from Chuck and get really clingy with me. This happened at dinner time. Both the boys were whining for bread as dinner was cooking. We decided to put them in their chairs before dinner was ready and start them off with some bread and butter. Samuel was down with that idea. He is currently the better eater of the two. Noah was not okay with it unless I was the one to put him in his seat and sit right next to him. Well, I'm not supposed to lift him (though I do when I have to) and I was busy getting dinner on plates, so he didn't get any bread before dinner. He had a mini meltdown over it, but chilled out once his spaghetti was in front of him. Speaking of spaghetti - they are eating a lot of it. It's one of the few things they will eat. They will try almost nothing new. I keep trying and throwing stuff out. So, tonight I wanted to get some protein in their bellies. The spaghetti sauce we ate had meatballs in it and I knew they weren't going to eat them. Then I remembered that Terri got us the magic bullet and we could puree the meatballs. It totally worked. Both boys ate meat in their spaghetti and didn't know it. I wonder what the diapers will be like tomorrow...
I am seriously more in love with Chuck than ever before. He is such a good daddy. It hasn't been easy for him to be rejected by Noah, but he perseveres. One might think that we'd be fighting like cats and dogs under this new level of stress, but we have been a great team for the most part. Yes, we've had our moments and I've snapped at him, but we are doing really well as team Cason. I absolutely love to watch Chuck play with the boys. When he came home this afternoon the boys were thrilled to see him. They immediately started rough housing to the point I was frightened they'd hurt the baby as I nursed him on the couch. But it was awesome. Chuck took some video yesterday as we all played with a few balls in the living room. When he has a chance to get it on YouTube he will.
Hopefully tonight will be the night I can download some pictures. The night is young and two out of three boys are sleeping and number three shouldn't be hungry for a few more hours. I'm typing this from the boys' room as I've been waiting for Samuel to conk out.
It really does get better each day. Sunday was probably the hardest day I've ever experienced, but each day shows improvement.
God is funny. The timing of all of this and the added stress of having a c-section recovery is overwhelming. I'm a "ducks in a row" kind of gal. I like to be prepared. I like to go to bed with a clean kitchen and a good idea of how the next day will flow. My ducks are dead, I think. I'm pretty organized, but I feel like we are operating in survival mode right now. I can plan meals, but if the boys don't eat them, I have to quickly come up with a new plan. It is especially hard that I can't leave the room without Noah freaking out. My laundry room is in the garage, and I really can't take the boys out there with me. They follow me from room to room as I do things around the house. They even come to the bathroom with me. Fun!
Okay, I need to ask for some prayer requests. I'm terrified that Tristan will get sick from the boys. We have been hypervigilant with handwashing. Noah has an eye gunk thing going on and Samuel has a raspy cough, but thankfully no runny nose. Both boys were treated for scabies before coming home, but scabies can be hard to get rid of. I don't think they have scabies, but if they do it is so easy to spread. Babies Tristan's age cannot be treated for scabies. They both also have a weird spot on their scalps. We see the doctor on Friday. Please just pray that the boys don't get any of us sick in the meantime.
Another prayer request if for the visit this weekend with my mom and sister. Please pray that the boys don't suffer any setbacks over having guests in the house. My mom and sister both know that they can't really interact with the boys or hold them. They are coming anyway and will help out with Tristan. I'm really looking forward to seeing them and having some extra sets of hands.
Our van has something majorly wrong with the brakes. Chuck is bringing it in tomorrow. Please pray that it's not too expensive. We just spent a fortune getting the boys home and our savings has taken some big hits lately. Oh yeah, and the van is the only vehicle we have that gets all 5 of us around.
Chuck has developed plantar fasciitis. It is incredibly painful and makes it hard for him to get around. It really kicked in the day we got to Miami and he could barely walk. Please pray that God would heal this. It's the last thing we need right now.
I'd also ask for continued healing following my c-section. I was just telling a friend this afternoon how well I'm doing and I've been having pain ever since. I'm doing too much and picking up the boys, but honestly I can't not pick up Noah at times. Friday will be 4 weeks out from the surgery, so we are getting there.
And finally, lots of people have emailed and called to see how they can help us. The answer right now is that we're really not sure. Meals are great, though we feel like we've received so much already in the meal department. Initially I thought it would be great to have ladies come over during the day once Chuck goes back to work, but having visitors in our home may be detremental to the boys as we work on bonding. So, in the meantime, please pray for us. We can feel it and it's really the best thing you can do for us.
Okay, I've rambled longer than I expected. I'll try to work on getting some pictures posted.
Diapers
God help the person who tries to steal our identities through our trash can. We hate to open the lid because it smells SO bad.
Haitian diapers are something special. If you haven't experienced one, you have no idea. There aren't words to describe it. Our boys will see the Dr. on Friday and I'm sure he will test for parasites at that time. We are dealing with some awful diapers around here.
The smell is the worst part. Our whole house smelled on Sunday and Monday. Yesterday we bought some air fresheners and they are helping some.
If you have dealt with Haitian diapers, could you please share with me what you did to keep your home from smelling like them?? We would LOVE to hear from you.
I'll end with a funny story. Of the two boys, Chuck can only change Samuel's diaper. Unfortunately Noah poops more. The first time Chuck changed Samuel's diaper, this is what I heard:
"Oh God! Oh God!! Juli, it's everywhere." Then I heard scurrying and gagging. Lots of gagging. Chuck had to leave the room and get kleenex to shove up his nose so he could finish the job. He was really grateful that he hadn't eaten anything because he was sure he would have thrown up. Good times, good times!
Haitian diapers are something special. If you haven't experienced one, you have no idea. There aren't words to describe it. Our boys will see the Dr. on Friday and I'm sure he will test for parasites at that time. We are dealing with some awful diapers around here.
The smell is the worst part. Our whole house smelled on Sunday and Monday. Yesterday we bought some air fresheners and they are helping some.
If you have dealt with Haitian diapers, could you please share with me what you did to keep your home from smelling like them?? We would LOVE to hear from you.
I'll end with a funny story. Of the two boys, Chuck can only change Samuel's diaper. Unfortunately Noah poops more. The first time Chuck changed Samuel's diaper, this is what I heard:
"Oh God! Oh God!! Juli, it's everywhere." Then I heard scurrying and gagging. Lots of gagging. Chuck had to leave the room and get kleenex to shove up his nose so he could finish the job. He was really grateful that he hadn't eaten anything because he was sure he would have thrown up. Good times, good times!
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Thank Yous
The love, support, generosity, and prayer that we've encountered over the last month has been just incredible. I honestly don't know how to describe what it has meant to us. We have never experienced this kind of compassionate love before. We thank all of you from the bottom of our hearts for how you've cared for and loved on us.
It is my goal to get real thank yous out, but we'll see about that. I barely have time to eat, so thank yous haven't really been at the top of the list these last few days. I thought it was hard to get things done with a newborn, but it's quite impossible to get things done with three kids under three. I vacuumed this morning (and I have mostly hardwood floors, so it wasn't a lot of vacuuming!) and that was a huge accomplishment for me. I know you all want to see pictures, and hopefully I can do that in the next post. I hate downloading my pictures and it takes some time, of which I have none. I just don't have the energy to do it yet, but I will soon.
There is one thank you, though, that can't get lost in the heap. Chuck and I are forever indebted to our dear friend Terri who came with us to care for Tristan. As you know, our flight into Haiti was cancelled and we had to wait an additional three days to go get the boys. Terri flew back to Miami so that she could be there for us, at her own expense. Then, she got stuck in Miami with us on Friday night when our flight home was cancelled. She ended up missing a party on Saturday night because of it. Her generosity, compassion, and utter selflessness while ministering to us was amazing. In getting to know Terri over the last few years, I'm blown away repeatedly by her life story and how she has chosen to walk the path God has given her. She has taken tragedy and turned it into helping others. She continues to seek to glorify God in all she does. In addition to all this, Terri and her husband are pursuing adoption and their path has been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. I ask those of you who pray to pray for them as they move foreward with pursuing the adoption of two siblings from Africa. Satan hates, hates, hates adoption (We are a testimony to that! Just look at Hurricane Hanna's storm path.), so please keep them in your prayers. They have definitely experienced the spiritual warfare of adoption.
Terri, we love you and we can't thank you enough for all you've done for us. We would have never made it without you. You are the best "nanny" ever! All three boys will always know you as Aunt Terri.
It is my goal to get real thank yous out, but we'll see about that. I barely have time to eat, so thank yous haven't really been at the top of the list these last few days. I thought it was hard to get things done with a newborn, but it's quite impossible to get things done with three kids under three. I vacuumed this morning (and I have mostly hardwood floors, so it wasn't a lot of vacuuming!) and that was a huge accomplishment for me. I know you all want to see pictures, and hopefully I can do that in the next post. I hate downloading my pictures and it takes some time, of which I have none. I just don't have the energy to do it yet, but I will soon.
There is one thank you, though, that can't get lost in the heap. Chuck and I are forever indebted to our dear friend Terri who came with us to care for Tristan. As you know, our flight into Haiti was cancelled and we had to wait an additional three days to go get the boys. Terri flew back to Miami so that she could be there for us, at her own expense. Then, she got stuck in Miami with us on Friday night when our flight home was cancelled. She ended up missing a party on Saturday night because of it. Her generosity, compassion, and utter selflessness while ministering to us was amazing. In getting to know Terri over the last few years, I'm blown away repeatedly by her life story and how she has chosen to walk the path God has given her. She has taken tragedy and turned it into helping others. She continues to seek to glorify God in all she does. In addition to all this, Terri and her husband are pursuing adoption and their path has been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. I ask those of you who pray to pray for them as they move foreward with pursuing the adoption of two siblings from Africa. Satan hates, hates, hates adoption (We are a testimony to that! Just look at Hurricane Hanna's storm path.), so please keep them in your prayers. They have definitely experienced the spiritual warfare of adoption.
Terri, we love you and we can't thank you enough for all you've done for us. We would have never made it without you. You are the best "nanny" ever! All three boys will always know you as Aunt Terri.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Wow...
Three little boys are A LOT of work.
We wouldn't change a thing, though. Yesterday had it's high highs and low lows. My lowest was just before bedtime when I turned to Chuck with tears in my eyes and said, "What was God thinking?"
At one point all three were screaming. Good times, good times.
We had a friend come over and one of the boys was definitely mommy shopping. We've decided it will be best, at least for a while, to have no visitors. The boys need to begin to settle into the idea of one mommy, one daddy. And speaking of daddy, please pray that Noah warms up to Chuck. He definitely prefers me and at times is fearful of Chuck. They have fun playing, but when Noah's mood is more serious he clings to me when Chuck is near. It is heartbreaking to see Chuck receive this. Anyone who knows him knows how he has longed for his boys.
I've shared my concerns for Samuel in the past. I have to say that he is absolutely blossoming. Of the two, he is doing far better. The Lord certainly heard my prayers for that little heart. Now, I pray He will answer my prayers for Noah.
More later, and hopefully pictures, too.
We wouldn't change a thing, though. Yesterday had it's high highs and low lows. My lowest was just before bedtime when I turned to Chuck with tears in my eyes and said, "What was God thinking?"
At one point all three were screaming. Good times, good times.
We had a friend come over and one of the boys was definitely mommy shopping. We've decided it will be best, at least for a while, to have no visitors. The boys need to begin to settle into the idea of one mommy, one daddy. And speaking of daddy, please pray that Noah warms up to Chuck. He definitely prefers me and at times is fearful of Chuck. They have fun playing, but when Noah's mood is more serious he clings to me when Chuck is near. It is heartbreaking to see Chuck receive this. Anyone who knows him knows how he has longed for his boys.
I've shared my concerns for Samuel in the past. I have to say that he is absolutely blossoming. Of the two, he is doing far better. The Lord certainly heard my prayers for that little heart. Now, I pray He will answer my prayers for Noah.
More later, and hopefully pictures, too.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
HOME
We are home at last! We pulled into our driveway at about 11 p.m.
We have 3 sleeping boys, so we are going to take advantage of that and get some sleep ourselves.
I will post more later; I'm just too tired to do so now.
God is SO VERY good!
We have 3 sleeping boys, so we are going to take advantage of that and get some sleep ourselves.
I will post more later; I'm just too tired to do so now.
God is SO VERY good!
Saturday, September 06, 2008
The New Plan
Okay, so the new plan is for us to take a flight from here (Miami) to Norfolk at 6:55 and arrive home at 9:20 p.m. That's the original flight we were booked on for Tuesday night and then again last night. We are praying it happens tonight.
I should be able to post if that plan doesn't happen. We are getting conflicting reports about the weather in Norfolk.
Here are a few photos for now...
I should be able to post if that plan doesn't happen. We are getting conflicting reports about the weather in Norfolk.
Here are a few photos for now...
Friday, September 05, 2008
We Have Them!
We have the boys!!
We made it in and out of Haiti today without issue. The boys are doing great. Samuel was very sad to leave, but clung to Chuck as we entered the airport. He stayed in his arms until we got to the boarding area. Noah was fine, but had problems with his ears (we think) when we descended. He cried, but was okay shortly after we landed.
We have three sleeping boys right now. God is good!
Unfortunately we are still in Miami, though. Our flight home was cancelled due to weather. Tropical Storm Hanna is set to hit our area tomorrow. I'm not sure why American Airlines cancelled our flight today since the storm will not hit until tomorrow afternoon. We are rebooked to fly home tomorrow, but we'll be surprised if our flight isn't cancelled again.
At this point, I just want to be home. Visiting my Dad was fantastic, and we are so grateful that we were able to introduce him to his grandson so early in his life. That made Tuesday's cancelled flight all worth it. I'm sure God's got a plan in today's cancelled flight, but I'm just a little weary now. Traveling with 3 kids is tricky. We are so blessed to have our friend Terri with us. She has blessed us in so many ways on this trip and she is awesome with the kids. We have no idea what we are doing a lot of the time, and she just gracefully steps in.
There is so much more to write and so many pictures to share. Hopefully I'll be able to find time sometime soon to share it all.
Please pray that we can get home. We are ready to get settled into a routine of some sort and start our new life as a family of 5.
We made it in and out of Haiti today without issue. The boys are doing great. Samuel was very sad to leave, but clung to Chuck as we entered the airport. He stayed in his arms until we got to the boarding area. Noah was fine, but had problems with his ears (we think) when we descended. He cried, but was okay shortly after we landed.
We have three sleeping boys right now. God is good!
Unfortunately we are still in Miami, though. Our flight home was cancelled due to weather. Tropical Storm Hanna is set to hit our area tomorrow. I'm not sure why American Airlines cancelled our flight today since the storm will not hit until tomorrow afternoon. We are rebooked to fly home tomorrow, but we'll be surprised if our flight isn't cancelled again.
At this point, I just want to be home. Visiting my Dad was fantastic, and we are so grateful that we were able to introduce him to his grandson so early in his life. That made Tuesday's cancelled flight all worth it. I'm sure God's got a plan in today's cancelled flight, but I'm just a little weary now. Traveling with 3 kids is tricky. We are so blessed to have our friend Terri with us. She has blessed us in so many ways on this trip and she is awesome with the kids. We have no idea what we are doing a lot of the time, and she just gracefully steps in.
There is so much more to write and so many pictures to share. Hopefully I'll be able to find time sometime soon to share it all.
Please pray that we can get home. We are ready to get settled into a routine of some sort and start our new life as a family of 5.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Un-Friggin-Believable
That is the only word to describe our current situation.
Our flight to Haiti this morning is cancelled. Hurricane Hannah decided to turn south toward Haiti.
We have rebooked our flight.
To Friday. Arriving home at the same time, 9:20 p.m.
FRIDAY.
And there is another hurricane out there that could cause us problems on Friday.
What's kind of cool is we have people here in FL who we can go visit. My Dad will get to meet Tristan. We will have ourselves a little mini-vacation. It's not what we were planning, but it is what it is.
Your prayers as we adjust to this new plan would be so very appreciated.
Our flight to Haiti this morning is cancelled. Hurricane Hannah decided to turn south toward Haiti.
We have rebooked our flight.
To Friday. Arriving home at the same time, 9:20 p.m.
FRIDAY.
And there is another hurricane out there that could cause us problems on Friday.
What's kind of cool is we have people here in FL who we can go visit. My Dad will get to meet Tristan. We will have ourselves a little mini-vacation. It's not what we were planning, but it is what it is.
Your prayers as we adjust to this new plan would be so very appreciated.
Monday, September 01, 2008
One More Sleep...
In 5 hours and 10 minutes we will wake up to begin our day of getting our boys.
Wow. It is so completely surreal. We have been in Miami all day. Terri took Tristan for a few hours and let us catch some z's. Such a blessing!
She insists that we go to bed at 11 whether Tristan is sleeping or not. I will probably wake up to feed Tristan before we get up at 4 a.m. Then we will be off to Haiti.
It just wouldn't be our adoption if there wasn't a hurricane looming in the caribbean. Hurricane Hannah is between here and Port au Prince. Please pray with us that she doesn't delay our trip or our return.
And please keep the boys in prayer. It is going to be REALLY hard to not be able to pick them up and comfort them. I'm praying that God will show me how to bring them comfort while I'm not able to lift them. We are going to run into some situations where Chuck is going to have to carry them both at the same time (like going up the steps to board the plane), so please pray that his back can withstand that.
My next post should be one announcing our arrival! In the event we are delayed, I will try to get things posted here on the blog.
Wow. It is so completely surreal. We have been in Miami all day. Terri took Tristan for a few hours and let us catch some z's. Such a blessing!
She insists that we go to bed at 11 whether Tristan is sleeping or not. I will probably wake up to feed Tristan before we get up at 4 a.m. Then we will be off to Haiti.
It just wouldn't be our adoption if there wasn't a hurricane looming in the caribbean. Hurricane Hannah is between here and Port au Prince. Please pray with us that she doesn't delay our trip or our return.
And please keep the boys in prayer. It is going to be REALLY hard to not be able to pick them up and comfort them. I'm praying that God will show me how to bring them comfort while I'm not able to lift them. We are going to run into some situations where Chuck is going to have to carry them both at the same time (like going up the steps to board the plane), so please pray that his back can withstand that.
My next post should be one announcing our arrival! In the event we are delayed, I will try to get things posted here on the blog.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tristan's Birth
Being pregnant and overdue is no fun. Being pregnant and overdue and knowing that you need to have your baby in order to pick up your adopted kids is just awful. That's where we were at on August 13th.
We got the news late that evening that our boys were finally ready to come home. We were ecstatic. I had always dreamed of getting that news and then quickly calling American Airlines to book our flights. Well, we couldn't book our flights because we needed to have the baby first and make sure he and I were both healthy and able to travel.
So, when we went to the doctor on Thursday, 8/14, and learned that our choices were to be induced on Friday with our favorite doctor or on Monday with one of the other doctors, it was an easy decision. We had fought induction for 3 weeks by then. At 38 weeks I was told we were having a large baby and induction was recommended. At 39 weeks we again stated that we didn't want to induce. At 40 weeks we knew that induction was looming in the future as our doctors don't allow you to go beyond 42 weeks. At two days shy of 41 weeks, knowing that our twins were nearly ready to come home, the doctor again asked if we wanted to induce. We decided to pray about it, but didn't feel like it was time yet. When we went back to the doctor a few days later on 8/14 we were finally ready to submit to induction.
My doctor had me admitted to the hosptial the night before to prepare my cervix for induction the next morning. They did a drug-free procedure that got my cervix dilated to 4 cm by morning.
I need to take a break from the story to explain my desires for this birth. But first, I need to go back a long time in history to when my sister was born. I was nearly three and when I learned how babies were born I was completely freaked out. I remember a book and there was a picture with a woman's legs in stirrups with sheets draped over them. From that point on I was terrified of childbirth and vowed that I wouldn't have kids. In addition to that, my mother shared the story of my birth, which was quite traumatic for her because I was born butt first. Needless to say, she had a rough delivery.
3 1/2 years ago I was pregnant. Chuck and I were thrilled. I immediately went out and bought "What to Expect When Expecting." I read it all the time. I was still very freaked out about vaginal birth and was of the mindset that a c-section didn't sound so bad. I remember reading one night about episiotomies and I threw the book across the room. I was that scared.
That pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and it was through the pain and processing of the miscarriage that God spoke to me about adoption. While it was a terribly painful time in my life, I'm very grateful I went through it. I know the pain of miscarriage and I can minister to those who go through it. I also know that I wouldn't be bringing home two very handsome Haitian boys next week if it weren't for that loss.
In late November I was finally pregnant again. We were so excited, but cautious. The first trimester was miserable. I had morning sickness that lasted all. day. long. I took comfort in the sickness, though, since I hadn't experienced that with the first pregnancy. I was still quite scared of childbirth, but had met some people along the way who really believed in the benefits of natural childbirth (without drugs). I had heard them out and found myself interested in learning more. As I did my research, my mindset completely changed and I found myself desiring to deliver my baby without drugs of any sort.
Now that is crazy. I'm a wimp. I cry hard if I stub my toe. I might even swear. But, I really wanted to give my baby the best start in life and I rested in the idea that God created my body to birth children and that with His help, I could deliver my baby without drugs. I did have two concerns, though. I knew that if I had to be induced or if I ended up with back labor, I may not be able to tolerate the pain.
As I did my research on drugs during childbirth, I also studied the use of pitocin, which is used to induce labor. Most people I know who had a pitocin induced labor have a horror story birth story. Many ended up laboring long hours, only to deliver by c-section. There are studies trying to link the use of pitocin to autism. Chuck and I watched a documentary called "The Business of Being Born" and learned a lot about the way childbirth is approached in our country.
So, after all of my research and prayer, Chuck and I decided that I would try to deliver the baby without the use of any drugs. We agreed that we would only induce if necessary. We were of one mind regarding this, and we caught a lot of flack from others. It was really hard to have people in our life give us a hard time about this choice. I really thought people would be happy that we wanted to give our son the best possible start in life. Instead many teased and told us that we couldn't do it. I prayed so much about all of this. I was hurt and really found comfort in God alone. It is to His glory that I even confronted my fears of childbirth and made the decision to trust Him. When I think about the utter fear that used to grip me when thinking of childbirth, I know that God was at work in my heart.
Okay, back to the birth story. We arrived at the hospital at 4:00 on Thursday 8/14. By 4:30 they had me hooked up to monitors, and to my surprise I was having contractions. I had prayed that I'd go into labor on my own, and that seemed to be happening. The contractions weren't painful at first, but they were consistent. By 5:30 my cervix had been prepped. Chuck went out and got us some dinner and my mom hung out with us until it got dark outside. My contractions got stronger, and I was sure I wouldn't be sleeping that evening. The doctor recommended that I take an ambien so that I could sleep as the following day could be a long one. I resisted the ambien, expecting to not be able to sleep through the pain of the contractions, but the nurse assured me that it would help me sleep. She was right.
At 6:00 a.m. the following morning they started the pitocin. My contractions had slowed during the night, to my dismay. Every 15 minutes or so they would come in and up the pitocin. It wasn't too bad at first, but that changed quickly. I had to stay on the fetal monitor, so I couldn't get up and walk around, which was something I knew would be important in managing my pain. I was able to sit on the birthing ball, and that was helpful, though not enough. By 8:20 my contractions were every 2-3 minutes, with some just a minute apart. The nurse had checked me and I was dilated to a 5/6, which was disappointing to me. I had really thought I'd be farther along since I was experiencing such tremendous pain. There seemed to be a band of scar tissue on my cervix and the nurse suspected that once it broke I'd begin to dilate quickly. The pain was so intense. I had a list of affirmations that I tried to say in my mind with every contraction, but soon found that counting my breaths better helped me to get through the contractions. I knew that once I hit 10 the contraction would be nearly over, if not over. The pain got so intense that I would come out of each contraction shaking violently. I told Chuck a few times, "I can't do this." His response each time was, "Yes you can. You are strong." At one point he tried reading some of the affirmations to me and I said, "I don't want to hear that crap." That was the meanest I got. A little while later he asked if I wanted to take some meds to take the edge off. I knew that I would rather get an epidural than introduce narcotic pain meds into my system. I was afraid I'd have a doped up baby that was unable to breastfeed. I told Chuck I wanted to get the epidural, probably at around 8:35. Chuck immediately called the nurse and she said it wouldn't be long. I remember looking at the clock at 8:45, wondering where the heck the anestesiologist was. He arrived shortly after.
Chuck had to leave the room while I got the epidural. It took the doctor two painful tries. He said I had a deep space and that was why it was painful. But, once it was in place and turned on, it was wonderful. I know that the epidural is only supposed to numb the body from the belly down, but I swear mine made me a little loopy. I was immediately calm and it was such a relief to feel calm.
Not too long after the epidural was put in place, the baby's heart rate dropped. The nurse put me on my side and tried moving the baby to get his heart rate back up. I was so thankful I had the epidural as she tried moving him around. I'm really not sure if it was the epidural or the knot in the umbilical cord (that we didn't know about until he was delivered) that caused the heart rate to drop. I just know that the nurse was very serious, though not so much so that she scared me. Chuck was not in the room when it happened, thankfully, because I know he would have been terrified. My pitocin was stopped during all of this and then slowly restarted.
At around noon the nurse checked me again and I was still at 6 cm. When I learned that I was so thankful I had gotten the epidural. I would have been so frustrated if I had labored another 3 hours, only to make no progress. She put in a call to my doctor asking her to come and "break apart" the scar tissue.
At around 2:00 we had heartrate problems again. The nurse was able to adjust me and the baby so that the heartrate stabilized. She checked me and I learned that I was at 7/8 cm and the scar tissue had resolved by itself. She suspected that when the scar tissue broke apart that it had an effect on the baby. I'm not sure how or why that would occur; I think it had to do with the cord problem.
The doctor arrived shorty after and I was at 8/9 cm. She didn't think it would be long before I would be pushing. They were right - once the scar tissue was broken, my cervix dilated quickly.
All this time, I was lying on my right side, trying to keep the baby happy. I was also on oxygen and had been since the first time we had heartrate problems.
At 3:30 the doctor checked me again and said I was just about ready to start pushing. They brought in a big cart and I expected bright lights, lots of people, and for my bed to be broken down. None of that happened. It was the doctor, the labor and delivery nurse, Chuck, and me. The doctor sat on the side of my bed and I was positioned to push. We tried it on my back first and the baby's heartrate didn't tolerate that. We tried pushing on my side, again, the heartrate wasn't good. They put in an internal fetal monitor, hoping to get a better reading. The heartrate was still not good when pushing. They decided to replace the internal fetal monitor because they didn't like the way it was reading. Yet still, with each push, the babies heart rate would go from about 150 to 50 or 60. To make matters worse, it would take about a minute for the baby to recover. The doctor asked me to get on all fours and stay like that awhile in hopes that the baby would move and that his heartrate would stabilize. I was really embarrased by that position, but they were very kind and kept me covered. We also tried pushing in that position and the baby's heartrate was still dipping. We tried one last time on my back and got the same results. At that point the doctor told us she wanted to do a c-section. She explained that if I only had about 15 minutes of pushing ahead of me that she would try to deliver the baby vaginally. However, she suspected that I'd be pushing for about and hour and a half and she didn't believe the baby would handle it well - as in long term damage from lack of oxygen. She was very compassionate and told us that she had wanted to do everything possible to deliver the baby vaginally because she knew we had an upcoming trip to Haiti to get the boys, but that more so she wanted us to have a healthy baby. I listened and nodded my head. She left the room and I began to sob.
Things began to move really fast after that. I was experiencing very painful contractions, I'm guessing because they turned my epidural off for pushing. I was an emotional mess, still crying over the need for the c-section. I remember feeling strongly like I needed to get up and go somewhere, like to the restroom or for a walk or home. At one point I told Chuck we needed to get out of there. I think I was just responding poorly to the complete lack of control I had in the situation. A number of people were in and out of the room. I drank some awful tasting stuff, was given a shot to stop my contractions, and the anestisiology team was in and out preparing my epidural for surgery. Soon enough I was being wheeled down to the OR. I remember laying on my back, which hurt a lot. I remember wondering how I was going to tolerate laying on my back through surgery because it hurt so bad.
When we got into the OR they quickly moved me to another bed. I began to shake violently at that point. I've seen a number of friends shake violently after giving birth, but I did so before. The doctor began asking me if I could feel certain things. Each time she got to the right side of my belly I could feel a pinch. This went on for a while, but I kept feeling the pinch. There was talk of doing a spinal, and honestly I'm not sure why they chose not to do one - maybe because of my violent shaking. Eventually they began the surgery and I felt things on the right side. I told them I could feel things and that it hurt. It was not pressure. It was pain. And it was horrible. Eventually Chuck was brought in and he held my right hand through the whole thing. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him to have to sit there while I consistently told them I was in pain.
Most women I know who've had c-sections always say two things - that it happened very fast and that they felt no pain, only pressure. For me, it seemed to take an eternity. I was in so much pain and I kept waiting for them to do something to make it stop hurting. I guess they couldn't until the baby was out. Finally, I heard Tristan cry. He came out crying loudly and they showed him to me over the screen before taking him to the other side of the room to clean him up. It was then that we learned that he had a knot in his umbilical cord. He also had quite the conehead from sitting in my pelvis.
It seemed to take them forever to close me up. I was still in a lot of pain, though I know they were pumping me full of drugs. Chuck says I began to bleed a lot, so maybe that slowed things down. At this point I began begging them to make the pain stop. I just couldn't believe that I was still experiencing so much pain and that they couldn't make it stop. Chuck was holding Tristan and they were both crying. I was really disinterested in anything but getting the pain stopped. And that makes me cry. I really feel like I missed out on Tristan's birth and the beauty and joy of it because of the pain I was in. Most women have their babies and forget all the pain they've just experienced. Mine was delivered and then I was unable to be present because of the pain.
I've cried many tears over this, and I'm doing so right now. I talked to my doctor and I have an understanding of why things happened the way they did. I'm not posting this to point fingers in any direction. It is what it is. It's something I have to process through and turn over to God. I have prayed a lot about this, and I trust that God will bring me healing both physically and emotionally. If you choose to comment on this, I just ask that you not comment negatively about the medical care I received. I have come to a place of understanding of why things happened like they did. No, it was not ideal, but I made it through.
Once I was returned to my hospital room, I was given some toradol and that seemed to work to get my pain under control. I was afraid to hold Tristan before that because of the pain I was experiencing. It was pure joy when I was finally able to hold him and nurse him. We were able to keep Tristan for 2 hours after he was born before he was taken to the nursery. While he was in the nursery I was relocated to a post partum room. Later they brought Tristan in to me and he breastfed again. He latched right on with no problem. The nursery nurse who was there told me how very blessed I was to have that experience with breastfeeding. And we continue to be blessed in this department.
C-section recovery is definitely rough. The following morning I got up for the first time and I was really surprised by how very sore I was. I couldn't even stand up straight. I didn't change any of Tristan's diapers the first few days because I just didn't have enough range of motion to do so. Chuck was such a trooper. We chose to have Tristan with us all the time. Three times a day, at shift change, they would take Tristan back to the nursery to get his vitals. Other than those times, we kept him with us. I didn't get a lot of rest, but when I think back on those first few days of his life, I remember the quiet late nights nursing him and falling in complete love with him.
So, that's the story. Tristan has been home nearly two weeks now and we are just loving it. Yes, having a newborn is exhausting, but so awesome. God has trusted us with this awesome little guy and we are in love with him.
We got the news late that evening that our boys were finally ready to come home. We were ecstatic. I had always dreamed of getting that news and then quickly calling American Airlines to book our flights. Well, we couldn't book our flights because we needed to have the baby first and make sure he and I were both healthy and able to travel.
So, when we went to the doctor on Thursday, 8/14, and learned that our choices were to be induced on Friday with our favorite doctor or on Monday with one of the other doctors, it was an easy decision. We had fought induction for 3 weeks by then. At 38 weeks I was told we were having a large baby and induction was recommended. At 39 weeks we again stated that we didn't want to induce. At 40 weeks we knew that induction was looming in the future as our doctors don't allow you to go beyond 42 weeks. At two days shy of 41 weeks, knowing that our twins were nearly ready to come home, the doctor again asked if we wanted to induce. We decided to pray about it, but didn't feel like it was time yet. When we went back to the doctor a few days later on 8/14 we were finally ready to submit to induction.
My doctor had me admitted to the hosptial the night before to prepare my cervix for induction the next morning. They did a drug-free procedure that got my cervix dilated to 4 cm by morning.
I need to take a break from the story to explain my desires for this birth. But first, I need to go back a long time in history to when my sister was born. I was nearly three and when I learned how babies were born I was completely freaked out. I remember a book and there was a picture with a woman's legs in stirrups with sheets draped over them. From that point on I was terrified of childbirth and vowed that I wouldn't have kids. In addition to that, my mother shared the story of my birth, which was quite traumatic for her because I was born butt first. Needless to say, she had a rough delivery.
3 1/2 years ago I was pregnant. Chuck and I were thrilled. I immediately went out and bought "What to Expect When Expecting." I read it all the time. I was still very freaked out about vaginal birth and was of the mindset that a c-section didn't sound so bad. I remember reading one night about episiotomies and I threw the book across the room. I was that scared.
That pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and it was through the pain and processing of the miscarriage that God spoke to me about adoption. While it was a terribly painful time in my life, I'm very grateful I went through it. I know the pain of miscarriage and I can minister to those who go through it. I also know that I wouldn't be bringing home two very handsome Haitian boys next week if it weren't for that loss.
In late November I was finally pregnant again. We were so excited, but cautious. The first trimester was miserable. I had morning sickness that lasted all. day. long. I took comfort in the sickness, though, since I hadn't experienced that with the first pregnancy. I was still quite scared of childbirth, but had met some people along the way who really believed in the benefits of natural childbirth (without drugs). I had heard them out and found myself interested in learning more. As I did my research, my mindset completely changed and I found myself desiring to deliver my baby without drugs of any sort.
Now that is crazy. I'm a wimp. I cry hard if I stub my toe. I might even swear. But, I really wanted to give my baby the best start in life and I rested in the idea that God created my body to birth children and that with His help, I could deliver my baby without drugs. I did have two concerns, though. I knew that if I had to be induced or if I ended up with back labor, I may not be able to tolerate the pain.
As I did my research on drugs during childbirth, I also studied the use of pitocin, which is used to induce labor. Most people I know who had a pitocin induced labor have a horror story birth story. Many ended up laboring long hours, only to deliver by c-section. There are studies trying to link the use of pitocin to autism. Chuck and I watched a documentary called "The Business of Being Born" and learned a lot about the way childbirth is approached in our country.
So, after all of my research and prayer, Chuck and I decided that I would try to deliver the baby without the use of any drugs. We agreed that we would only induce if necessary. We were of one mind regarding this, and we caught a lot of flack from others. It was really hard to have people in our life give us a hard time about this choice. I really thought people would be happy that we wanted to give our son the best possible start in life. Instead many teased and told us that we couldn't do it. I prayed so much about all of this. I was hurt and really found comfort in God alone. It is to His glory that I even confronted my fears of childbirth and made the decision to trust Him. When I think about the utter fear that used to grip me when thinking of childbirth, I know that God was at work in my heart.
Okay, back to the birth story. We arrived at the hospital at 4:00 on Thursday 8/14. By 4:30 they had me hooked up to monitors, and to my surprise I was having contractions. I had prayed that I'd go into labor on my own, and that seemed to be happening. The contractions weren't painful at first, but they were consistent. By 5:30 my cervix had been prepped. Chuck went out and got us some dinner and my mom hung out with us until it got dark outside. My contractions got stronger, and I was sure I wouldn't be sleeping that evening. The doctor recommended that I take an ambien so that I could sleep as the following day could be a long one. I resisted the ambien, expecting to not be able to sleep through the pain of the contractions, but the nurse assured me that it would help me sleep. She was right.
At 6:00 a.m. the following morning they started the pitocin. My contractions had slowed during the night, to my dismay. Every 15 minutes or so they would come in and up the pitocin. It wasn't too bad at first, but that changed quickly. I had to stay on the fetal monitor, so I couldn't get up and walk around, which was something I knew would be important in managing my pain. I was able to sit on the birthing ball, and that was helpful, though not enough. By 8:20 my contractions were every 2-3 minutes, with some just a minute apart. The nurse had checked me and I was dilated to a 5/6, which was disappointing to me. I had really thought I'd be farther along since I was experiencing such tremendous pain. There seemed to be a band of scar tissue on my cervix and the nurse suspected that once it broke I'd begin to dilate quickly. The pain was so intense. I had a list of affirmations that I tried to say in my mind with every contraction, but soon found that counting my breaths better helped me to get through the contractions. I knew that once I hit 10 the contraction would be nearly over, if not over. The pain got so intense that I would come out of each contraction shaking violently. I told Chuck a few times, "I can't do this." His response each time was, "Yes you can. You are strong." At one point he tried reading some of the affirmations to me and I said, "I don't want to hear that crap." That was the meanest I got. A little while later he asked if I wanted to take some meds to take the edge off. I knew that I would rather get an epidural than introduce narcotic pain meds into my system. I was afraid I'd have a doped up baby that was unable to breastfeed. I told Chuck I wanted to get the epidural, probably at around 8:35. Chuck immediately called the nurse and she said it wouldn't be long. I remember looking at the clock at 8:45, wondering where the heck the anestesiologist was. He arrived shortly after.
Chuck had to leave the room while I got the epidural. It took the doctor two painful tries. He said I had a deep space and that was why it was painful. But, once it was in place and turned on, it was wonderful. I know that the epidural is only supposed to numb the body from the belly down, but I swear mine made me a little loopy. I was immediately calm and it was such a relief to feel calm.
Not too long after the epidural was put in place, the baby's heart rate dropped. The nurse put me on my side and tried moving the baby to get his heart rate back up. I was so thankful I had the epidural as she tried moving him around. I'm really not sure if it was the epidural or the knot in the umbilical cord (that we didn't know about until he was delivered) that caused the heart rate to drop. I just know that the nurse was very serious, though not so much so that she scared me. Chuck was not in the room when it happened, thankfully, because I know he would have been terrified. My pitocin was stopped during all of this and then slowly restarted.
At around noon the nurse checked me again and I was still at 6 cm. When I learned that I was so thankful I had gotten the epidural. I would have been so frustrated if I had labored another 3 hours, only to make no progress. She put in a call to my doctor asking her to come and "break apart" the scar tissue.
At around 2:00 we had heartrate problems again. The nurse was able to adjust me and the baby so that the heartrate stabilized. She checked me and I learned that I was at 7/8 cm and the scar tissue had resolved by itself. She suspected that when the scar tissue broke apart that it had an effect on the baby. I'm not sure how or why that would occur; I think it had to do with the cord problem.
The doctor arrived shorty after and I was at 8/9 cm. She didn't think it would be long before I would be pushing. They were right - once the scar tissue was broken, my cervix dilated quickly.
All this time, I was lying on my right side, trying to keep the baby happy. I was also on oxygen and had been since the first time we had heartrate problems.
At 3:30 the doctor checked me again and said I was just about ready to start pushing. They brought in a big cart and I expected bright lights, lots of people, and for my bed to be broken down. None of that happened. It was the doctor, the labor and delivery nurse, Chuck, and me. The doctor sat on the side of my bed and I was positioned to push. We tried it on my back first and the baby's heartrate didn't tolerate that. We tried pushing on my side, again, the heartrate wasn't good. They put in an internal fetal monitor, hoping to get a better reading. The heartrate was still not good when pushing. They decided to replace the internal fetal monitor because they didn't like the way it was reading. Yet still, with each push, the babies heart rate would go from about 150 to 50 or 60. To make matters worse, it would take about a minute for the baby to recover. The doctor asked me to get on all fours and stay like that awhile in hopes that the baby would move and that his heartrate would stabilize. I was really embarrased by that position, but they were very kind and kept me covered. We also tried pushing in that position and the baby's heartrate was still dipping. We tried one last time on my back and got the same results. At that point the doctor told us she wanted to do a c-section. She explained that if I only had about 15 minutes of pushing ahead of me that she would try to deliver the baby vaginally. However, she suspected that I'd be pushing for about and hour and a half and she didn't believe the baby would handle it well - as in long term damage from lack of oxygen. She was very compassionate and told us that she had wanted to do everything possible to deliver the baby vaginally because she knew we had an upcoming trip to Haiti to get the boys, but that more so she wanted us to have a healthy baby. I listened and nodded my head. She left the room and I began to sob.
Things began to move really fast after that. I was experiencing very painful contractions, I'm guessing because they turned my epidural off for pushing. I was an emotional mess, still crying over the need for the c-section. I remember feeling strongly like I needed to get up and go somewhere, like to the restroom or for a walk or home. At one point I told Chuck we needed to get out of there. I think I was just responding poorly to the complete lack of control I had in the situation. A number of people were in and out of the room. I drank some awful tasting stuff, was given a shot to stop my contractions, and the anestisiology team was in and out preparing my epidural for surgery. Soon enough I was being wheeled down to the OR. I remember laying on my back, which hurt a lot. I remember wondering how I was going to tolerate laying on my back through surgery because it hurt so bad.
When we got into the OR they quickly moved me to another bed. I began to shake violently at that point. I've seen a number of friends shake violently after giving birth, but I did so before. The doctor began asking me if I could feel certain things. Each time she got to the right side of my belly I could feel a pinch. This went on for a while, but I kept feeling the pinch. There was talk of doing a spinal, and honestly I'm not sure why they chose not to do one - maybe because of my violent shaking. Eventually they began the surgery and I felt things on the right side. I told them I could feel things and that it hurt. It was not pressure. It was pain. And it was horrible. Eventually Chuck was brought in and he held my right hand through the whole thing. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him to have to sit there while I consistently told them I was in pain.
Most women I know who've had c-sections always say two things - that it happened very fast and that they felt no pain, only pressure. For me, it seemed to take an eternity. I was in so much pain and I kept waiting for them to do something to make it stop hurting. I guess they couldn't until the baby was out. Finally, I heard Tristan cry. He came out crying loudly and they showed him to me over the screen before taking him to the other side of the room to clean him up. It was then that we learned that he had a knot in his umbilical cord. He also had quite the conehead from sitting in my pelvis.
It seemed to take them forever to close me up. I was still in a lot of pain, though I know they were pumping me full of drugs. Chuck says I began to bleed a lot, so maybe that slowed things down. At this point I began begging them to make the pain stop. I just couldn't believe that I was still experiencing so much pain and that they couldn't make it stop. Chuck was holding Tristan and they were both crying. I was really disinterested in anything but getting the pain stopped. And that makes me cry. I really feel like I missed out on Tristan's birth and the beauty and joy of it because of the pain I was in. Most women have their babies and forget all the pain they've just experienced. Mine was delivered and then I was unable to be present because of the pain.
I've cried many tears over this, and I'm doing so right now. I talked to my doctor and I have an understanding of why things happened the way they did. I'm not posting this to point fingers in any direction. It is what it is. It's something I have to process through and turn over to God. I have prayed a lot about this, and I trust that God will bring me healing both physically and emotionally. If you choose to comment on this, I just ask that you not comment negatively about the medical care I received. I have come to a place of understanding of why things happened like they did. No, it was not ideal, but I made it through.
Once I was returned to my hospital room, I was given some toradol and that seemed to work to get my pain under control. I was afraid to hold Tristan before that because of the pain I was experiencing. It was pure joy when I was finally able to hold him and nurse him. We were able to keep Tristan for 2 hours after he was born before he was taken to the nursery. While he was in the nursery I was relocated to a post partum room. Later they brought Tristan in to me and he breastfed again. He latched right on with no problem. The nursery nurse who was there told me how very blessed I was to have that experience with breastfeeding. And we continue to be blessed in this department.
C-section recovery is definitely rough. The following morning I got up for the first time and I was really surprised by how very sore I was. I couldn't even stand up straight. I didn't change any of Tristan's diapers the first few days because I just didn't have enough range of motion to do so. Chuck was such a trooper. We chose to have Tristan with us all the time. Three times a day, at shift change, they would take Tristan back to the nursery to get his vitals. Other than those times, we kept him with us. I didn't get a lot of rest, but when I think back on those first few days of his life, I remember the quiet late nights nursing him and falling in complete love with him.
So, that's the story. Tristan has been home nearly two weeks now and we are just loving it. Yes, having a newborn is exhausting, but so awesome. God has trusted us with this awesome little guy and we are in love with him.
The Last Ones!
I can't tell you how happy I am that these pictures are the LAST monthly photo updates we will get of the boys. Tuesday morning they will be in our arms for good. I can't seem to wrap my mind around that. Wow.`
Samuel is on the top and Noah is on the bottom. I have been so worried about Samuel, and I'm glad he looks somewhat happy in this photo.
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Tomorrow we will get everything organized and packed for the trip. It is a little tricky since we are traveling with Tristan, too. We leave at 8 a.m. Monday morning and we'll spend all of Monday and Monday night in Miami. Then, first thing Tuesday morning, Chuck and I fly into Haiti while Terri and Tristan hang out in Miami.
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I ask for your prayers as we travel. We've never traveled with a newborn before, or toddlers for that matter. Please pray that all of us are prepared mentally, physically, and emotionally for this trip. Please pray especially for Noah and Samuel - for peace and comfort. I can't even begin to imagine what will go through their little heads.
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I feel amazingly calm (or is it exhaustion??) as we approach this trip. I am just in awe of God's timing in all of this and His perfect provision. When the doctor called the c-section I was so upset because I knew it would change so many things regarding our travel to Haiti and my ability to physically pick the boys up. I didn't even think about how the blessings could pour over us in this situation. So many friends have just rallied around us over the last few weeks. We have not had to cook a meal in quite some time and we have a freezer full of more meals. We have had so many offers of help extended our way (and don't worry - we will take you all up on them at some point!). There have been so many gifts for all three boys. We are so thankful for our friend, Terri, who is coming with us to care for Tristan. She is just an amazing person and we are honored to have her as a friend. If I've learned anything in the last few weeks, it's that God will take care of everything.
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I want to end this post with my most sincere thanks to so many people. Thank you to everyone who have left us comments in the last few weeks. Your excitement and encouragement mean so much to us. I thank all the people who have cooked us meals and brought us gifts. I thank all the seasoned moms who have talked to me about mom stuff. I thank Chuck for being such an awesome and involved Daddy and a wonderful husband. I thank God for loving us so much and touching our lives so beautifully through so many people. I am humbled.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Pray For Haiti
There is a hurricane approaching Haiti that should hit this afternoon. Please pray for the safety of the people there.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Our Flights Are Booked!!
Yes, that is right! Our flights are booked. Our boys will arrive here locally on Tuesday, September 2 at 9:20 p.m.
I can't believe we now have a date and time that they will be here!
Chuck, Tristan, our dear friend Terri, and I will all fly to Miami on September 1st. The following morning Chuck and I will fly to Haiti to pick up the boys while Terri and Tristan hang out at Miami International Airport. Then, once we get back from Haiti, we will all fly home together.
It's a dream come true! God is so good and faithful!
We belong to a great adoption support group that's made it a tradition to greet families at the airport when they come home. If you live here locally, you are welcome to join us there, too. If you want more detailed flight information for our arrival, please email me at julicason@yahoo.com.
Just a little while longer and our family will be complete!
I can't believe we now have a date and time that they will be here!
Chuck, Tristan, our dear friend Terri, and I will all fly to Miami on September 1st. The following morning Chuck and I will fly to Haiti to pick up the boys while Terri and Tristan hang out at Miami International Airport. Then, once we get back from Haiti, we will all fly home together.
It's a dream come true! God is so good and faithful!
We belong to a great adoption support group that's made it a tradition to greet families at the airport when they come home. If you live here locally, you are welcome to join us there, too. If you want more detailed flight information for our arrival, please email me at julicason@yahoo.com.
Just a little while longer and our family will be complete!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
We Are Home
We made it home this afternoon and we are getting settled in.
Tristan is doing great with breastfeeding. I feel so very blessed about that.
I'm still pretty sore, but on the mend. I've been told it will take a week to really start feeling better.
Tristan is asleep in his crib right now. Gosh, for months I've stared at that empty crib trying to picture my baby in it and he is here now. God is so good.
I'll try to post more pictures soon.
Tristan is doing great with breastfeeding. I feel so very blessed about that.
I'm still pretty sore, but on the mend. I've been told it will take a week to really start feeling better.
Tristan is asleep in his crib right now. Gosh, for months I've stared at that empty crib trying to picture my baby in it and he is here now. God is so good.
I'll try to post more pictures soon.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Random Thoughts This Morning
It's hard to get my thoughts gathered right now, so I'll just bullet list some things swimming in my head right now.
- I am LOVING being a mommy to this little guy.
- I was so looking forward to delivering Tristan so that I could get some mobility back. Um, that's not happening so far. C-sections make minor movements a challenge.
- I'm getting better just about every hour it seems.
- When I can do it without sobbing, I will blog about my birth experience.
- Sobbing makes might belly hurt bad. So does coughing.
- Percocet is my friend. So are vicodin and toradol, but percocet is my best c-section friend.
- The little pillow they gave me is also a good friend.
- Tristan is doing a great job with breastfeeding.
- Chuck is an awesome daddy. The nursery nurses couldn't get over how over the moon he was to be a daddy to this little one.
- Tristan is known as the loudest baby in the nursery - possibly ever. He's got good lungs and knows how to use them, however he isn't a "fussy" baby; just knows what he wants and doesn't like.
- Chuck was wonderful last night. He let me sleep for 2 1/2 straight hours when Tristan decided it was awake time after his 3 a.m. feeding.
- 2 1/2 hours is a long time to sleep. I never thought I'd say that. It was actually refreshing.
That's all for know. I'll share more as more happens and as my thoughts become more cohesive. Thank you, all, for you encouraging comments, love, and prayers over the last little while. It has meant so much to be so loved by you all.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Tristan is Here
I'm really sorry I didn't post this here sooner, but Tristan is finally here!Here's what I posted on our other blog: http://cason-adoption.blogspot.com/Hi Everyone, Tristan is here! He was born by c-section late this afternoon. The little guy managed to tie a knot in his umbilical cord, so when I pushed his heart rate would drop. That's why the c-section happened. Anyway, he's 8lbs, 9oz, 21 inches long. He is doing great and so am I. I know you want pictures, and I promise we will post some, but it may not be tonight. I know, such slackers we are. In the words of Chuck, "We are totally stoked!"
Friday, August 15, 2008
Tristan is Here!
Hi Everyone,
Tristan is here! He was born by c-section late this afternoon. The little guy managed to tie a knot in his umbilical cord, so when I pushed his heart rate would drop. That's why the c-section happened.
Anyway, he's 8lbs, 9oz, 21 inches long. He is doing great and so am I.
I know you want pictures, and I promise we will post some, but it may not be tonight. I know, such slackers we are.
In the words of Chuck, "We are totally stoked!"
Tristan is here! He was born by c-section late this afternoon. The little guy managed to tie a knot in his umbilical cord, so when I pushed his heart rate would drop. That's why the c-section happened.
Anyway, he's 8lbs, 9oz, 21 inches long. He is doing great and so am I.
I know you want pictures, and I promise we will post some, but it may not be tonight. I know, such slackers we are.
In the words of Chuck, "We are totally stoked!"
Thursday, August 14, 2008
A Little Something Else Going On...
Well, as some of you know, we have a little something else going on in our lives right now.
Now that our boys have their visas, we are comfortable sharing some other news:
We are expecting a baby!
8 days ago!!
That's right, I'm currently 8 days overdue with another son, Tristan Elliott.
In fact, I'm writing this post from the hospital. I came in this evening to be prepared for an induction in the morning, however I appear to be in labor on my own.
God's timing in this is hilarious and, truly, only He could have orchestrated it like this.
So, once we have this baby we will be able to complete our travel plans to go and get Noah and Samuel in Haiti.
We ask for your prayers for a safe delivery, and specifically that I don't need to have a c-section.
Of course we will update the blog when Tristan arrives.
Thanks for all the love, support, encouragement, and prayers!
Now that our boys have their visas, we are comfortable sharing some other news:
We are expecting a baby!
8 days ago!!
That's right, I'm currently 8 days overdue with another son, Tristan Elliott.
In fact, I'm writing this post from the hospital. I came in this evening to be prepared for an induction in the morning, however I appear to be in labor on my own.
God's timing in this is hilarious and, truly, only He could have orchestrated it like this.
So, once we have this baby we will be able to complete our travel plans to go and get Noah and Samuel in Haiti.
We ask for your prayers for a safe delivery, and specifically that I don't need to have a c-section.
Of course we will update the blog when Tristan arrives.
Thanks for all the love, support, encouragement, and prayers!
At the Hospital
Well, I'm here at the hospital. We arrived to check in at 4:00. The doctor got things started at about 5:00 and at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow morning they will start the pitocin.By 4:30 they had me hooked up and guess what - I'm having contractions. What an answer to prayer. At first I didn't really notice them much, but I sure do now. They are about every 3-4 minutes and rather strong if you ask me.So, your prayers would be much appreciated. I keep hearing that this is a big baby. Please pray specifically that I don't need to have a c-section.Thanks!My next post should be introducing our baby!
Getting Induced
Well, we went to the Dr. The baby is still good. I had some contractions, but nothing major.Our options for induction (which we had to schedule) were to either go to the hospital tonight to be induced in the morning or go Sunday night for Monday morning. My favorite Dr. is on call this week through Sunday. My not favorite Dr. would be on call Monday. Easy choice. Especially since I'd be nearly 42 weeks on Monday.I'm not thrilled about this, but I am relieved that there is some light at the end of the neverending pregnancy tunnel.Please pray with us that this goes well. Please pray especially that I don't end up with a c-section.Thanks!
This Morning
In an hour I have another appointment with my Dr. They promised me a long time ago that once I hit 41 weeks we will have to talk about an induction. So, I'm expecting we will be asked to schedule an induction. I'm kind of ready to just get it over with, yet really bummed that I haven't gone into labor on my own. I'm armed with a zillion questions regarding how they do inductions (they gave me a handout on Monday explaining how they do them) and my own modified induction plan that I'm going to ask for.I'll post about how it goes when I get home.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
THEY ARE READY TO COME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just got word that Noah and Samuel have visas and ARE READY TO COME HOME!!
Oh my gosh, I thought the day would never come.
Praise God!!!
We have some details to work out for travel. Please pray with us as we work on this.
OH MY GOSH!!
Oh my gosh, I thought the day would never come.
Praise God!!!
We have some details to work out for travel. Please pray with us as we work on this.
OH MY GOSH!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
It Went Well!!
We finally got the email telling us things went well this morning! Visas should be printed tomorrow. Once they have the visas we will book our flights.
Please join us in praying for the printing of the visas. Anything can happen, this is Haiti afterall.
Thank God!!
Please join us in praying for the printing of the visas. Anything can happen, this is Haiti afterall.
Thank God!!
Just a Little While Now
Well, in about an hour and a half our visa appointment should take place. I got an email late last night telling me that everything was in order for that appointment to happen. This is Haiti, though, so I'm praying that they make it to the appointment without any problems. Someone posted a comment on my last post stating that the visa printer is fixed, thank God! So that obstacle should be out of the way.
Our adoption coordinator told me she'd let me know as soon as she hears anything. Communication from Haiti isn't always good, so if I don't hear anything (or don't post), it doesn't necessarily mean things didn't go well, just that I haven't heard yet. I'm praying, of course, that I get word right away.
Okay, I'm off to spend some time with God. It's a beautiful day here - not even 70 yet and there's almost no humidity - this is a rare summer treat in Virginia and I plan to take full advantage of it on my screened porch.
Our adoption coordinator told me she'd let me know as soon as she hears anything. Communication from Haiti isn't always good, so if I don't hear anything (or don't post), it doesn't necessarily mean things didn't go well, just that I haven't heard yet. I'm praying, of course, that I get word right away.
Okay, I'm off to spend some time with God. It's a beautiful day here - not even 70 yet and there's almost no humidity - this is a rare summer treat in Virginia and I plan to take full advantage of it on my screened porch.
Slept Like a Baby...
...so obviously the cramps didn't last or turn into contractions.I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever have this baby.I'm grumpy and frustrated. Not a good way to start the day.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Before Bed...
I'm having some strong cramping; hoping it turns into contractions. I'll update in the morning.Goodnight!
Appointment Update
Went to the Dr.More of the same.1 cm dilated. 70% effaced. Baby is still kind of high.I lost my mucus plug today.I go back on Thursday unless I go into labor or we want to induce sooner.Induction is beginning to look more enticing with our kids in Haiti being so close to coming home.Pray for us as we try to decide what to do.Thanks.
More of the Same
Sorry to excite anyone by forgetting to post last night, but I'm still very much pregnant.We go to the doctor at 2:15 today. Dear God, let us hear I've made some progress toward delivery!I'm sure we'll get the induction talk again. We are praying about how to handle that. Please pray that God would speak to us clearly about how to move forward.Thanks.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow...
...I love ya, tomorrow!
That's right - tomorrow is the boys' visa appointment. It's at 9 a.m. Haiti time, which is 10 a.m. our time (here on the east coast). Please join us in praying that the appointment goes well and that the visas are issued tomorrow.
I've heard from someone who was just in Haiti last week that the printer that prints the visas was broken and needed a part shipped in from the US. Please join me in praying that this has been resolved.
I, of course, will be on my toes all day tomorrow waiting for word from Haiti about the appointment.
That's right - tomorrow is the boys' visa appointment. It's at 9 a.m. Haiti time, which is 10 a.m. our time (here on the east coast). Please join us in praying that the appointment goes well and that the visas are issued tomorrow.
I've heard from someone who was just in Haiti last week that the printer that prints the visas was broken and needed a part shipped in from the US. Please join me in praying that this has been resolved.
I, of course, will be on my toes all day tomorrow waiting for word from Haiti about the appointment.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Nothing
Just an update - nothing has changed. No contractions. No baby yet. I'm just as bummed as you are.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Wednesday Update
I went to the Dr this morning. Here's what we learned:
The baby is lower, but still needs to descend more.
I'm now a full centimeter dilated. Woohoo! 1 down, 9 to go.
My cervix remains soft.
They monitored both me and the baby. The baby has a great heartrate and stayed nice and active as I ate peanut butter crackers and drank a coke. I had not. a. single. contraction. We need contractions, folks, if we are going to have a baby.
They want me to come back Monday.
It is my hope that we have this baby on Friday (well, I'd be okay with today or tomorrow, too!) because then he will have a very cool birthdate 8/8/08. If we have him tomorrow, that would be on my grandmother's birthday. The twins were born on Chuck's grandmother's birthday. That would be neat too. If he is born today, well, nothing special has happened in the past that I know of, but I'd be happy to have him today!
The baby is lower, but still needs to descend more.
I'm now a full centimeter dilated. Woohoo! 1 down, 9 to go.
My cervix remains soft.
They monitored both me and the baby. The baby has a great heartrate and stayed nice and active as I ate peanut butter crackers and drank a coke. I had not. a. single. contraction. We need contractions, folks, if we are going to have a baby.
They want me to come back Monday.
It is my hope that we have this baby on Friday (well, I'd be okay with today or tomorrow, too!) because then he will have a very cool birthdate 8/8/08. If we have him tomorrow, that would be on my grandmother's birthday. The twins were born on Chuck's grandmother's birthday. That would be neat too. If he is born today, well, nothing special has happened in the past that I know of, but I'd be happy to have him today!
Please Pray for My Friend
Update:
Courtney and Asher went home yesterday. They were expecting Asher to spend 5-7 days in the NICU, but obviously God was at work. Thanks to everyone who prayed for my dear friend!
Courtney and her new baby, Asher, over at Storing Up Treasures in Heaven need your prayers. Asher was born by emergency c-section very early yesterday and is now in the NICU with breathing issues. Please stop for a moment and pray for his healing. Thanks!
Courtney is an adoption friend of mine. We spent a week together in Haiti last year. She is an incredible woman. In fact, her whole family is just great.
Courtney and Asher went home yesterday. They were expecting Asher to spend 5-7 days in the NICU, but obviously God was at work. Thanks to everyone who prayed for my dear friend!
Courtney and her new baby, Asher, over at Storing Up Treasures in Heaven need your prayers. Asher was born by emergency c-section very early yesterday and is now in the NICU with breathing issues. Please stop for a moment and pray for his healing. Thanks!
Courtney is an adoption friend of mine. We spent a week together in Haiti last year. She is an incredible woman. In fact, her whole family is just great.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
IT CAME!!!!
I woke up this morning and immediately checked my email. I was so bummed because the email was not there.
But, a half an hour later there was a new message in my inbox and it was THE EMAIL!!
Our visa appointment is next Tuesday at 9:00 a.m.
OH MY GOSH!!!! It is real. They are coming home!
In case you're wondering, we aren't going to travel until the visas are in hand.
But, a half an hour later there was a new message in my inbox and it was THE EMAIL!!
Our visa appointment is next Tuesday at 9:00 a.m.
OH MY GOSH!!!! It is real. They are coming home!
In case you're wondering, we aren't going to travel until the visas are in hand.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Monday Update
I just spoke with someone in Haiti and we discussed a date for the visa appointment.
She is going to email me to confirm it, so I'm not going to jump up and down until I have that email, but folks - this could be it!!
Please join me in praying for that email confirmation.
God is good!
Late Update:
Well, it's after business hours in Haiti and I haven't received an email. Yes, I'm bummed, but not surprised. Adoption is a spiritual battle no doubt. I will keep my eyes focused on Jesus and look forward to what tomorrow brings. I will, of course, call Haiti by midday if I haven't received the email. Please keep praying. God hears us.
Update:
Well, it's three hours later and I haven't received the email. I'm still hopeful, though. Please continue praying with us that this appointment gets scheduled.
I forgot to mention earlier how the phone call took place. I was actually calling the Embassy to try to learn what time I'm allowed to call. They ended up putting me through to the right department. I couldn't believe it. I was really just trying to learn when I could call. When I hung up the phone I was just shocked that I had actually spoken to the person I needed to speak to and she was so very helpful.
I'll of course update when I get the email. Notice I said when, not if!
She is going to email me to confirm it, so I'm not going to jump up and down until I have that email, but folks - this could be it!!
Please join me in praying for that email confirmation.
God is good!
Late Update:
Well, it's after business hours in Haiti and I haven't received an email. Yes, I'm bummed, but not surprised. Adoption is a spiritual battle no doubt. I will keep my eyes focused on Jesus and look forward to what tomorrow brings. I will, of course, call Haiti by midday if I haven't received the email. Please keep praying. God hears us.
Update:
Well, it's three hours later and I haven't received the email. I'm still hopeful, though. Please continue praying with us that this appointment gets scheduled.
I forgot to mention earlier how the phone call took place. I was actually calling the Embassy to try to learn what time I'm allowed to call. They ended up putting me through to the right department. I couldn't believe it. I was really just trying to learn when I could call. When I hung up the phone I was just shocked that I had actually spoken to the person I needed to speak to and she was so very helpful.
I'll of course update when I get the email. Notice I said when, not if!
Monday - Prayers Please
Well, it's been a week of waiting to hear something through email, so today I will call Haiti. I did call already, and I've learned I need to call between 2:30 - 3:30 my time (I think. If someone reading knows for sure the hours I can call between, please leave me a comment.).
Please pray that I can get through and that I can get the ball rolling on scheduling our visa appointment.
I'll post how it goes this afternoon.
Thanks!
Please pray that I can get through and that I can get the ball rolling on scheduling our visa appointment.
I'll post how it goes this afternoon.
Thanks!
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Friday's Appointment
Friday's appointment went well as far as the baby goes. His heartrate was great and he seems to be the correct position for delivery. My body, however, doesn't seem to be ready yet.I didn't dilate anymore, but my cervix did get softer.I expected to be bullied about induction, but I wasn't. The nurse practitioner said, "Your chart says you don't want to be induced until you're overdue." I said, "Yup, that's right." And she said, "Okay." End of any talk of induction. Yay.I go back on Wednesday, which is when I hit 40 weeks. They want to put me on the monitor for a while to check and see how the baby is doing. They will also check my cervix again.Please pray with me that my body will go into labor on it's own. I'm in excruciating pain when I walk around. Just getting up and moving around in my house is painful. We are also on "any day now" status with our adoption and it would be very helpful if this baby would come so we could be more focused on the homecoming of our twins in Haiti. Thanks.
Friday
Still nothing. God's timing is perfect, right? Patience is a virtue. So is persistence and that is what I am. At least I can take a break from madly checking my email...
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