Adventures in Chaos

Milestone

2011-06-13T19:13:00.006-04:00

Saturday we crossed a unique parenting milestone. Tristan was the exact same age, in months and days, as the twins were when they came home from Haiti (34 months).

When the twins came home, Tristan was three weeks old. We were brand new parents, so the heaviness of all that we had missed with the twins was there, but we had no experience to back it. We just knew we had missed nearly every day of their lives up until that point.

And on Saturday, I looked at Tristan and thought about how I just know him inside and out and how I barely knew Noah and Samuel at that same age. I didn't know their most ticklish spots yet. I didn't know what they were afraid of (quickly learned that was just about everything...). I didn't know how they slept at night or what they liked to eat or what their favorite color was. Nothing. I knew nothing. I didn't even know if they were potty trained.

Adoption is a beautiful, wonderful, horrible, thing all wrapped into one. When I look at Tristan, I just can't imagine not knowing every little quirk about him. But that's the truth about Noah and Samuel. I'm not terrified of Tristan (well, not most of the time...) like I was of Noah and Samuel. It's just such a huge thing to wrap my mind around, and yet we lived it and continue to live it.

We've gotten to know Noah and Samuel intimately. We know their quirks, their fears, their favorites and their dislikes. Samuel HATES bananas. I love that I know that! But there are still questions... like why does one of them lie all.the.time? What brought that on and how do we best help him? What are the scars from at Samuel's forehead hairline? Who was born first? And on and on.

To be honest, I was very careful about how I publicly gushed over my newborn. While I was very excited to have all three of my little boys come exactly when they did, I questioned God on why He would allow a newborn to take some of the spotlight off of our sons' homecoming. And I was so worried that people would think I loved my bio son more if I gushed about him. So I kept quiet.

I will tell you that as hard as it was to have all three kids come at once, I absolutely adored being a mother to a newborn. Being handed that perfect baby straight from God was one of the most awesome things I've ever experienced. So was being handed my twin sons in a sweaty, scabie infested orphanage at 8 months old! But I was afraid to gush for fear of being judged.

And my gosh, have we experienced our fair share of judgement! If ever you want to be judged harshly, just have kids. It has brought on more judgement than I ever encounted during my party years of college (when I deserved to be judged harshly).

This has turned into a bit of a ramble, so I will bring this to a close. I really just wanted to document this milestone within our family. Celebrate it, mourn it. It is what it is and I continue to put my trust in God and His perfect timing.

Marriage Statistics

2011-04-27T23:05:00.002-04:00

Whether you're married or not, you've probably heard the statistic that 50% of marriages fail. And I've heard in the past that the statistic for Christian marriages is slightly higher.

So, why is this?

I don't think I have the answer to this question, rather I have more questions.

I'll begin with the people who throw this statistic out. I've heard this stat over and over from pastors, counselors, marriage seminars and "helpful" people. And usually I don't hear much of a solution proposed with the stat. Or, if there is a solution offered, it is often a pat answer like, "respect your spouse." Or, "Marriage is tough. You have to work hard." But, what exactly needs to be worked on?

A lot of things!

If 50% of marriages fail, than at least 50% of people heading into marriage today have not had a good example of what a successful marriage looks like. If a person enters marriage carrying baggage from their childhood or a previous marriage, that is going to cause problems. Because I have adopted children, I think of the trauma that so many kids experience. And if that's not worked through, that's brought into marriage. Self esteem issues, addictions, health issues, and on and on. "Working hard" for some couples is a lot more work than for others.

One can spend a lifetime working through issues of the past. If there is not healing, it will effect the marriage. And when you have someone unwilling to work through past issues, there is often resentment from the other spouse. And just how do you work through issues?

For me, there has been tons of counseling, 12 step programs, behavioral classes, Bible studies, accountability partners and much prayer. And I'm still messed up! So, what's the answer? How do Chuck and I keep from becoming a statistic?

The answer I've come to: Run to Jesus. Run after Him and seek to be like Him. In my opinion and experience, it's the only real answer that will work. Jesus is completely capable of healing people... He has a good track record. I'm not saying that you need to go to church and get healed. My experience is that I need to be in a daily relationship with Jesus, seeking Him daily through prayer and study, and following the guidance I receive. For me that has meant a whole lot of outside help through the various mediums I listed above. There are so many resources out there, all saying different things, many contradicting one another. If I'm following after Jesus and seeking His guidance, I find that I'm led to the resource or person that I need in that season.

So, I hope that it doesn't seem like "Run to Jesus" is just another pat answer for how to have a successful marriage. It's so much more than religion or going to church. I have found that true healing and behavior change in my life has been the result of seeking Jesus... seeking to be more and more like Him and accepting the guidance I receive from Him and being willing to do what I need to do to find healing.

Marriage IS tough. But we don't have to be another failed statistic. If two people are willing to do whatever it takes to work things out, healing and restoration is possible. Believe me, I know.

Perception and Grace

2011-03-25T23:34:00.003-04:00

Something that's been on my mind for the last few months has been perception. I've realized that what I think about a person, overall, is usually based on very limited knowledge. Of course, there are some people in my life who I know very well and I spend a great deal of time with them, so this doesn't apply to that type of relationship. I'm talking more about acquaintance-type people.

I'll give an example. There's a couple I knew who were going through a really rough time. They had kids and were basically sticking it out for the kids' sake. So, I've perceived this couple in that light because I didn't know anything beyond that. What I've learned is that they have a beautiful marriage today. They are some of the most in-love people I know. But, up until recently I thought they were really rough.

And unfortunately, for me, these types of perceptions sometimes keep me from recognizing who a person truly is today. I don't give them a chance, in my head, to do or be something different. I sometimes base what I know about a person off of knowledge from years past or a single event. How can I know who they are today?

So, that very sick person who hurt me 5 years ago... can I judge them? Do I really know who they are anymore? Should I warn others to keep their distance?

Something beautiful about life is that there's opportunity for healing. The healing I've experienced in my own life through the work of Jesus is a-ma-zing. Don't get me wrong... I still mess up and I still hurt people and I certainly don't have it all together. But... who I was 12+ years ago is not who I am today. And I'm sure there are people out there who knew me back then and have no idea who I am today and judge me based on what they know. That used to haunt me. It used to really matter that there might be people who think that's still who I am. And thankfully, God has removed that concern from my heart.

So, what God's been showing me is that there are people in my life who I have opinions about based on old information. I have no idea who they are today or what they are doing. So, I need to let go of that old hurt and be optimistic about who God is helping them become. How liberating is that? I've been HURT, if you know what I mean. But to embrace this new idea lends forgiveness that I've never been able to feel (I've decided to forgive in the past, but haven't felt it).

The coolest thing about God is His amazing grace. It is unfathomable. And because God has shown me this new light in which to view people, I'm able to extend grace to people and situations that have been humanely impossible for me in the past.

This goes the other way, too. You see, people disappoint. Just recently, someone I held in high regard showed themself to be selfish and self centered (just like me!). And at first I was really shocked. But now that I've had some time for the feelings to settle, I realize that this person is just being a human. And today I choose not to view this person by just the most recent information I've gained. I will allow this person to be one of God's kids, on a journey toward healing and becoming more like Him.

I truly feel like a weight has been lifted from my heart. Like I'm able to love better because of it. I am once again humbled by who God is and how He works in my life.

Thankful

2011-02-02T22:48:00.002-05:00

I've really been blown away by the support and encouragement I've received as a result of my last post. Thankfully, I've not received any negative feedback.

To know that people care about us, truly care about us, and are actively praying for us is humbling. Putting it all out there didn't come easily for me, but I'm glad I did.

Chuck and I are continuing with counseling and that is showing promise in it's effect on our marriage. We are both putting forth an effort... at the same time... and we are hopeful.

I'm doing Beth Moore's Revelation Bible Study and it is awesome. God is drawing me close and I'm not pulling away. My desire to spend time in the Word is returning and I feel like I've been given new eyes when it comes to some passages I've been reading. God is good!

I went to my first MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) meeting this week. I felt awkward during the social and craft times, but the speakers were a couple who've been married for 40 years and they shared about what keeps them going. Rather timely, huh?

In other news... we are buying a house! That means another move (ugh), but it also means that we will be able to settle into something that is our own. You can buy for cheaper than you can rent here, and we're not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, so we are taking the plunge. We will be 6 blocks from my sister, on the same street, and 8 blocks from my mom and step dad. The house is zoned for the school the twins go to (our current house is not), so they will attend the same school next year regardless of what type of classroom they end up in (we are thinking that they will probably repeat Kindergarten, but in a regular K classroom as opposed to the special eduction class they are currently in). We are actually buying the house from friends of my sister and brother in law, so it won't even go on the market and we won't have any real estate fees :) They have lived there for a little over a year and he is joining the Air Force.

It is really neat the way this has come together. I remember talking to my sister a year and a half ago when she told me her friends from Idaho were moving back and would be just down the street. I remember feeling a twinge of envy because I wanted to be just down the street from my sister. And then, when my sister's friend learned we were moving to MI in August she told Christi, "Wouldn't it be awesome if they bought our house?" Yes, it would be awesome :)

So that's what's going on with us. Again, I so appreciate those of you who have reached out to us. The blog, email, and Facebook notes have meant more than you can imagine.

Raw Ramblings

2011-01-17T20:57:00.003-05:00

I keep telling myself that I need to blog. I feel guilty when I don't. But, the truth is that the words just aren't there.

If you read the posts over the last 2+ years, you know things haven't been easy for the Cason Family. Three kids, two relocations, a career shift for Chuck... the list goes on.

While the kids have thrived through all of that, well us grown ups... not so much.

The last few years have been extremely painful. There's a lot I just can't or won't blog about because I don't want to point fingers or point out the wrongs of others. I try to keep my finger pointing directed at myself and take note of where I'm wrong and how I can clean my side of the street.

I feel like I've become jaded. I put distance between myself and others. I don't get close. I over-analyze things. I prefer to be alone most of the time. My time with God has diminished to nearly nothing. I believe in Him. I trust Him, but there's no hunger to spend time with Him anymore.

My marriage has taken a beating the last few years. Again, no finger pointing or blaming. We are in counseling. We've been given a resource with some new ideas. I pray that we can use some of these ideas to break some old patterns that we've developped. We've struggled over the years, but never like this. It is hard not to feel hopeless. There's a big part of me that doesn't want to put that out there. It's embarrassing. I know there are a few people who read this blog who might like to see our marriage fail. But, I've learned that honesty... gut level honesty... is the only way to move ahead. I know that God is absolutely capable of redeeming our marriage. If you'd pray that for us, I'd be so grateful.

So, if I don't blog often please realize that we are going through some things. If, upon reading this, you feel the need to judge me or offer advice or leave an anonymous rude comment... go for it. We've experienced all that and more over the last few years.

I'm not sure many people read this blog anymore. I know that I tend to move away from blogs that don't post often. So many people supported and encouraged us through our adoption process and cheered with us as our children finally arrived. I feel like you all deserve to know a little of what's going on in our lives now. I just don't have much energy to blog anymore, but I just don't feel like shutting down the blog is the right thing to do.

It's my prayer that we'll come out of this on the other side, stronger and with a faith that moves mountains. Thanks for journeying with us this long.

Juli

FIVE!

2010-11-08T22:51:00.002-05:00

It's so hard for me to believe that Noah and Samuel will be five tomorrow. With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is easy for me to go a while without quietly sitting and thinking of how far we've all come. Not too long ago we were sent an email asking if we'd be interested in 10 week old twin boys. And now they are five??!! How can that be??

The wait to bring Noah and Samuel home was agonizing. There were times I thought I would truly lose my mind (and if you ask Chuck, he'll probably tell you that I did lose it!). It's true... once you have them home all that pain of waiting evaporates, though I will never forget it. For us, we were so dang busy with newly adopted twins and a newborn that we couldn't really see straight, let alone think straight. For about the first 18 months of being parents we operated in complete survival mode. I was on high alert for a loooong time. Plus, we went through so many changes in that timeframe. It seems like we are just now settling in as a family. And that is SO nice.

Noah and Samuel are Kindergarteners this year. Michigan has a really late cutoff date for school, so the boys were eligible for Kindergarten this year. I would have kept them home if it weren't for the program that they are in. They are currently in an early childhood developmentally delayed Kindergarten class. The goal is to ready them for 1st grade, but if that doesn't happen, they will repeat regular Kindergarten. If Noah and Samuel weren't so tall for their age, I wouldn't think twice about just having them do Kindergarten next year. But, they are the biggest kids in their class and I don't expect that will change. I want them to have confidence in school, and I'm concerned that they will be WAY bigger than all their classmates if we hold them back a year. That may very well happen if they aren't ready for 1st grade, we will see.

Both boys continue to blossom... and grow! They were in size 6 clothing long before turning five and I'm now buying size 7 shirts so that they still fit in the spring. Michigan has these wonderful sales called Mom to Mom sales. I would be so broke clothing these kids if it weren't for those sales! I think I've only ever bought two pairs of jeans brand new. The rest have been given to us or I've picked them up at Mom to Mom sales. These sales are such a blessing... and it's fun to get out and bargain hunt with my sister!

Noah is such a social little guy. Often he will hang out and chat with the adults rather than play with other kids. He just wants to be where the talking is :) His language and ability to express himself continues to amaze us. If he doesn't understand something, he asks what we mean. It's hard to believe we once could barely communicate with him! Unfortunately his robust personality gets him in trouble sometimes at school. We have our work cut out in that department! Both boys LOVE books. They love going to the library at school each week and picking a book out. And I enjoy buying them books through Scholastic each month. I hope they grow to love reading like I did.

Samuel is such a neat kid. He's not at all social like Noah. He does like to play with other kids, but doesn't NEED to be around others like his brother. Samuel does really well with self play and imaginative play. He's always flying something around and telling me what the things are in his hand - his imagination impresses me! Samuel is settling in well at school and has never had any behavior issuses. My mom comes over every school day and works with the boys on their letters. We are so impressed by how far they've come. It's neat to see them identifying letters and writing them!

Both boys are infatuated with Toy Story currently. We saw Toy Story 3 in the theater over the summer (for free!) and they got into it a little bit. Since moving to MI we've busted out the old VHS tapes of 1 & 2 that Chuck's parents so generously gave us. The boys have loved watching those two movies for the last month or so. And tomorrow they will open Toy Story 3! Most of their presents are Toy Story toys. I'm so excited to see their little faces light up tomorrow night!

So, tomorrow at dinnertime we will head to Caesarland, which is like Chuck E Cheese minus the mouse (Noah is terrified of the mouse, and therefore Chuck E Cheese). Just our family is getting together for dinner, cake, and to watch the kids run and play. N & S have only been in school 5 weeks, so it seemed odd to invite their classmates to a party. Next year we will be sure to do a friends party for the boys :)

Noah and Samuel are some amazing little guys. They are almost always kind and loving with Tristan (unfortunately he doesn't reciprocate that well... I guess that's two years old for ya). They rarely fight. Their energy level has definitely picked up and they sure can make some noise. They continue to be good eaters and try new things. They've both recently decided that vegetables are yucky... funny they never said that until they started school! Tonight both boys had seconds of meatloaf... I think Samuel had thirds.

Thank you to all our friends and family and those on the internet who've prayed for these two special little boys. They are such a gift. They may make me crazy most of the time, but I really wouldn't have it any other way!

I'm Baaaaack

2010-10-25T14:10:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been a while!

Back in May I decided to set my blog to private and have no readers so that I could write about some things without worrying about an audience. I never actually wrote anything, though.

Then, in July, as we were getting ready to leave Las Vegas, I wrote one post (see it below).

I'm not sure how often I'll blog, or what exactly I'll blog about, but I've decided to open my blog back up to the public and see how it goes.

I'm Leaving Las Vegas...

2010-07-24T19:37:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been SO excited about something, but just not sure how to share it with others? That's where I'm at right now. Big things are happening for our family and I'm just not sure how to share it. So here it goes.

We are moving to Michigan.

For real, this time.

In less than 4 weeks!

I know, I know. I said the same thing last summer. And I really thought we were going. But God just didn't open doors for us to go. He gave Chuck the vision to go there, but didn't provide the way. So, we came here to Las Vegas to help start Verve Church. And it's been cool. Really cool.

In June, Chuck had to go away for 5 weeks for police academy for his new job and it was during that time that he was away that I realized just how hard it is raising kids away from family. Chuck and I have lived far from family all of our marriage, but adding kids to that mix and then a job that requires travel for training, well... it made me rethink being away from family. I realized how important it is to me for my kids to be loved, not just by us, but by the people in our lives. And no one loves a kid like a grandparent (and sometimes and aunt!).

At the same time my thoughts were focusing on this, Chuck was appointed as a co-class leader at police academy. The other leader was a guy from MI. They became fast friends and Chuck learned of an opening in Ann Arbor, MI. In fact, he texted me about it and I didn't even respond because at that time I had no desire to move. I've known all along that Las Vegas isn't our "home," but I also wasn't ready to pack up and move.

Two days after Chuck came home from police academy I had a moment where I realized that I wanted to go home. And home, I realized, was Michigan. Chuck came home from police academy with a realized desire to live in close-knit community with others. And we just don't have that here. We have plenty of friends and people who care about us, but we aren't living out the kind of community that we desire and feel that God wants for us.

So, I told Chuck what I was thinking, expecting him to say no way, but he was excited. If you know Chuck, you know that he would be excited to move to Hawaii or Southern California, not Michigan. He quickly applied for the position in Ann Arbor.

If we learned anything when Chuck first started working for Veteran's Affairs, we learned that they don't move quickly. Chuck applied for that position fully expecting it to take at least 6 months to be transferred if they hired him. Well, his application was in on Tuesday and by Wednesday he had a verbal offer for the job, without an interview! Amazing. Not only that, but the pay is much better and there is lots of opportunity for overtime (and we have some debt that we'd love to start putting a dent in).

The next day I called a friend in Michigan and told her about what was going on. Her first question was if we needed a place to live because her mom owns the house next door and would we like to live there? Crazy! That house is 2 miles from where my family lives.

Things have just fallen into place with all of this. The owner of the house we are renting has agreed to break our lease with very reasonable terms. We are able to pack our stuff and ship it for right around the same price as renting and fueling a U-Haul. We actually have the money on hand to finance our relocation. Things are just going really smoothly with almost no effort on our part. I think about last year and how hard we were fighting to get to Michigan and this year it all just literally falls in our lap.

So, we are planning to leave Las Vegas on August 20th. My mom and sister had a trip planned to visit before we decided to move, so they will be here the 13th-17th, so I'll have plenty of help with packing! Plus, my mom is using her timeshare here, so we'll have a place to stay while our house is in the last stages of being packed up.

I took the trash out yesterday morning and found 15 broken down boxes at the curb and a dear friend brought me a bunch yesterday and works in an office where they get lots of boxes daily. I've been watching Craig's List and I fully expect to have our needs met for boxes and packing paper. We'll see if God can throw in some packing tape, too!

There are a few things I want to mention because there is such evidence of God's work in my heart. Last year my biggest fear about moving to Michigan was that I'd be close to family. You see, we are kind of dysfunctional (who's not these days?) and living far away keeps us out of and from creating drama. This year the biggest draw for moving to Michigan is my family. Only God could change my heart like that.

Last year I was terrified of moving. Even packing overwhelmed me. This year I'm fully aware that I have a lot of work to do, but I'm just so EXCITED. I know I have awful roads and cold weather and dreaded SNOW to look forward too, but I'm really just excited that God has pulled this together for us.

I want to add that most people I know who are moving away from Las Vegas do so because they hate it here. I have absolutely loved it here. Yes, it is hot, but it is NOT humid. It really makes all the difference. It is beautiful. Yes, we have very few trees or greenery, but we are surrounded by beautiful mountains. I even like the desert landscape (which is basically rocks!). I love the neon lights and the 24-hour everything. I love the diversity here. Traffic is the best I've experienced in years. My water bills have never been more than $20 a month (we won't talk about the electric bills...). I've really enjoyed Las Vegas. I don't hate it here. I've made some really awesome friends, too.

Finally, I'll talk about church planting. Last year Chuck sensed God calling him to plant a church outside of Detroit and as he pursued that, the doors began slamming shut. We are not going to Michigan with a plan to start a church. If God clarifies that vision from last year, we will pursue it. We are really looking forward to joining a church (we have one in mind) and serving within our giftedness. What happens from there is completely up to God.

So, there you have it: our news. While we are sad to leave Las Vegas, we are very much looking forward to what Michigan has in store for us.

Going Private

2010-05-30T03:16:00.000-04:00

I've decided to set my blog to private for a while.

There are some things I want to write about that I'm not ready to share with the world wide web. I process things best through writing, so I'm going to use my blog to do that for a while privately.

I won't be adding anyone to read posts while the blog is private... so take no offense when I don't approve you.

Thanks for understanding.

Juli

Simple Pleasures

2010-05-02T00:59:00.000-04:00

Today I was thinking about just how much more enjoyable parenting is when everyone speaks the same language. I realize the boys have grown a lot from when they first came home (just 2 months shy of their 3rd birthday), but having communication just makes life easier and better.

Noah is our off-the-charts extrovert, so his acquisition of language has come quickly because he needs to communicate. He also says just about everything he is thinking. If he's excited about something, he's going to share it with you. This morning he was thrilled about the ability to dip his waffle into a puddle of syrup on his plate. The waffle already had syrup on it, but he was just so excited to be able to add more from the excess on his plate. A little over a year ago he couldn't have communicated that. And 20 months ago, he didn't know what a waffle or syrup were.

And there are so many simple pleasures that Noah and Samuel enjoy... and it brings me pleasure seeing them enjoy them. Samuel loves to have a toy (or two) in his pocket - at ALL times. He doesn't necessarily play with it or even hold it... just a little something to have with him. Often it's a long lego or a part to a toy. If it's in his hand, he is probably flying it around because he flies everything around. Everything.

When we read books at bedtime, the boys like to close the book. It's really important to them. And lately they are really into putting their dishes in the sink. Noah gets offended if you flush the toilet for him. They enjoy taking turns turning off the TV or pushing buttons for automatic doors (and yes, we use them, even if I don't have the stroller because the boys love pushing the button). They are both such big helpers and are so proud to be a help.

I can't help but think about all the simple pleasures they didn't have in Haiti. What we consider to be simple pleasures here in the US are things that generally don't exist in Haiti. And post-earthquake Haiti means that life is even harder than before. Unimaginably harder. Tonight, a simple pleasure for a Haitian will be to sleep without getting wet, since so many are sleeping outside of their homes; or they no longer have a home.

It's a fine line for me between indulging my kids and keeping indulgences to a minimum. In the US we tend to need a lot of stuff. The truth is that most of what we need is totally an extravagance to most of the world. I struggle with having nice things. This morning I caught myself "needing" some new shirts. Some new shirts would be nice, but I don't need them.

And so I struggle... wanting my kids to enjoy those simple pleasures, and even not-so-simple pleasures, but also wanting them to have an awareness of what we really need. And honestly, most of these thoughts wouldn't even swirl in my mind if I hadn't visited Haiti. When you see poverty like that, when you get to know real people who live such a different life, when you see the hardship that is met with joy, well... you are changed. And I think it is for the better. It is for me, anyway.

Oh How He Loves Us

2010-04-26T17:47:00.000-04:00

The morning of December 19th Chuck and I were at our storage unit here in Las Vegas. Everything we owned was either in storage or in (or on top of) our van. We were all in the van and Chuck was securing everything on top of the van.

I was terrified. We were officially homeless (well, our home in Chesapeake was still ours but we no longer lived in it), heading to Chuck's brother's house for Christmas. I was exhausted from moving and travel and I was an emotional mess, just barely holding it together.

In that very low moment God saw fit to put this song on the radio. I made myself sing along, my words coming out just as a whisper through the tears. And in that hard moment I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Creator of the Universe loves me.

System Processing...

2010-04-24T13:21:00.000-04:00

That's how I feel most of the time. I hate self checkout lanes at the grocery store. No matter how hard I try, I always end up needing assistance. One particular self checkout I've been to says, "System Processing, Please Hold On." And that's exactly how I feel about life in general.

In the past I've used my blog as a place I process my thoughts. I haven't been doing that lately, mainly for fear of being judged. I know I don't have a lot of readers, but I do know that many readers read because we've adopted.

The last four months have been hard. Really HARD. We lived with friends from the end of December until the end of February. That was humbling. Chuck hasn't had a "real" job since the end of December. Humbling. As of April 1st, he didn't even have a not-for-real job. Scary.

We moved here to Las Vegas to help start a church. Our hope was that Chuck would work for that church with his salary raised through supporters. That didn't come together. Additionally, Chuck applied for numerous jobs. One of them was as a police officer for Veteran's Affairs. He interviewed for that position at the end of January after beginning the application process late last summer. He was given a preliminary offer of a position, but had to go through all kinds of testing and evaluation. He will begin his job on Monday, finally, thank God!

In the last 4 months I've truly learned how to live one day at a time. Thinking about the future was just too scary. It's one thing if you don't have a job and it's just you and your spouse. Quite another thing when you have three children involved, two of which were entrusted to our care because a number of people thought we could give them a good life. And then we don't know how we are going to keep a roof over their heads. I just couldn't share that here because I didn't want Haitian officials to think we weren't able to take care of adopted kids. (And yes, they've been known to read blogs online).

Here's what I've learned: God provides. I know, that sounds too simplistic; too trite. But, it's true. We have truly been provided for. I haven't had to beg. We haven't gone without. Our kids are well fed and have a comfortable home. I was able to fly to MI for my grandmother's funeral last month. I got to meet my new nephew. I could go on and on. It has not been easy. Fear has crept in, heck it has back flipped in. I have felt so much shame because I know of so many adoptive families who are able to give their adopted kids the world, it seems. I know that Satan is at work in those thoughts. Without a doubt, I know we were led by God to adopt Noah and Samuel. There is such peace in knowing that.

I recently had a friend applaud my faith. But, the truth is that I have cried many tears of fear. I have vaccilated between "How has my life turned into this?" and "Wow, what an incredible life I get to live." I have had some serious pity parties. I have been frozen in fear to the point that I haven't known what to do. I have been close to God, but I've also been extremely far from Him.

And I still have so much to process. In less than a month, three family members died, and one of those deaths was quite tragic. I'm still processing that first year with kids. We lived in survival mode for most of that year with many people abandoning us along the way. I still look back on that time frame in shock. It was a lot to walk through, and I honestly don't know how we made it. Well, God is how we made it, but we didn't really have much time to spend with Him. Then there's the last 6 months... we made the decision to come to Las Vegas a little over 6 months ago. We left our home, our friends, and our church of 7 years. We are still grieving. We truly lived life with people in Virginia and we miss them. They became our family. There were a lot of great relationships over those 7 years. We became parents there. We brought our children home there. It was familiar and Las Vegas is not. It's just a lot to process through and I'm not done yet.

And now we are here and the church has started and it's going well. I'm still learning how to balance kids with volunteering. I'm an all-in kind of person, and I feel very limited with the kiddos. I've experienced not being able to keep a commitment because my kids are sick. And I obviously want to be home with my kids when they are sick, but there's that nagging sense of letting others down when I can't show up.

We are still sharing a vehicle, and that's tough. We are hoping to get some inexpensive transportation for Chuck soon and he really wants to get a motorcycle. And that terrifies me. People drive terrible here. Just the other day I surrendered that to God. I have been fighting the motorcycle and I just had to stop fighting. If that's what we end up with I'm going to learn a new lesson in trusting God to keep a loved one safe. And I'm going to learn to ride :)

I feel like I've been holding my breath for a really long time. That is alleviated some by Chuck's new job. Financially, we will be O.K. And I totally realize that in this economy, there's really no such thing as job security. And I feel like writing this post has allowed me to breath a little more too. These thoughts have just been swirling for a while now.

I honestly don't know if Las Vegas is "home." It is for now, but I really don't see us being here for years and years. I don't know... I just have the sense that this isn't the last stop in our journey.

Okay, I've rambled long enough. I will hopefully post some updates from the last few months sometime soon. All three kids continure to amaze us and bring us joy daily.

Still Here

2010-04-04T18:46:00.000-04:00

So much has happened in the last month and I just don't have the energy to blog about it all.

We've experienced good and very hard.

Gains and losses.

One thing I know today... I'm thankful for a risen Savior... because I sure need one.

Your prayers for our family would be appreciated...

Great Friends

2010-03-10T00:15:00.000-05:00

I recently blogged about the hardest part of being away from family. But, what's really cool is that God has provided us with friends that are as good as family.

Last fall we knew our time in Chesapeake, VA was up. I won't dwell on the details of that... but it was painfully clear to us that it was time to move on. We thought we would be moving on to Michigan... but that didn't work out either. I'm a girl that likes a plan. So, when we found ourselves needing to move on, but not knowing where, I was a mess.

In October I came out to Las Vegas with some girlfriends to visit my good friend, Jen. Jen and her husband, Vince, and their two kids, Dawson and Marissa, had moved to Las Vegas in January 2009 to start a church called Verve for people who work on and live around The Strip. I was so proud of them. They had a pretty sweet life in Virginia Beach... and they decided to obey God and start all over in Las Vegas. I almost didn't go on that trip. Money was tight for us. We knew Chuck's job was coming to an end at the end of the year. The plan for moving to Michigan was falling apart over lack of funding. Our house had just been listed with a realtor after having no response trying to sell it For Sale By Owner. I didn't want to leave Chuck for 6 days with three little boys and the possibility of showing the house. The only reason I went on that trip was because Chuck was beginning to think about moving to Las Vegas to help start Verve.

I was opposed to moving to Las Vegas. Not because I don't like Las Vegas; it was moreso because I just felt like it was coming out of left field. We felt called to Michigan, but Michigan wasn't coming together. I thought that meant we should just stay in Virginia... even though I knew our time there was over. In fact, during the month of September Chuck pounded the pavement in search of employment in Virginia. And even though we are in hard economic times, between his experience, his disability rating (which puts him ahead of others for government positions), and the fact that there is an abundance of government work in the area we lived in... Chuck could not find a job. And when he did find jobs, they'd go on hiring freezes. It was just so apparent that we weren't supposed to be there, but I fought that for awhile.

During my visit in October, Jen and I had a heart to heart conversation one afternoon. By that point they had offered for our family to move out to Las Vegas and stay with them while Chuck raised support to work for the church or secured a job (it's almost impossible to get a job in Las Vegas if you don't live here). So, it was on that trip that I sought God's will and cried as I surrendered what I wanted to whatever He wanted. I won't say that I felt called to come here... it was more like God was okay with us coming here.

So, in December we packed up our stuff and stored it in Las Vegas and moved in with our friends. What a humbling experience. I remember telling Jen in October, "I just don't know how we got to this place." I was humbled by our circumstances, but even more humbled by the generosity of our friends. But the most humbling part of it all was how their two kids gave to us. As a family they discussed what would need to happen if our family moved in with theirs. Dawson (10), and Marissa (8), would give up their bedrooms and sleep on a futon in the loft. They were given the option of saying no to that before the offer was extended to us. And you know what? Those kids said yes, they would give up their bedrooms to help us out. They also gave up their bathroom and shared with their parents. I get teary-eyed just typing that. They are some tremendous kids with huge hearts. They were Jesus to our family during a really difficult time and I will never forget that.

Currently Chuck has a job offer as a police officer for Veteran's Affairs. He's jumped through nearly all their hoops to start in his position. He is waiting on his psych evaluation to be completed so that he can move on to the final step, the physical examination. Chuck's been working full time for Verve since the beginning of January and will continue working part time once his full time position begins (we are hoping that is around April 1st). At some point this summer he will need to go to Arkansas for 5 weeks to complete their police academy. I'm hoping some of my family can come visit us during that time (hint hint hint!).

We've been in our own place for almost two weeks now. And it feels wonderful to be in our own space, but we are totally missing our friends. The kids all miss each other. In fact, Dawson and Marissa gave up a pizza dinner the other night so they could come see our kids. They play with them and have such patience and grace with them. My kids might not get to live near their cousins, but God has given them really cool kids to hang out with. It's been hard for me to connect with other women here since I'm usually with the kids. I can't really have much of a conversation while trying to keep them out of harm's way. I'm so thankful for my friendship with Jen and that I already had a friend here when I arrived.

Chuck and I are sharing our van. I'm trying to make the best of being stuck home some days. The old Juli would really dwell on the question of, "When are we going to be able to get another vehicle?" but for the most part I have peace that God's going to take care of that in His perfect timing. Saturday night I went out to get some milk and decided to stop by our mailbox. I hadn't checked our mail since we'd moved in because I didn't get the key for our mailbox until Friday. I drove along sifting through a stack of bills, feeling the pit in my stomach grow. Chuck is making less money than we are used to and I wasn't sure we'd have enough money to pay everything on the 15th and everything was due before the 1st. I opened the last piece of mail and there was an encouraging card from a dear friend. And along with the card was a very generous check to help us with moving expenses. The tears flowed once again and I thanked God (and our friend!) for taking care of us yet again.

These past few months have been quite a valley for me (and how appropriate that we now live in the valley), but God had pointed my attention to the blessing of great friends and his provision. I don't quite feel like I'm on the other side yet, but my heart is at peace.

Twelve Years Ago Today...

2010-03-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

I met Chuck.

I was not looking to meet anyone that night, but God had other plans :)

My, how time flies!

In those twelve years we've:

Lived in 4 states
Moved 8 times
Owned two homes
Had 10 vehicles
Done countless road trips
Had three kids, and lost one
Met God

Chuck, I'm so thankful it's been with YOU that I've done all these things and more. I love you!

"A Captain Princess!"

2010-03-04T19:30:00.001-05:00

In September Noah and Samuel where given a really cool pirate ship toy. It's the hull of a ship - they can fire cannons, drive the ship, and just be pirates. They love it.

It got packed away in late November and it just came back out yesterday. Today's the first time the boys have played pirates in months. They put on their pirate Halloween costumes and have fun.

Samuel also has an obsession with princesses. On the day we packed up our house in Virginia, all three boys spent about 8 hours with Noah and Samuel's best little girl friends, Lilly and Mya. Lilly and Mya are 4 and 3 and have loved our boys since before they came home from Haiti. They still ask about them. (This week their mommy is coming to Las Vegas and I know the boys are going to be so bummed when they see her and learn that her girls aren't here with her.) The day we packed up the house, Samuel was introduced to being a princess. He wore a tiara, had a wand and wore not one, but TWO skirts ALL DAY LONG. He cried his eyes out when I picked him up and he had to take the princess clothes off. Ever since that day he's been very into princesses.

While staying with our friends over the last few months, Samuel watched a few princess videos with Marissa. In particular, he loved the movie about the dancing princesses best.

So, today while playing pirates he was talking about princesses and I wanted to clarify - was he a princess or a captain (the boys talk about who is going to be the captain while playing). Samuel thought about it for a moment and exclaimed, "A captain princess!" Then he danced and twirled away.

Isn't four great - you can be anything you want to be, even a captain princess!

The Hardest Part

2010-03-03T18:41:00.000-05:00

My new nephew, Judah. Is he cute or what?!

I've lived far away from my family for the last 10 years and the hardest part is not being able to be there for special occasions or when I know I could be of help.

In December I had to miss my sister's baby shower because we were moving. On February 12th she gave birth to a beautiful lil guy via c-section. His name is Judah Michael and I can't wait to meet him.

My sister is in that new-mom-not-so-sure stage (while recovering from major surgery), something I know a lot about since I did the new-mom-not-so-sure thing (while recovering from major surgery) with three kids instead of one. I understand how she feels and I just want to be there to encourage her and help her and cook and clean for her.

But I am here. And I can't be there right now because Chuck's schedule is crazy right now. Oh, and flights are insanely priced, too.

And that is the hardest part for me. Knowing I could help and encourage her and not being able to... ugh. It is hard.

I LOVE YOU, CHRISTI!!! You are a great mommy and it gets easier, I promise! :)

In

2010-03-03T02:18:00.000-05:00

We are in the house. Last night was the first night in. The kids did great. I LOVE my bed and have missed it dearly. I am thankful to so many people for helping us get moved in!

No pictures yet. The boxes need to be gone before I post pictures.

We have the coolest view of the strip from our bedroom.

The kids are doing great. They like their new home, but are missing our friends.

Chuck and I both have done more than our backs can handle so the rest of the unpacking will be at a slower pace...

Thanks to anyone who has prayed for us over the last three months. I'm positive we were sustained by prayers.

"No!" and other fun 18 month observations

2010-02-26T01:11:00.005-05:00

We are at a place with Noah and Samuel that language really isn't an issue. They completely understand us (sometimes far better than we realize!) and are really good at communicating with us. We find ourselves spelling things a lot and sometimes Noah will say random letters when talking to us, I think, because he hears us do that. Samuel has been slower at language acquisition, but Noah is so extremely extroverted (for example, he prefers company while he goes potty) that he has picked up language more rapidly simply because he MUST talk. Samuel, however, has much better enunciation. Noah has more to say, but is not as easily understood as Samuel.

So now it's Tristan's turn to learn English. At 18 months he doesn't talk a lot. I mean, he talks all.the.time, just not anything we understand. At his 18 month appointment the Dr. ordered a hearing test and referred me to a local early intervention program. I'm still not sure I'll have his hearing tested... after all this is the kid that is easily awakened by noise. I'm pretty sure he hears us fine. I'm just praying about whether I want to put him through a test. Once we are settled in our new home I will definitely have the early intervention program assess him.

Anyway, Tristan is saying a few words and mimics tons of words. Currently he says Mama, NO!, banana (each syllable is it's own word), more, and milk. I'm sure I'm leaving some words out. By far, his favorite word is NO. He says it in a very clipped, quick, almost French-sounding way. And often his no means NO, but about half the time he really means yes. I have tried and tried and tried to get him to say yes or yeah or anything besides no when he means yes. Last week I was holding some Goldfish crackers while he was sitting near me in his highchair. I asked if he wanted some and he said No! while shaking his head no, but then would smile and bounce in his chair (which means yes in Tristan body language). I tried over and over, but he kept saying No.

Tristan really seems to understand everything we say to him. He helps to clean up when asked (or even if he sees his brothers doing so), he goes to his highchair if I ask him to, he brings me toys or other objects that I ask for, he recognizes the name of certain videos that he loves and he pretty much obeys our requests. That is, unless we ask him to "Come here." He will not obey that request. Ever. Especially if it involves a diaper change. And he can't be tricked or lured.

Another thing about Tristan at this age that I want to document on the ole blog... He LOVES Kuma, the dog we are living with. Kuma is a pomeranian and Tristan loves to pet him or put his face up to him (Tristan is a snuggler, so this is an endearing action for him). He is not mean to Kuma; he doesn't pull his tail or ears. He just loves him. I really think Noah's fear of Kuma has calmed dramatically by seeing his brothers love on Kuma.

Tristan has also developed a love for bread. I seriously have to hide bread at meals so that he will eat some protein and fruits and veggies first. Noah and Samuel are total carb-lovers and Tristan seems to be following in their footsteps. He's also gotten a little picky. There are some foods he absolutely won't eat... but nothing is really consistent. I think it depends on his mood. Yesterday when the boys had rice and beans I gave Tristan some turkey lunch meat (because N&S kill a box of rice and beans on their own; I need to remember to get the family size box so Tristan can have some). Today I tried to give him some turkey because I just knew he wouldn't eat mac and cheese. And go figure - he scarfed down the mac and cheese and wouldn't touch the turkey. What a kid.

Another thing Tristan has started doing is what I think is the beginning of temper tantrums. In the last few weeks, after asking Tristan to come and then I go and take his hand to walk him to where I want him, he falls to the floor. Lovely. And just in the last few days he's begun screaming loudly in short little bursts (intentionally, of course) while hitting whatever is around him - the wall, the island, the toy bin, etc. He does this when he doesn't get his way. I just know that any day now he will be throwing himself on the floor, kicking and screaming, like I did when I was his age. My mom and dad like to mention that it sounds like I have a little one that's a lot like how I was at that age. Great!!

Tristan LOVES to brush his teeth. He LOVES the movies UP and the pirate Veggies Tales movie (don't know the name!).

Another thing Tristan has started doing is running to the fridge, especially at 10 a.m. For as long as N&S have been home, they've watched Sesame Street if we are home. And when it comes on I give them their morning snack, usually cheese. Tristan has joined them and runs to the fridge when the music for Sesame Street begins. He pounds on it and whines.

There's just so much personality wrapped up into this little dude. I'm looking forward to when he does start talking because I feel like he's often frustrated that he can't tell us exactly what he wants. Maybe that's where the screaming comes in? We are so blessed by him and his adoring big brothers every.single.day. Life has been interesting these last few months, but these kids continue to thrive and create joy for us.

Moving!

2010-02-25T12:50:00.002-05:00

Today is an exciting day for us because we are picking up keys to our new house. I guess I'm a dork because I am SOOOOO looking forward to cleaning this afternoon. We've been staying with our friends for nearly 9 weeks now... we are so grateful that we have friends who'd host our crazy bunch for over 2 months. I will blog about them another day because they are some awesome peeps... especially their two kids.

So, the plan is that I clean this afternoon and begin moving items from our smaller storage unit that consists of mostly stuff that was packed in our van (all the last minute stuff). We will continue moving stuff tomorrow and on Saturday morning we will empty our huge storage unit with the help of some new friends and a 26 foot U-haul truck. Then I will begin unpacking at a frenzied pace so that we can get the house in some sort of order before moving our kids into it.

While these past 9 weeks have been a stretch for us, I can't help but think of the people of Haiti. Before the earthquake their living conditions were far less than I've ever experienced. And now the majority of the population is living in makeshift tents. That has really helped me keep things in perspective as we've shared space with our friends. Even during a rough patch in my life, I'm still so very blessed and have so much more than most of the world. I hope I never forget that.

5 Slim

2010-02-07T15:25:00.003-05:00

Friday morning Noah came downstairs with naked ankles. It seems he had a growthspurt overnight! We went to the store and bought him 5 slim jeans.

I can't believe my just-recently-turned-4 year old (Nov) is already in size 5 pants. Shirts, too. These are some tall little boys! We need the 5 tops for length in the arms and belly. 4's just aren't long enough for them.

I recently received the boys' medical records in the mail and I was able to see just how much they've grown. Samuel was one ounce shy of 27 lbs when he came home from Haiti and Noah was 29 1/2 lbs. At their four year old check up (14 months after coming home) Noah was 41.5 lbs and Samuel was 40.5 lbs. And they both grew SIX inches in that time. Insane. Just insane.

He Spins

2010-02-03T00:26:00.003-05:00

Tristan, that is. When music comes on and he's in the mood to dance, he spins in circles - and he matches the speed of his spin to the music.

He loves it and so do we.

Sometimes if we ask him to dance he'll spin without the music.

Gosh, I love that kid. I just love watching him grow up and do new things.

Fun in the Snow

2010-02-01T15:02:00.004-05:00

The weekend of Chuck's birthday was a lot of fun. It had rained for a number of days before the weekend, so the mountains surrounding us were snow covered. Chuck decided we should go play in the snow at Mount Charleston, a 45 minute drive from here.

I was hesitant because almost all of our warmer winter clothes are in storage. Between the small amount we had and some we were able to borrow, we were ready to face the snow for a little while. We joined forces with our favorite people, Vince, Jen, Marissa and Dawson. We had a serious snow ball fight and then the big kids and dads built a snowman. It was free fun for us all and it's just so cool that we can drive to the snow like that.

Here are a number of pictures that Jen took.

Snow Angels, Daddy and NoahTristan enjoyed eating the snow :)

Lil Haitians in the snow

Proud of their snowman!

Tristan refused to wear his hat much

(much like his refusal of bibs)

Daddy, Noah and Samuel

All of us :)

End of the Fast, New Fast

2010-01-28T01:23:00.003-05:00

Well, it's nearly done, my fast that is.

Sunday night I ate in celebration of Chuck's birthday and Tuesday night I decided that homemade belgium waffles (just the waffle, no toppings) were "like bread, right?"

I have to say, I'll never fast for that long again and eat food while doing it. Not eating is much easier than eating. Tuesday night at dinner I almost quit. The sweet and sour shrimp was calling my name.

It made my heart smile today to hear that someone was pulled out of the rubble alive. Can you imagine 15 days buried beneath a fallen building... not knowing if you'll be found. Haitians are the strongest people I've ever met. I've read countless stories online... they are tough.

Tonight For His Glory Outreach has requested people to take tomorrow as a day of prayer and fasting for orphans in Haiti for today, January 28th. The letter from Kim Harmon (their president) is at the bottom of the page dated January 27th. The orphans in Haiti in particular need prayer. The Haitian government has decided not to allow any more orphans to go to their US families until they can come up with a new system to review their departures.

Haiti pre-earthquake was never quick about putting a system in place. I can't imagine this coming together quickly without God's intervention.

Since I've spent the last 8 days fasting, I will not be fasting from food tomorrow. Instead I will do an internet fast. Please join me in praying for the situation with orphans in Haiti. I have friends who are still waiting for their kids to come home. Can you even imagine waiting 15 days for your child to come home after being in a devastating earthquake?? Most of these families have visited their kids multiple times. I'm so thankful our boys are home. I don't think I could handle that.

Noah's New Do

2010-01-26T18:07:00.003-05:00

Silly boy!

Back view

Top view

He's glad it's done!

Between yesterday and today I spent about 8 hours twisting Noah's hair so that we can begin the process of locking his hair. We plan to do this with both boys. I plan to do Samue's hair this weekend.

We didn't think much about hair before the boys came home because, well, they're boys! We just figured we'd keep it short. It was kept very short the entire time they were in the orphanage. The problem with keeping it short is that 1) they HATE to have their hair cut and 2) they look so much older with short hair. I personally think Noah looks younger with his twists.

After reading the Party of Five blog for 3 or so years, I felt like we could lock the boys' hair ourselves. Heather talks about the importance in doing her boys' hair and I couldn't agree more. I have nothing against taking kids to have their hair done, but I do think it will really mean something to them one day when they realize their white mommy took the time to learn to do their hair. With that said, I'm not entirely sure I knew what I was doing, but I did research techniques and products and watched some videos and then gave it a shot. I honestly hope that I don't have to redo Noah's hair because it was a lot of time and energy and the poor guy has a really tender head. He hates to have his hair combed, so he is thrilled that we won't be coming it anymore. He was horrified to learn we have to retwist it, though. Poor thing.

Fast Update

2010-01-25T15:14:00.004-05:00

This is an update on my fast for Haiti, and...

It's gonna be fast because the kids are eating lunch and I don't have much time.

I've done no-food fasts before and I honestly think they are easier than this bread, water, and coffee fast I'm doing. I'm hungry A LOT. The other night as I lay in bed I realized that what I was feeling is what most Haitians feel most of the time. That was humbling.

I went nearly 5 days before I broke the fast last night. I did so to celebrate Chuck's birthday. Me and our good friend Vince (who we live with currently) were both fasting and Chuck said it was a bummer to have his birthday dinner with us not eating. So, we decided to celebrate with Chuck and then return to the fast this morning. I had Chicken Enchiladas (Chuck's favorite) and German Chocolate Cake. Then we went to the movies to see "Book of Eli" and I had popcorn, soda, and cookie dough bites.

I'm back on the bread today and I've modified the drinks to anything to drink... I just don't think I'll make it until Thursday morning without more variety in the drink department.

One of the things I've been feverently praying for is for orphans in Haiti to join their US families. 82 kids from Noah and Samuel's orphanage were united with their families this weekend. It was quite an ordeal and I was thankful to be praying for them... especially Saturday night. I had a hard time sleeping because I drank coffee too late and then Tristan woke up and kept me up the remainder of the night. There was a great need for prayer that night as families waited for their kids to be released into their care, so I'm grateful for the lack of sleep and the extra prayers I got to say.

I continue to pray that we will hear good news about Noah and Samuel's birth family. We've heard nothing. And I continue to pray that people will give money and time (if they are medically specialized). As the news moves away from Haiti, I hope many people will continue to pray. There is so much work to be done and so many people injured badly who still need to be cared for.

If you'd rather donate to a ministry doing medical relief work, please email me at julicason@yahoo.com and I'll gladly share some links to good organizations on the ground in Haiti that need money.

Okay, kids are done with lunch!

Living in Las Vegas

2010-01-23T00:59:00.002-05:00

Obviously, Haiti has been on my mind a lot lately. While there is much to talk about with that, and even more to pray for, this post is about Las Vegas and what it's been like so far.

Me and the boys arrived in Las Vegas on December 16th and Chuck arrived on the 17th. We unpacked our belongings into storage and then left for California on the 19th to spend time Christmas with Chuck's family. We got back to Las Vegas on the 26th, so I count our time in Las Vegas from the 26th.

So, with that explanation, we've been here for 4 weeks now.

The beginning was rough for me. I don't do change well. That's exacerbated by the fact that we are in transition here because we've been staying with friends (while waiting for our VA house to be rented). I wanted nothing more than to be in bed with the covers over my head for the first week or so. I didn't know what to do with myself or with the kids. Tristan was having a hey-day exploring the new environment and getting into everything. We've childproofed as best we can, but the floor plan here just leaves lots of area to roam. Everything just seemed so hard in the beginning. I'm slowly adjusting to this new place and getting us into a routine.

Enough about me. Now about Las Vegas. It's pretty here, when you look into the distance. We are surrounded by mountains and after all the rain this week (which was snow at high elevations) they are covered in snow. Absolutely beautiful! Up close, though, is not so pretty. There's almost no grass here, just dirt fields. I love the stucco homes and tile roofs.

Driving is just crazy here. The traffic is not nearly as bad as Hampton Roads, but the drivers are worse. It's just kind of lawless on the highways. For instance, there are express lanes near the Strip and there's a portion of it where you can't get in or get off... but people do all the time. People are not likely to let you into a lane, etc. Just kind of unfriendly. Now, if you know me well, you know I'm a horrible driver. Here I'm in good company.

There are a lot of rocks. Lots of people have completely rock yards. Weird, but I guess it makes sense. The highways have gravel on the sides instead of grass. It just looks so different than what I've seen my whole life.

I've seen some seriously gorgeous sunsets here. The sky turns all sorts of colors as the sun sets. Just beautiful.

Now about the Strip. I'll precede this by saying that I'm not a sheltered person. I've been around the block... but I'm shocked every.single.time I go down there. And honestly, I hope I never stop being shocked. I've been to lots of party cities that have a strip of some sort. In most places there are rules... like no open beverages, for instance. Here anything goes. It is shocking. This place makes 'liberal' college town look conservative. Seriously. Taking the kids down there is nearly impossible. There are some family-friendlier areas, but overall it is just crazy. It's also heartbreaking.

It's also very diverse here. I've seen lots of interracial families. And I love that. People don't stare when I take the kids out. Most people seem to immediately understand that they are mine, that I'm not babysitting them. And they are very accepting of our family.

Lots of neighborhoods are gated and I just don't like it. It seems so limiting and unfriendly. The friends we are staying with live in a gated community and it's my hope that we don't end up in one.

I joined a gym here and have been taking the boys nearly every morning. They have childcare and I'm enjoying some time to myself. Of course the news has been focused on Haiti, so I've spent many mornings at the gym on the treadmill holding back tears. It's interesting to people watch at the gym. Las Vegas seems to be very high maintenance, even at the gym. There's just an overall level of bling here that I'm not used to. As a low maintenance girl, I feel very out of place sometimes.

I'm sure there's more I could say about Las Vegas so far... but that's all for now.

Our Old House

2010-01-20T23:48:00.003-05:00

I got good news today... our house in Virginia has been rented!

We had hoped to sell it, but with the dwindling economy and the fact that we've only owned it for 2 years, that wasn't likely. We listed it for rent in mid-December and after lowering the rent we were able to get some tenants.

There are two unfortunate things about this... 1) The monthly rent payment is less than what we pay for our mortgage and 2) Our tenants won't be moving in until mid-February. It will be rented at a $240 deficit monthly, but at least the majority of the mortgage is covered. I'm so thankful for that.

It's an older house so hopefully nothing big breaks down (you know, like heat or AC).

I'm just very thankful that we were able to get it rented.

And now we can begin to look for something to rent here in Las Vegas. If you know of anything in South or Southwest Las Vegas, let me know!

Going Hungry for Haiti - Please Give

2010-01-19T01:27:00.006-05:00

This is a photo of us with the boys' birthfater.

We still don't know if he and his older children are okay.

Noah and Samuel were 18 months old in this picture.

Since I learned of the earthquake in Haiti, I’ve wanted to do something. The question is "what?" I don’t have much money to give and I’m not a medical professional, which is who they need to come and help.

The obvious answer to what I can do is that I can pray. And I have. But, quite honestly, I’ve disappointed myself with my lack of prayer. A few hours will go by and I’ll realize that I haven’t thought of Haiti.

A friend of my sister, who really has no connection to Haiti, has decided to fast for a week, drinking water and eating bread, with the hope of raising $1000 for Haiti. I was so inspired by his idea that I’ve decided that I, too, will fast for Haiti.

Today marks a special day for our family. Four years ago today we received the referral for Noah and Samuel. They were just 10 weeks old at that time. Today they are lively 4 year olds and are such a blessing to us daily.

Beginning tomorrow, I’ve decided to fast for 8 days, drinking water and coffee and eating only bread. I decided to fast one day for each year of the boys’ lives (times 2, of course!). And, ironically, I’ve visited Haiti 8 times.

My goal as I fast is first and foremost to draw close to God in prayer for the people of Haiti. We still don’t know the fate of Noah and Samuel’s birthfather and siblings. The people who are there helping also need a tremendous amount of prayer as they help the hurting. I will also be praying that the countless orphans will be evacuated to thier waiting families. This will not be an easy fast for me. I like to eat! Plus, I feed my kids their meals and I cook dinner every night. As I struggle to not eat, I know that I will be thinking of Haiti more often and I’ll be able to pray for those there.

In addition, it’s my hope to raise money for the orphanage that Noah and Samuel lived in, Maison des Enfants de Dieu, which works stateside with For His Glory Outreach. They have over 120 children that they care for and as we move forward from this tragedy, countless new orphaned children will come through their doors. In addition to caring for orphans, For His Glory is an outreach ministry to the birth families, employees of the orphanage, and the general public surrounding the orphanage. They will have quite an opportunity to reach out to hurting Haitian people.

Finally, I also hope that through my fast, God will move in the hearts of doctors and nurses to volunteer their time on the ground in Haiti. Medical professionals are desperately needed on the ground in Haiti. People are dying senselessly because they can’t get medical care. I just watched a report by Anderson Cooper about preventable deaths – simple infections that are killing people because they just can’t get the medical care that they need.

I ask that if you give or if you or someone you know makes the decision to go and help in Haiti, please let me know. It would be such an encouragement to me as I fast. I of course ask that you pray for Haiti, for the Haitians and for the people there helping. And I ask that you send up a brief prayer for me… that I’ll be able to fast and pray for Haiti as I desire.

*Please feel free to link this post on your blog. We serve a mighty God and I'm hoping people will be inspired to give as I fast.*

A Plea for Prayer

2010-01-17T02:07:00.002-05:00

It's hard to fathom the reality of what's going on in Haiti. In fact, when I initially heard the news, I was concerned but had no idea how grave it was.

Then the news started trickling in. Haiti has been front page news every day this week in Las Vegas. I went to the gym twice this week and watched CNN for long stretches. I began reading blogs of missionaries in Haiti who are on the ground there experiencing the horror. And it became more and more real.

But tonight I was broken by it all. Tonight I saw pictures taken from the orphanage Noah and Samuel lived at for 31 months of their lives. And I honestly feel like I can't quite breathe.

The wall surrounding the orphanage is down... which means that thieves and such have easy access to the supplies of the orphanage and the children. I've also read that the main prison had 4600 inmates escape. 3 years ago kidnappings were a daily occurence and many of those thugs were locked up. None of them are locked up anymore.

Reality has sunk in deep tonight. My heart is completely broken. I've not prayed without ceasing since I learned of the earthquake, but I believe I will now. Seeing pictures of kids I know with stuff under their noses to mask the smell of death... how do I reconcile that? Knowing that they are quickly running out of supplies... water, coal for cooking, medicine, food, iv fluids for a sick child. Lord, please help them!

I know I'm preaching to the choir. Most people who read this love Haiti as much as I do. But, I ask that you please, please, please pray for Haiti. And if you can give, do so generously. I'll be happy to recommend some reputable ministries in Haiti where your money will 100% go to helping those in need. Just leave me a comment or email me for info.

The number one request I've heard from people on the ground in Haiti is that we pray. And really, it's the least we can do.

Link to pictures: http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/earthquake_relief

Heartbroken for Haiti

2010-01-13T11:25:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's severe earthquake just outside of Port au Prince has left me feeling heartbroken and helpless for Haiti yet again.

I can't imagine the devastation there or how the people are feeling and surviving through this. The shock, the grief, the disbelief, and the reality.

I think of adoptive families in process and weep, knowing that their adoptions have hit yet another unplanned hurdle.

Life in Haiti is hard enough without another catastrophic national disaster.

Lord, please help them.

Can You Help?

2009-12-29T01:34:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure how many adoptive family readers I have these days...

But...

I'll put it out there anyway. We are dealing with severe fear of dogs with Noah. Samuel is scared, too, but Noah goes into hysterics and becomes completely irrational around dogs.

Here in Vegas we are staying with friends until we can get into a place of our own. They have a dog. We are not having good times here.

I realize that lots of people have had experience with kids being fearful of dogs. This is extreme. If you've dealt with an extreme fear issue with an adoptive child, I'd really like to hear from you. If you're not comfortable posting a comment, please email me at julicason@yahoo.com.

Thanks.

Thank You

2009-12-23T22:49:00.003-05:00

My last post was pretty dreary. Sorry about that. It's not all rainbows and unicorns here and I believe in being honest.

I just wanted to pop in and say thank you to those of you who have left me encouraging comments and for your prayers. I am feeling a little better. For the time being, we have a little routine going on. Yes, we are living out of suitcases, but they are lined up all nice and neat right now :)

Along with my thanks, I ask for continued prayer. Please pray that our marriage can weather this stress. Pray for the kids to feel secure and loved and cared for. Pray for health for us. Some other items... please pray for our house in Virginia to sell or rent out SOON. Please pray that Chuck's minivan (we left it in VA) would sell and that it would sell for what it's worth. Please pray for Chuck's job situation... that he either get funding enough to support our family as an intern at the church or that he lands a good job in Las Vegas.

Again, thanks for your encouragement and for lifting us in prayer. It is so needed right now.

Ugh.

2009-12-21T02:29:00.003-05:00

Truth be told, I'm not doing so well.

Being in prolonged transition isn't fun. I need order and organization and a plan. I'm just winging it. And I'm doing okay for the most part. I have dropped the ball on a few things that have unfortunately been expensive. Ugh. Not a good time for expensive mistakes for the Cason family.

I have A LOT to be thankful for. So many people and circumstances have been just awesome. We are staying with Chuck's brother and sister-in-law and they are just great. We have a really good set up here and the kids feel secure. I couldn't ask for more in that respect.

It's just hard for me to not look at the hard stuff, too. I'm a pessimist at heart. Tristan is sick and has been for a week now. My sleep has been affected and that's no good. Spending time with God has not happened in days. I'm praying A LOT, but that just doesn't cut it for me. I have cried more in this last week than I have in years. It's just a lot to deal with and it's hard. I would really like to just spend a day with the covers over my head, but that's just not in my future. Ugh.

So there you have it. Ugh.

We Made It!

2009-12-17T00:28:00.003-05:00

This post is coming to you live from Las Vegas, my new home.

Gosh that sounds weird. The whole thing is just weird.

Anyway, just wanted to record how things went today, mostly so that God can get the glory and so that my pessimistic self will have to read about today and how well it all went.

First of all, me and all three kids slept in until nearly 8. EIGHT. That never happens. Tristan was up in the middle of the night coughing and ended up in bed with me, but I still got sleep. Awesome.

We've been staying with a wonderful friend, Dana, since Sunday night. I can't tell you how grateful I am for her. She is God sent and God really has used her to take care of us in so many ways lately. We love her like family. Dana's sister in law, Amy, loaded us all up and our crazy luggage into her Suburban and took us to the airport this morning. She also lent us a portable DVD player since we had over 6 hours in the air between the two flights.

The guy who helped us get our luggage from the curb all the way through getting checked in was phenominal. He stayed with us in line and helped us get our luggage tagged, weighed, etc. He even helped me pull items out of one slightly overweight suitcase.

We made it through security with no problems whatsoever. The boys did great. I highly recommend putting your kids in sandals to get through security. We put our shoes and socks on while waiting to board the plane.

Now, our plane was 35 minutes late, but it gave me the opportunity to feed the kids lunch. We just had a little picnic of pb&j's while waiting to board.

We ended up further back in both planes than we wanted to be. It was suggested we sit toward the front since the front flight attendant has less people to take care of (on Southwest, that is). We had no problems sitting further back, though. Noah and Samuel colored and Tristan took a little nap. He did some crying, but since he's not feeling well he has lost the high pitch noises he makes. That to me is totally God using bad for good. Yes, it sucks that Tristan doesn't feel well, but God used it to save many a person's eardrums and dirty looks directed my way.

On the second flight the boys watched Peter Pan. Then I had them rest for a while. I knew we were going to be up way past bedtime, so I tried to get them to nap (with the help of Benedryl). Noah totally zonked out for well over an hour. Samuel sat quietly. He doesn't really nap anymore, but at least he rested quietly. I finally felt bad enough for him that I put on Peter Pan again since it was out.

Noah woke up crying... he usually does when he wakes up on a trip and he's strapped in. I got him settled down and then the boys watched Cars until we had to turn the DVD player off.

I'm just so proud of Noah and Samuel. They were nearly perfect today (though completely bouncing off the walls in the airports, but they were excited). Their favorite show right now is Dinosaur Train on PBS. We rode on a shuttle to the hotel and it was very reminiscent of the train on that show. They were more excited to be chilling in the front seats on the shuttle than anything else all day.

We are settled into the hotel now. Dana helped us get in and then hung out for a little while. All three kids went down without a fuss.

I honestly couldn't have asked for a better trip. THANK YOU, GOD!!

Oh, and I didn't take a single picture. Things went well, but I was very busy the whole time :)

Geeked.

2009-12-15T23:53:00.003-05:00

That would be the best word to describe how Noah and Samuel are feeling about flying on an airplane tomorrow.

Nauseous.

That would be how I'm feeling about it. Please pray we all make it there in one piece and with my sanity still intact. I'm so thankful my friend Dana is flying with us. SO THANKFUL.

If I'm able to actually take some pictures of our travels, I will. No promises, folks.

True Blue Tristan

2009-12-11T10:26:00.003-05:00

I'm busier than heck with packing and stuff for the upcoming move, but this photo just caught my eye and I had to share it.

This is Tristan to the core. I am not a photographer, don't aspire to be one, and don't have the time to learn how to take better pics at all. While the quality is poor, this photo still captures our little guy.

Enjoy :)

Click to enlarge

One Week...

2009-12-09T23:41:00.002-05:00

... is all I have left in Virginia.
(Gosh I'd rather just be singing the Bare Naked Ladies song instead.)

Happy.

Sad.

Excited.

Overwhelmed.

Scared.

Thrilled to get away from the crazy rainfall we've had here.

Unable to grasp that I won't see these people. Maybe ever again. You'd think having relocated 3 times before would better prepare me for the range of emotions. It doesn't. I'm an emotional mess.

I'm packing up the majority of the house tomorrow. A great friend is helping me out. I'm so thankful for her :)

Oh, Lord, please help us get through these crazy days ahead!

Your prayers would be so appreciated :)

First Haircut!

2009-12-08T20:28:00.004-05:00

See the natural mohawk?

Well, we did it.

On Saturday we took Tristan for his first haircut. His hair is bone straight like mine and it was really long in the back and scruffy around the ears.

I've posted before about Tristan's double cowlicks. He has two on the top of his head that push his hair into a natural mohawk. I really thought the hairdresser would have some kind of magic skills to make those cowlicks cooperate. She didn't. We can either accept them and do the mohawk look or we can shave it. We didn't want to shave it.

Tristan was so good. He only moved or fussed when she got close to his ears. I was amazed that she could cut a moving target!

Just one more reminder that my baby is growing up. Sigh.

Then new do!

Two years ago today...

2009-11-27T21:37:00.002-05:00

...we learned we were expecting Tristan!

:)

Thankful

2009-11-26T22:23:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving this year was SO different than Thanksgiving last year.

Last year at Thanksgiving we had only been parents for a little over 3 months. We still had a decent language barrier going on with Noah and Samuel. We were just coming out of the newborn phase with Tristan. We were a mess. A hot mess. My house was never clean. Heck, I was rarely clean.

My Dad was here last year on Thanksgiving and that was awesome. Seeing him get to meet Noah and Samuel and interact with them was special. Very special. He had met Tristan when he was just a few weeks old when we were stuck in Florida trying to get to Haiti to get the twins.

This year no one woke up until 7:30. What a blessing! A year ago my days ended late and started early with many wake-ups inbetween. Our Thanksgiving meal was cooked by 2:00 and I had everything cleaned up by 3:30. Everyone but me napped from 4-5... and Chuck and the twins napped until 6! I spent that hour relaxing by myself looking at all the sales ads. Then Tristan and I hung out until everyone woke up. We had turkey sandwiches and pumpkin pie. Then the boys watched Up while I took a bath.

This year was relaxing. I'm so thankful for that because a year ago my life was anything but relaxing. And I just thought it would always be like that. I had no concept of how things might change and get easier. I just assumed things would always be that hard.

But so much has changed. We sleep... most nights all the way through. Tristan might get up earlier than I like, but he sleeps in long stretches now. We are able to communicate effectively with Noah and Samuel. Their understanding of words, phrases and concepts amazes me. It is extraordinary. And the biggest change is that I've relaxed. I was hypervigilant last year. It's like I couldn't catch my breath. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop... constantly. I was just so afraid. We were thrust into parenting unlike most people (though I'm not sure how parents of multiples do it in the beginning... I can't imagine having more than one infant!) and we just had to find our way. And I'm so thankful that we have. I can breathe again. I'm not waiting for the other shoe (or anything else for that matter) to drop. And for the most part, I'm not afraid like I was. I can remember lying in bed at night last year thinking through all the scenarios of what could go wrong and how I would respond. Going places with all three was an event. Getting them all to church on Sunday mornings without Chuck's help (remember, he works there so he goes in early) was HARD. I just look back on all of it with a giant sigh of relief. I'm so thankful we are in the place we are now.

I'm thankful that we are all pretty much healthy. Sure, we've had a few infections here and there, but overall we are a healthy bunch. Even Chuck's chronic cough was figured out this last year (allergy to milk). I'm thankful for how God provides for all our needs. And He even gives us some of our wants, too. He has provided us with some pretty awesome friends as well.

I'll end with the friend I'm most thankful for. I'm thankful for Nicole. I've known Nicole for years, but we've gotten close over the last 18 or so months. Nicole started coming over once a week about a year ago. She has dinner with us and hangs out with me after the kids are in bed. Every week! She has been the only consistent person besides us in our kids' lives. They pray for her nearly every night. And she has stood by me through some really hard times. She's the one who would get the phone calls at 9 p.m. from me saying, "I'm just so scared all the time." And she'd listen and share some of her own experience with fear. And she'd tell me that I was going to be okay when I wasn't sure I would be. Nicole has been Jesus to our family during some really rough times. She listens and she doesn't judge. I'm so thankful I have a friend like that (and I stand in complete denial about moving away!). Nicole, I love you and I thank Jesus for you! You will have to take many trips to Las Vegas!!

So, what are you thankful for this year? I pray that your day was full of thanksgiving!

Outside the Camp

2009-11-24T21:39:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow marks three weeks until I move to Las Vegas. My life gets completely turned upside down in about 2 1/2 weeks because we are packing up the house 3 days before me and the boys fly out and Chuck leaves 2 days before we fly out. My gracious friend, Dana, has offered for me and the boys to stay with her. She has NO IDEA what she has invited into her quiet home!

I really thought these last few weeks would look different than they do. I thought we would be out with friends and catching up with people, but we are not. I guess the holidays are not a good time to be moving away. My mind is just now starting to really realize that there are some people I'm probably not going to see again. Ever. Wow. I didn't expect this feeling of lonliness to set in before we get to Las Vegas. It is very weird.

I've been making a special effort to stay close to God during this time. Today I finished a wonderful workbook study on the Beatitudes. It's from the "Following God" series and it's called "Renewing the Heart for Women... Life Principles from the Beatitudes" by Barbara Henry. I HIGHLY recommend it. The final study was about walking with Jesus as it pertains to suffering. My heart was opened to all kinds of new ideas about what it means to suffer for Christ.

One of the points in today's study was based out of Hebrews 13:12-16. Barbara Henry talks about "the camp" and what that means. For me, it means my comfort zone. Not necessarily material comfort, but also my routine... monthly budget... local grocery store... etc. The camp, for me, is safe and predictable. Outside of the camp... well that's scary. It's full of unknowns, maybe even persecution.

Going to Las Vegas is definitely going outside of the camp for us. It is full of unknowns. When we get there, we are staying with friends until our house here sells. I don't want to do that! Chuck and I are going to sell his van before we leave so we don't have to get to vehicles across the country and we will share a vehicle when we get there. I don't like to share my van! Chuck has to fundraise his salary and we still have a ways to go to be fully funded. I don't want to be poor! And on top of all of that, my routine is going to Hell in a handbasket!

Hebrews 13:14 speaks of "the city that is to come." And that is why we are going. I don't expect to be comfortable in Las Vegas. It is a sinful place full of broken and hurting people. And they are why we are going... because eternity is real and they will either spend it in "the city that is to come" or they will spend it in Hell. If Jesus could suffer like He did for me, I can certainly go and be uncomfortable in Las Vegas.

I used to think that if I served God, I deserved certain things... good health, safety and health for my kids and family, a place to live, etc. I don't think that anymore. And after today's study I'm more and more expecting persecution of some sort. The more time I spend with the Lord, the more I realize that knowing Him intimately far outweighs all that other stuff. Preparing to go "outside the camp" has proven to be a lonely path for us... but I'm growing closer to God because of it and that is such a blessing. I'm reminded that Mother Teresa, who served God wholeheartedly, experienced intense lonliness. I'm not even comparable to Mother Teresa... I just realize that choosing to go outside the camp like we have means choosing lonliness.

I spoke with a friend recently who has moved out to Las Vegas and she expressed how lonely it has been for her. The idea of going out to Las Vegas to help start a church is a very exciting and adventurous thing for me. And while it may be a surprisingly lonely path, I'm really not alone because I have God right there with me and I'm learning to draw comfort from Him. And as I direct more and more of my thoughts toward Him, I find that it's okay to be lonely... to be uncomfortable... and to even be persecuted.

So, I'm adjusting to the idea of being "outside the camp." And more importantly, I'm drawing closer to my Creator because of it.

Stats

2009-11-22T22:44:00.002-05:00

All three of our boys were seen by the wonderful Dr. D this week. Noah and Samuel had their 4 year well check up and Tristan had his 15 month appointment. Noah and Samuel were also seen by the dentist. Their teeth are cavity free. Oh, and Noah DOES NOT like the dentist. Not even a little. Good times.

Anyway, I thought I'd share where our little guys are at, growth wise.

Noah was 42 1/2 inches tall (90th percentile) and 40 1/2 lbs (75th percentile).

Samuel was 41 1/2 inches tall (90th percentile) and 39 1/2 lbs (75th percentile).

Tristan was 32 inches tall (75th percentile) and 23 lbs 5 oz (25th percentile).

Up until shorts weather, N&S were fine in 3T pants for the most part. Noah could wear a 4T, but had mostly 3T's. Since they are slender, they wore 3T shorts all summer. I realized at the beginning of summer that we needed 4T shirts because their bellies were hanging out. 4T shirts are covering their bellies, but they need a 5T if I buy them long sleeves because their arms are so long. It won't be long (really, they could wear them now, I'm sure) before we are in 5T pants for length. They are tall. However, they are thin so I have to buy them adjustable waists whenever possible. Both boys are wearing size 13 shoes. They have grown SO much in 14 months. I'm pretty sure they came home at 27 lbs (Samuel) and 29 lbs (Noah). Oh, and I have to mention, Samuel's legs are completely fine. We had him rechecked by the orthopedist a few months ago and his legs are no longer bowed. AMAZING.

Tristan wears 12 and 18 months clothing. He is like me... long torso, short legs. So, he can get away with 12 month pants. Most of his tops are 18 months. He is wearing a size 5 shoe. I heard that many babies slow down on weight gain once they start walking. That seems to be true for Tristan. Believe me, he eats. Sometimes he eats the same portion size as me.

Sometimes I stand back in awe of how these kids are growing. I'm just amazed by our Creator and how He grows kids up. Noah and Samuel were in rough shape when they came home (though not nearly as bad as some kids... I will NEVER take that for granted). It is just so amazing to me that if you feed a body what it needs, it just blossoms.

I'm a stickler for healthy eating for my kids. I truly believe you have to start young on making healthy eating a habit for life. My kids get fruit or vegetables with every meal (yes, we do miss sometimes). We also eat home cooked meals most of the time (and occasionally we eat out or have fast food). I try to stay away from foods full of chemicals. I just try to be very aware of what I'm putting into their little developing bodies. I'm not nearly as vigil and freakish as some parents out there... not that I fault them... I just don't have the energy to be super vigilant. I feel that if I can teach my kids healthy habits they will have a better chance at health in the future. And so far, they are healthy. We have very little sickness here. And they are obviously all thriving.

So, that's where they are at. Rose Ann mentioned how big the twins are getting and asked what size they are wearing. It's kind of funny that I was planning this post on stats. So, there you go!

Birthday Parties

2009-11-19T22:14:00.009-05:00

Last year we didn't have much of a celebration for Noah and Samuel. About all any of us could handle was a quiet celebration at home. So, it was rather fitting that we had TWO parties for them this year.

The first party was just with some immediate family in Michigan. Chuck had a speaking engagement in mid October, so we decided to have cake, ice cream and presents with my family while there. My sister decorated everything with Cars and the boys opened presents from the family. The highlight was that they got bikes from Grandma and Grandpa Herb. They had been waiting FOREVER for their bikes.

On their actual birthday on November 9, we didn't do anything. I told them that it was their birthday, but that we would have a birthday party with FRIENDS and JUMPING on Saturday. I went back and forth on the type of party I would throw for them. I would have liked to have had a party here at the house, but November is just so iffy here in Virginia. We ended up having a party at an indoor inflatable park and I'm so glad we did. The weather was dreadful that day, so I'm so thankful we didn't plan the party here.

Noah, Samuel and 14 of their little friends jumped and ran and slid and bumped heads and had a BLAST. Us parents were able to enjoy some time talking as the kids had fun. It was a great party setting and I'd highly recommend it. My only regret is that I had booked us for a smaller party and then realized we'd need to book a bigger party. By the time I made that realization, we were too late to switch into a bigger party room, so the pizza, cake and presents time was crammed and most of the parents just stayed outside the room.

We made the decision a long time ago that we will never sing Happy Birthday to both boys at the same time. They are individuals and deserve their own song. We sang to Samuel first and he wasn't sure what to think with the lights off and everyone singing off-key. After he blew out his candle it took me a moment to get the cake and Noah's candle situated. Once we were all set, Noah exclaimed, "OKAY!" letting us know we were all ready. He was so excited to be sung to! He totally enjoyed all of us singing and focusing our attention on him for a moment.

My dear friend, Amanda (who has the cutest, tiniest little girls who just LOVE LOVE LOVE my boys) took pictures while the boys unwrapped gifts. Chuck took a ton of video footage, but I'm not sure if that will make it to the blog. We tend to wait a looooong time before actually downloading it from the camera (kind of like me and pictures from my camera...).

Anyway, please enjoy the pictures. I have pictures from both parties. (I apologize for the quality of the photos. I have a not-so-great camera and I'm not at all a photographer.) I absolutely loved throwing parties for these two. I had no idea I'd be so excited for their parties, but I was.

Noah and Daddy

Samuel

It was dark... so you can't see just how excited they were!

Noah

Samuel

My sister hooked them up with Cars outfits

and hats and all sorts of other Cars stuff.

Suffering through Mommy reading a

card and waiting to open presents.

Presents!!

A Cars cake, of course!

Lilly and Mya

The love between these girls and my boys is PRECIOUS.

CAKE!!

And yes, they had the same Cars cake at this party, too!

Samuel with a freshly opened gift from Sam.

Noah opening a gift.

Happy Birthday, Noah!

Happy Birthday, Samuel!

Friends!

More friends!!

Noah climbing up.

Samuel... really, he was having a good time.

Samuel sliding

I have to note that just 7 months ago neither of

the boys was able to play here... it was just too

overwhelming for them. They've come so far!

Noah with Samuel and Lilly in the background.

Noah

Noah climbing up.

Pointing and Stuff

2009-11-17T07:44:00.003-05:00

Tristan started pointing in the last week. He points to let us know he wants his milk or more food (which is on a plate on the table that he can't reach since he can't be trusted to not throw it).

Something Tristan has been doing for the last month is batting his hand on his mouth while making noise. His hand is palm out instead of palm in and he doesn't exactly bat it... he kind of quickly bends it, but gets the same effect.

My mom was super impressed last month that Tristan will bounce a ball back and forth with someone. She thinks he's brilliant. We do, too, of course, but we don't know if the ball bouncing makes him so.

Last night at dinner Tristan repeated the word "noodle." He won't say it again, but we clearly heard it.

It's just amazing to watch a baby grow from a newborn, capable of almost nothing, to a toddler.

In other news...

The November Nor'easter (known in our house as the "Storm from Hell") has made our internet intermittent. It worked perfectly through the storm, but now we are constantly resetting things to get internet to work. Thankfully we had no damage to our home and never lost power. Chuck's van lost a window. The storm was basically like a mild hurricane.
Noah and Samuel celebrated their 4th birthday with friends this past Saturday. Once I get pictures uploaded I will blog all about that. It was FUN.
We move to Las Vegas in 29 days. That is crazy.

Goodbye, Gracie and Sabrina

2009-11-10T22:45:00.004-05:00

Sabrina Louise

Grace Marie

These two cats taught me about love.

We made the decision a while back that we would give our cats away before our upcoming move. They just weren't happy anymore. They were our kids before kids and then the kids got here and they just didn't get the attention they were used to. Then the kids started terrorizing them every chance they got. Gracie and Sabrina's quality of life just wasn't what we wanted for them.

So, we started looking for a family for them. We wanted them to stay together since they are from the same litter and have been together for the last 8+ years. The ideal family would have no other pets or small kids.
'

I finally got desperate and posted them on Craig's List. And finally someone called. Sarah called today and was eager to come and meet them. We grilled her. She just lost her cat and doesn't have other animals. Or kids. Her husband is in the Navy so he's gone a lot. She's home and can give the cats attention.

We gave her our kids before kids.
'

We are sad, but also enjoying some new freedoms. Like leaving a glass of water on the counter. And opening the door without fear of a cat running out. The list goes on. We will miss them, but we are glad they are in a better environment.
'

This whole "moving" thing is getting more an more real. Giving away our family members today opened my eyes wider to the fact that we are outta here soon. Denial is slipping away...

All-body

2009-11-07T22:07:00.003-05:00

I don't want to forget this one...

Noah is VERY verbal. He needs to talk. Even if he has nothing to talk about, he is going to talk to you and you better look in his eyes when he's talking to you! Samuel will choose not to speak if he's not sure how to express something. Noah will just make stuff up or pull words together in unique ways to express himself.

Lately he's been using "all-body" and we like it so much that we find ourselves saying it too.

All-body takes the place of everyone or everybody. Noah will talk about how all-body is eating. "Mama is eating. Daddy is eating. Tristan is eating. Samuel is eating. And Noah is eating. We're alllll-body eating." He draws out the all for effect, too.

We LOVE it. Today I used it at naptime. "We're allll-body taking a nap." And we did! :)

Really, God?

2009-11-03T22:50:00.005-05:00

I have said those two words so many times. Sometimes life seems to throw me a curve ball and I just have to say, "Really, God?"

Like when we totally thought the Coast Guard was going to send us to California in 2004 and instead Chuck's detailer "forgot about him." Really, God? We ended up staying in the Hampton Roads area and our lives have been so enriched here. Thank you, God.

Or when we lost a baby in April, 2005 to miscarriage. Really, God? It was such a heartwrenching experience - pain I wish on no one. But if we hadn't experienced that miscarriage, we wouldn't have started our adoption later that year.

Or maybe when I distinctly heard God tell me I needed to go to Haiti in July of 2005. Really, God? And I went. And that swung open the door to adopting from Haiti.

Or how about when we learned in January of 2006 that the orphan I cared for back in July - the one we wanted to adopt - had a family. Really, God? Then, the very next day we received the referral for Noah and Samuel.

Or how about when we learned that Chuck would never be deployable again after his back surgery and that meant his Coast Guard career was over. Really, God? After 10 years in the milirary it all comes to an end? And God provided a medical retirement for Chuck.

Honestly, I could go on and on.

My most recent "Really, God?" experience has to do with starting a church in Michigan. "Really, God, fundraising is not going to come through?" "Really, God, there isn't a single job for Chuck?" "You're closing the door on this, God? Really? But we told everyone we were going."

When it comes to starting a church, there are a few ways to do it. The first is to fundraise hundreds of thousands of dollars and begin having church services in a rented (or possibly owned) space with paid staff, equipment, etc. That was the route we were hoping to go. However, the rough economic times have made it impossible to raise that kind of money. There are church planting organizations that give money to new churches, but right now they are out of money. Another option we had was for Chuck to find a regular job and then build our ministry from our home. The big problem with this model is that Chuck was not able to find a job. Unemployment is extreme in Michigan. The collapse of the auto industry has had tremendous impact on employment in Michigan. Without a job, we would need to live with family. And we don't have family that has a big enough home to host us long term, if needed. As we prayed about all these things we came to the harsh reality that going to Michigan right now is just not an open door. Gosh, how I wrestled with God over that. If He called us there, why was He making it impossible to go?? I'm not sure. I don't know the answer. I have some theories, though.

Perhaps God simply broke Chuck's heart for Michigan. A little over a year ago Chuck became very burdened for southeast Michigan. Did we mistaken that burden for a calling? I don't know.

Maybe God wanted to see if our hearts were willing. I have shared here before - one of the last places on earth I want to move to is Michigan. The climate is rough there. I drive horrible in the snow. For Chuck, there is no surf and cold weather is physically painful for him because of his back. But we were willing to go if that's where God wanted us. And maybe God just wanted to know if we were willing. I don't know.

Another theory is that God pointed us toward Michigan to get us moving, and then would show us something else (which He did, keep reading). You see, we were long-term committed to Chesapeake, VA. We felt that if we started the church campus in Chesapeake, we needed to commit at least 5 years to it. So maybe God broke Chuck's heart for MI in order to get us moving. Again, I don't know.

I'm really not sure why things have happened the way they have, but they have. There are just some things I'm not going to understand this side of Heaven, and maybe this is one of them. We are fully open to going to MI if that's where God wants us, but right now He's not making it possible for us to go.

So, the next question is what do we do now? Some would say that we should just stay put. However, God has made it clear to us through many circumstances, situations, and people that our time here has come to a close. A lot of that has been rather painful and I won't go into detail about all of that. We simply know that it is time to move on.

So, where are we going? I'm so glad you asked. We are going to Las Vegas and we are leaving in 6 weeks!!

If that seems completely crazy, let me share some things.

The founding pastor of the church that we are currently at left last year to start a church on the Las Vegas strip. Part of his story is that his father ruined his family in Las Vegas gambling. So it's quite poetic that God would send him there to reach out to people just like his father. When Vince announced to our church that he was leaving to start this church he made it clear that he was not taking any staff with him. Our church would have enough change to process through with his family's departure so he didn't want to add to that burden by taking other staff members with him. Right after the meeting Chuck told him, "Man, if I could I'd pack my bags and go with you." And Vince replied, "Well you can't." End of story, right? Wrong.

In June our church's leadership made the tough decision to close the Chesapeake campus. By then we had shared that we were going to eventually go to Michigan to start a church (though at that time we thought it would be a few years because we were committed to Chesapeake for 5 years). That is when we began moving forward with plans to go to Michigan, so Chuck was planning to leave our church, not because anyone was "taking him."

Well, as the doors began to slam shut to Michigan, we began to think and pray about Las Vegas. Well, let me correct that. Chuck began to think and pray about Las Vegas. I wouldn't because I was close-minded to anything besides Michigan. Even though those doors were slamming shut, I felt like we needed to go there because that's what God said.

In late September I surrendered my closed mind to God and told Him that I would open my mind to the idea of going to Las Vegas. All the while, Vince and Chuck were talking frequently about what things would look like if our family moved to Las Vegas. Vince wanted Chuck to come and intern at Verve and Chuck very much wanted the experience of helping to start a new church with Vince. As Chuck prayed, he felt peace about moving our family to Las Vegas. And I can't underestimate that peace because relocating a young family like ours across the country is a big deal.

In early October I went to Las Vegas for 6 days with an open mind and heart. I went with a few other girls and we visited with Jen, Vince's wife. She is one of my best friends and it was so good to see her. We talked at length about the closed doors in Michigan and how our time was over in Virginia. I told her I just wasn't sure what we should do. That particular night I asked God to speak to me through the shuffled music I was listening to on my iPod. The songs I heard spoke of a desert and the Valley of the Bones. I won't say that "God spoke to me" with those songs, but I definitely take them into consideration.

So, Chuck and I have decided (and believe me, it's after MUCH prayer) that we will go to Las Vegas for at least the next two years to help launch Verve Church. From there, we will go as God leads. If He asks us to go to Michigan, we are willing. If he sends us out on the mission field, we will be honored to go. If He asks us to stay in Vegas or go anywhere else, we stay or go as He leads.

After making this decision, we've had so much peace. And that is just crazy! We are 6 weeks out from relocating our family across the country to a new climate, a new home; new everything! And we feel peace about this decision. In fact, we feel excitement. And broken heartedness, too. There are a lot of hurting people in Las Vegas. "Anything goes" there and the things I've learned about what happens in Las Vegas and in Nevada in general just breaks my heart. My eyes have been opened to the sex slave industry. It is awful.

As a side note, I don't want to discount the hurting people in Michigan. It is really hard times there. Harder than most people in this country have experienced. You can't understand it until you've been there. I can't compare the hurting people in Las Vegas with the hurting people in southeast Michigan. Chuck's heart was truly broken last year for Michigan and it has been tough to acknowledge the closed doors there. On our last trip to Michigan Chuck was really encouraged to learn of a church 20 minutes away from where we wanted to start a church. He was unaware of this church up until recently and after meeting with the Lead Pastor there, he sees that there is a good church in the area that he can pray for and direct people to.

I haven't even begun to think about leaving all my friends here behind. I'm very focused on all the details that need to come together for our move, so I'm not really thinking about the things I'll leave behind. The familiarity of my favorite grocery store, mall, etc. We've lived in this area for over 7 years now and we've put down some serious roots. The friendships we've made are incredible and I tend to go into denial about leaving all of that behind. So, if I seem unemotional about leaving, please know that it's just a defense mechanism - I really do care!

Our family will, of course, be busy over the next 6 weeks, but not to busy to spend time with our friends here. We look forward to spending time with everyone we love before we go. Please don't think for a second that we are too busy to spend time with you.

So, there you have it! Vegas, here we come!!!

Red Rock Canyon, one of the most beautiful places I've ever been

Halloween!

2009-11-03T21:52:00.005-05:00

Samuel thoroughly enjoying his ice cream

Noah was more into the cookie

Chuck caught in the act of stealing a bite of corndog

Me and the boys after the hayride

The pirate loving trio

My poor attempt of getting a pic of the family

while on the hayride. Tristan got left out :(

I guess he'll be traing for a while

Happy doctor!

No pacifier!

Our pirates

Arrrg! Showing off their "hooks"

Chuck's pumpkin creation

The twins picked the dragon... it was not easy

Noah & Samuel jumped on the trampoline for a

loooooong time while Daddy carved the pumpkin

Pumpkin guts!

We were so excited for Halloween this year. Last year the boys had only been home for 8 weeks and were afraid of EVERYTHING. I am not exaggerating. We bought them pumpkin face orange shirts and called it good. We put them to bed at 7 and handed out candy to the few trick or treaters that came. Tristan was only 11 weeks old so he wore a Halloween sleeper and hung out with Chuck on the porch waiting for trick or treaters. I remember feeling very overwhelmed that night and wondering if we would ever get to a "normal" place.

Well, this year was TOTALLY different. The boys didn't really know exactly what was coming. They thoroughly enjoyed carving a pumpkin with Daddy in early October. We brought them to various stores to aquaint them with costumes and masks, etc. They were pretty freaked out by the scary costumes, but were okay with regular costumes. I was not a good planner, so I didn't get them costumes until the day before Halloween. And no, I didn't have them pick them out. I probably could have spent more time preparing them so that they could pick out a costume, but I think they will be able to do that next year and for years to come, so I'm not too ashamed that I picked their costumes for them. It's still a step up from last year!

So, I got the boys Pirate costumes. Chuck has made sure that they are into pirates. And recently a friend's son gave them a cool pirate ship hull that they love. Chuck was in his GLORY dressing them up as Pirates. He added bandana's to their costumes and we also had one eye patch and one pirate hat... but the boys weren't too into keeping those on.

Tristan had a few costume options - a bear or a doctor. Since it was so warm and muggy, we went with the doctor costume since it was lighter weight. We have toy doctor kits so he had some props, too.

We decided to go to a local church's Trunk or Treat. It ended up being a full-on harvest festival. Noah and Samuel were leery as we entered... they were just kind of taking in all the sights, sounds, and smells. We had only one freakout... Noah did not like the man-sized Yo Gabba Gabba character handing out candy from his trunk. Probably the neatest part of the night was a quick hayride. Chuck and I had never been on one!

After the festival we went for ice cream. We wanted to create a special Halloween tradition, and we decided on going for ice cream after. I know, it doesn't make much sense... but we wanted something special that no one else does. And since the ice cream shop was empty, I'm guessing we chose right!

I did not expect to have so much fun (remember, taking all three out to new experiences isn't always easy), but I really did have a blast. It was so fun to watch the boys have a new experience, all the while acting as pirates. Tristan was perfect - he just chilled in his stroller all night.

I'm sure next year will be even more fun!

A Good Place

2009-10-31T22:11:00.002-04:00

A number of times today I've been close to tears as I reflect on my sweet family. I tend to be a detail girl, so it's very hard for me to step back and see the bigger picture. Today as I stood washing dishes I was able to take a step back for a moment and realize just how blessed I am.

The truth is that most days I stay stuck in the details... the in-my-face details of daily living. It is not easy having three kids as young as we do, but I'm finding myself more and more comfortable as a mom. I have blogged about it before, but I spent the better part of a year terrified. Last year was just a really hard year on so many levels. Multiplying our family so quickly was not easy on me. In addition to that I had friends walk away, hard familiy situations, Chuck had minor surgery that required a long recovery, and the closing of the campus of our church that we helped start. I did not walk through all of that with amazing grace, but I did manage to get through it.

And now that I'm on the other side of that year, I realize that we were not in a good place for a while there. It took more time than I'd have thought to adjust to more than doubling our family. On top of that, the twins were terrified of everything. There were so many things that we couldn't do that other families were doing simply because our kids couldn't handle it. We had to stay cocooned for a while and that was hard. Some people understood that and some did not. I got tired of trying to explain it, so I stopped. My focus needs to be on my family, not on what other people think about our family. I've had a number of conversations that have helped me understand that not many people understood just how rough our adjustment was. Maybe I didn't realize how rough it was as I was going through it, but looking back - man, it was rough!

Today I realized that we are in a really good place. And that's kind of funny because we are in a time of dramatic change as we plan to pack up this party and relocate. Chuck and I are more comfortable as parents. Somedays we even know what we are doing :) Noah and Samuel are just blossoming more and more. They are speaking English fluently so communication is there. We know their triggers. We know when they are tired. Or hungry. Or thirsty. Or struggling with attachment. We just know them now and that makes such an impact. Freakouts are rare now. We can leave them with a babysitter! Tristan is at a hard age since he's into everything (and he's so dang tall that he can reach more and more things!), but I find this age easier than the newborn days because he was such a needy baby. Tristan continues to be a super snuggler. He melts my heart all the time. On the other hand, he is SUCH a stinker. He is definitely strong willed and we are encountering all kinds of fun (that's sarcastic) behaviors.

When Chuck has to leave early in the morning, I'm no longer afraid of getting through breakfast on my own. Getting out the door to go somewhere is no longer an ORDEAL. I can manage all three kids on my own out in public (but I still won't take them grocery shopping!). Meals are OK, even if it's just me and the boys. I just have a lot more confidence than I once did. And I'm caring less and less of what others think... something I have always struggled with and there is so much freedom and grace for myself in that. I'm learning to ask for help... what a gift! I've learned that no, I can't do it all. Even if I try to be supermom I still can't do it all. And today I'm okay with that. I have dealt with some HARD things and I'm okay. And I can't type another sentence without point to God and thanking Him for getting me to this place. Being in a good place is because I'm spiritually in a good place. And for me, that simply means I recognize my daily need for God's help.

So yeah, the Cason's are in a good place. This too shall pass, but I'm going to enjoy it while it's happening!

**And in case you are wondering, yes there are Halloween pictures. They will be posted soon.**

First Words

2009-10-15T10:52:00.002-04:00

So, Tristan has been saying Mama and Dada for a while now. He's 14 months old today and I realize some babies say a lot of words by this age and some don't. We have one that doesn't and we are not at all concerned. In addition to calling us by name, he also barks like a dog and teases us mercilessly. We are not concerned about this (or any, really) area of development.

Yesterday Tristan mimicked a word for the first time ever. If you don't really know Chuck, this won't mean as much to you. But for those of you who do know him, you'll probably laugh out loud. Tristan's first word (besides the obligatory Mama and Dada) is dude. Yes, DUDE. Dude happens to be one of Chuck's most-used words.

For the record, Tristan repeated it while playing with his brothers. He has a stuffed turtle that he loves. If you've seen Finding Nemo, you'll remember the turtle named Crush and how he and his son have a routine of knocking heads and saying, "Dude." When the boys brought Tristan his turtle they said, "Dude." And Tristan repeated it. I will admit, it sounded like, "boob." But I knew what he was saying.

So there you have it. Chuck's son's first real word is Dude. Lovely.

So much to say...

2009-10-14T09:51:00.003-04:00

... but the words aren't there yet.

I am still alive.

I realize it's been a while since I've posted.

It will be a while longer.

Happy Birthday, Noah and Samuel??

2009-09-27T20:27:00.005-04:00

Noah and Samuel on their third birthday.

Yesterday was an eventful day. We had two birthday parties to attend, one in the morning and one in the late afternoon. The boys have become very interested in birthdays over the last few months and after watching Tristan celebrate his 1st birthday, they really want it to be their birthday, too.

Last year when they turned three they had only been home for nine weeks and didn't understand what was going on on their birthday. We chose not to have a party because it would have been way to overwhelming for them. We had a quiet celebration at home, instead.

In addition to the normal birthday excitement, Grandma has promised the boys bikes for their birthdays... but there is a condition. They need to put ALL their peepee and poopoo in the toilet. They are at about 98% with that. I'm certain they will get the bikes!

Lately, out of the blue, the boys will say any of the following: "I need cake." Cake to them means birthday. Noah especially says this and he says it totally out of the blue. Whenever they see a lit candle at someone's house (I don't burn candles at home... way too scared one of the boys will get burned...) they begin to sing "Happy Birthday." They equate any type of lit candle with birthdays. I think that is hilarious! "Happy Birthday, Noah and Samuel??" They ask this question a lot. They are checking in to see if it is their turn yet. Somedays they just wake up thinking about their birthday. And they ask about it at bedtime, too. It didn't help that the other day Sesame Street had a birthday themed show!

I find it all very endearing. Yes, they want cake and presents and to be the center of attention... but they spent their first two birthdays in an orphanage (I did get to be with them on their first birthday, though) and came home with no comprehension of what a birthday was. Last year was just sad because they were so uninterested in the cake, balloons, etc. This year they are WAY excited and that makes me happy. They are being "regular little boys," and that does this mommy's heart well.

Yesterday at the a.m. birthday, their friend Brodie turned three. Most of his gifts were "Cars" related. The boys LOVE Cars. Samuel played while Brodie was opening presents, but Noah sat with me for a good portion of it and watched. And every few minutes he would turn to me and say, "I want Noah and Samuel birthday, too!" He wasn't bratty or whiny... just really wanting it to be his turn. We talked about how it was Brodie's turn and how one day soon it would be Noah and Samuel's turn.

The late afternoon birthday was for their friend down the street, Jaime. He also turned three. His party theme was Spiderman (who the boys love and called Ty-man when they first came home), but many of his gifts were Cars related. After he opened presents he invited all his friends to play with his new toys and Noah and Samuel were way excited to do that. Again, both boys expressed their desire for it to be "Noah and Samuel's birthday, too."

Tonight Chuck and I talked about what we will do for their birthday. We are going to be in MI toward the end of October, which is not too far from their birthday (11/09). We will probably do some kind of celebration with our family there. We were thinking of not doing a party here, but after watching them really enjoy being at other birthday parties, I want to give them the opportunity to be celebrated among their peers. So, now the big thought in my mind is what to do for their birthday. I'm totally hoping that our house is sold before their birthday, but then I also would love to have one last party here. Ah, what to do, what to do?? That's what I'll be thinking about for the next few days.

And I'm sure I won't forget to think about it since I'm sure they will be asking about their birthday! :)

Gotcha Day Pictures

2009-09-13T22:44:00.005-04:00

The boys had fun using chopsticks.

After seeing fire, for the rest of the

night Noah wanted to make the fire happen.

Amazingly, they loved the soup.

Samuel figured it out after we told him to drink it.

Samuel got a turtle visor and Noah got a fish visor.
Of course they were Crush and Nemo from Finding Nemo.

The boys were afraid at first, but LOVED the fountains.

Noah loved putting his head in the water.

Noah on the train.

Samuel was SO excited to be on the train.

Chillin' in the van.

For Gotcha Day, we took just Noah and Samuel out. Wow, two kids are easier than one! Tristan spent the day with some great friends and we are so thankful for their help.

We started our day at the zoo. We ate lunch there and then wandered around. The boys were interested in the animals, but were crazy excited about the train and water fountains.

After the zoo, we needed to burn some time before heading to dinner, so we went to the mall play area. Chuck and I enjoyed some Starbucks while the boys burned some energy.

For dinner, we took the boys to a Japanese steakhouse. We thought they would enjoy it and we were right. They were in awe and loved the food. They especially loved when food was tossed at them to catch in their mouths (and by the way, I was the only one at our table who succeeded in catching it!). And unfortunately, Chuck now tosses their vitamins like that. Such boys. All of them!

I can't believe Noah and Samuel have been home for over a year now. I have a lot of thoughts to share about Gotcha Day, but that will be another day.

A Prayer

2009-09-07T21:05:00.002-04:00

As we prepare to move to MI, and with how not well things are going with that, I often wonder if we are on the right path. Did we hear God correctly? Are we doing the right thing? If so, why hasn't our house sold? Why hasn't funding for the church plant been solidified? Why has our biggest supporter so far backed out? Why, why, why?

But really, it's not my place to ask why. In fact, when I tell my kids to do something and they ask, "Why" I am disturbed that they didn't just obey. I wonder if that's how God is feeling with me right now.

So, we continue to move forward, doing what we can, to start the church in Michigan.

And God seems to know exactly when I'm in need of encouragement. Tonight I ran across this prayer that I wrote on October 30th of last year:

Chuck keeps talking about starting a church in MI. Actually, he keeps talking about how broken his heart is for Southeast MI and last night he talked about planting a church there. So, right now I submit this to You, Lord. I really DO NOT want to go back to MI, but if that's Your plan I submit to it and ask You to make it very clear. Amen.

Tonight as I read that prayer and thought about whether God has made it clear, I could honestly say that He has. It hasn't been happy-clear. If I was making it clear I'd make it all happy and exciting type clarity. That's not what our clarity has looked like. For us, making it clear means that we have had many painful experiences over the last year that tell us our time here is coming to a close. We've experienced some hard stuff, but God has been faithful in my request to make it clear and for that I am grateful. And I'm so grateful that I wrote that prayer down because it encouraged me today.

Gotcha Day

2009-09-05T21:00:00.002-04:00

Well, the boys are in bed now and I'm wore out, but we had a magnificent first Gotcha Day!

Tristan spent the day with friends and we took the boys to the Zoo and to a Japanese steakhouse for dinner. We had a great time and took a bunch of pictures... but I'm way too tired tonight to download and post them. Sorry! I will definitely blog some thoughts and pictures sometime soon. In the meantime, just know that we had a great day, continue to be amazed by these two crazy little guys, and look forward to celebrating many more Gotcha Days!

Speaking of Terri...

2009-09-02T22:41:00.002-04:00

I've mentioned Terri in the last few posts and I've forgotten to mention something very important about her.

Her and her husband, Mike are in Ethiopia PICKING UP THEIR DAUGHTERS!!

Please say a prayer for them. They have their daughters and are just waiting to complete their Embassy Appointment before returning home this weekend.

We couldn't be more happy for this wonderful family. And we can't wait to meet the girls!

They will return home this Sunday, 9/6. That is exactly one year since we arrived home in Virginia with Noah and Samuel. I think that is neat!

And on this day last year...

2009-09-02T08:04:00.002-04:00

... we woke up very early to learn that our flight into Haiti was cancelled due to weather.

I tend to be pessimistic, but that morning when I saw the cancelled flight information on our hotel room TV, I really had hope that perhaps the status would change. We were watching the weather channel and the hurricane seemed to be north of Haiti. Of course, things didn't change and that hurricane did a loopty-loo right above Haiti. It was unbelievable to watch what happened with that storm on the very day we were to go pick up our boys.

My post from 9/2 last year can be read here.

On top of the cancelled flight, we had to deal with waiting three more days to depart. Terri was with us, and she had lots of work back home calling her name. She decided to fly back that night as planned and then fly back to Miami Thursday night so she could stay with Tristan on Friday. We are forever grateful to her! That morning she booked a rental car for us so we could travel to central Florida to stay with my Dad for a few days. She just, in general, took care of us and was a great source of encouragement during a really rough time.

By lunchtime we were on the road. We made a stop to visit the Rockstar's and then continued on to my Dad's house. We got there very late that night and introduced him to Tristan. While it was not our plan, it was so wonderful for Tristan to meet his Grandpa so early on. He was only 18 days old.

On this day one year ago...

2009-09-01T08:43:00.003-04:00

... me, Chuck, Tristan and Terri were on our way to Miami.

The plan was to fly to Miami on the 1st, stay the night, and then very early on 9/2 Chuck and I were to fly into Haiti to pick up the boys and return on the next flight while Terri stayed with Tristan in Miami.

If you've been reading for the last year, you know our plan didn't go well thanks to Hurricane Hanna, the only hurricane I've ever seen heading west actually turn and head east... while it was right on top of Haiti.

A lot has changed since this day last year! Our September 1, 2008 post can be read here.

Update on the Move to Michigan

2009-08-30T19:26:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I've wrote an update on our move to Michigan.

In three months time we went to Michigan 3 times. That is a lot of travel, especially with little people. The trips are especially taxing on us because we travel at night. Chuck usually drives all night and I'm getting better at sleeping in the van. The kids are pretty good about sleeping in the van, though they take nice long naps the next day. If Chuck needs to be in MI in the next 6-7 weeks, he will go by himself so that our kiddos can get back into a routine for a decent period of time.

Chuck has met with various people during our trips to MI to talk about and gather support for the church we will start. So far there are a lot of people excited about what we are doing, so that is encouraging.

What is not encouraging is financial support. Times are tough right now. A few years ago it would have been no problem to get financial backing from a few church planting organizations to get this church started. That's all changed now.

The model that we thought we would follow in starting this church is to raise financial support, move to the area, and then Chuck would draw a salary as he gets the church started (we need at least 6 months on the ground in MI before starting the church). Since financial support is not what we hoped it would be, we may have to do things differently. And that's okay if that's what God wants us to do.

So, Chuck has applied for a handful of government jobs in MI. As a disabled veteran, he does get some preference, so that's cool. Chuck has also applied for a few government positions in this area since we haven't sold our house yet. If Chuck gets a position in MI, he will work in that postition and work on getting the church started. He will be very busy, that's for sure. Starting a church is no small undertaking and I dread the idea of him doing that AND working a full time job. If Chuck gets a position here, we will wait on the sale of our home and then he will hopefully either have financial support for the church lined up or a job in MI lined up.

Our house. Well, it's been for sale for 4 weeks now. We have only had two people look at it in that time. Today I hosted an open house and only one person came. And that person was a neighbor. To say I'm discouraged would be an understatement. I am not generally a patient person. When God confirmed in my heart that we are to move to MI, I was ready to go then. I don't do limbo well. While I totally dread packing up and leaving all our friends behind, I just want to get it over with. Since we don't have financial support set up in MI and Chuck hasn't secured a job, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that our house hasn't sold yet. Waiting for God's perfect timing in all these details is not easy for me.

One of the tough things about selling our house is that we need to sell it For Sale By Owner. We moved into this house in November 2007, so we haven't been here 2 years yet. And we are in a bad market. Our hope is that we break even on selling this house. We talked to one of the top realtors in this area and she doesn't think we can sell it with an agent and break even. BUMMER. A lot of people are doing a "short sale," which basically means you ask the lender to take slightly less than what you owe on the house. A lot of people are currently doing this in this market in order to avoid foreclosure. When we spoke with the realtor, this idea was presented. A short sale does impact your credit, but it is not hard to overcome. For us, this is just not an option. As I mentioned earlier, Chuck is a disabled veteran. Our home was purchased with the VA (veteran's affairs) Loan, and because Chuck is a disabled veteran, we don't pay their funding fee, which is a lot like an origination fee. So basically, the VA Loan means very minimal closing costs on a mortgage for us. And we get to use that each time we buy a home (as long as we sell the last one). If we short sell this house, we completely lose the VA benefit. Forever. Aside from selling this house, our only other option is to rent it. Between renting it for slightly less than our mortgage payment and paying a property manager, we would be renting out our house at a $150-$200 loss monthly. Not cool. We need to sell it!

I recently had the opportunity to speak with someone who has family moving away to help start a church. While she was kind about it all, I could tell that her family didn't have her full support in their move. And that made me realize just how important that support is. As we prepare to relocate to do what God has called us to do, it is so comforting to know that we have people supporting us. And I don't mean financially. What I'm talking about is just having people who believe in us... even when we don't really believe in ourselves. Church planting is not easy stuff. I'm thankful for the many people who stand beside us as we get ready to do this.

Something that has been really hard with announcing that we are moving sometime soon is that some people treat us like we are already gone. I don't think they mean us any harm. We've had a number of situations where people make comments about us leaving so why include us, etc. We have a few friends who haven't pushed us away and that's been great. Having friends we can turn to during this crazy time is comforting.

A popular, yet untrue belief about following God is that "if it's from God, it will be easy." That is not my experience at all I don't believe that's true for one second. Adopting Noah and Samuel was God's plan for our family, yet it was incredibly hard. Some of the best thing's God asks us to do are HARD.

Walking!

2009-08-26T08:37:00.003-04:00

Tristan has been working on walking for well over a month now. He's been taking 2 or 3 steps and falling for a while now.

Lately he's been taking more steps together. He will take like 6 or 7 steps, but they are so tiny that he doesn't make it very far. But he is walking! Sometimes he looks drunk and sometimes he looks really stiff. And he's so proud of himself when he does it. As soon as we clap for him or call him to us, he plops down and fast crawls over. I guess he's still more comfortable with crawling.

I've been told my life will never be the same once this little guy is walking. Is it possible that I will be more tired than I already am??!!

While writing this post Tristan walked about 15 steps (he took a standing still break midway)! I think he is getting even closer to the real-deal walking!

I'm Calling It!

2009-08-24T22:26:00.002-04:00

I might regret this tomorrow, but...

I do believe...

Noah and Samuel are potty trained!!!!!

They wore underwear all day today with no accidents. That would include a 2+ hour nap. I woke them up and had them both go to the bathroom because I was too afraid to let them sleep any longer for fear of wet beds.

We are SO proud of them!!

And it only took until they were 3 years, 9 months, and 15 days. But whose counting, right??!! (And for the record we are totally fine with it taking this long considering all they have encountered in their little lives.) Oh, and they aren't nighttime potty trained yet. And that's okay. I mean, they sleep for 12ish hours. I can't wait that long!

Happy dancing!!

Snuggler

2009-08-22T21:50:00.004-04:00

Late January, 2009

It surprised me today when I realized that I've never blogged about what a snuggler Tristan is. He's been that way since birth and I don't think I've ever mentioned it. Weird.

So, yeah, he's a snuggly little guy. He has always liked to be held. Even still, he will take a break from crawling around and playing to spend some time in the arms of me or Chuck.

When Tristan was an infant, he demanded to be held. He has a super flat head (still! but don't worry the Dr. has been watching it), but it is not from being left laying on the back of his head! In fact, when I'd talk about it with people (you know, cuz I was worried about it) I'd always share that we definitely hold him.

Something that has soothed him while upset right from the beginning is to cup his face with the palm of my hand. He nuzzles into it and calms down, usually. And, while holding him, if you put your face against his, he will nuzzle in hard. He likes to snuggle on our shoulders, too. And he naps best in our arms. 6o minutes is about tops for sleeping in his crib for a nap, but he'll snooze for 2 hours if we sit and hold him. It doesn't happen often, though!

I guess the strange part for me is that I'm not a snuggler. I'm more of a "Don't touch me!" kind of gal. You can ask Chuck about that. We bought a king size bed a year and a half ago and one of the things I love is that I don't touch anyone while sleeping!

But, I love to snuggle Tristan. I just can't resist those little baby nuzzles. And even weirder... he's a really sweaty baby. When he sleeps his head gets soaked in perspiration. And I'll still snuggle his sweaty little head... even let him rub it on my skin (so gross!).

I guess it's a mother's love thing. And I love it!

In the Thick of It

2009-08-21T21:25:00.002-04:00

Noah on the left, Samuel on the right

Potty training, that is!

Beware, lots of poop and pee talk ahead.

A number of wise parents told me early on that I shouldn't try to potty train the boys until they were "ready." They told me it would be futile to even try if they weren't interested.

Honestly, the boys may have been potty trained when they came home. They were handed to us with diapers on and ginormous underwear on top. We weren't told if they were potty trained or not. In the hotel in Miami, Noah tried to pee in the bathtub and Chuck quickly moved him to the toilet. After that he wanted nothing to do with peeing in the toilet.

And to be even more honest, I don't think I was ready to potty train them. Tristan was a very needy infant. He was held much of the time so that he wouldn't scream and he was exclusively breastfed for nine months. So, I knew that I couldn't be running to the potty with TWINS throughout the day.

About 6 or so weeks ago, Noah began pooping on the potty, but not peeing. We were excited. He was excited. For every trip to the potty he got 3 Skittles and a "Rusty Diaper." (A Rusty Diaper is a Lightning McQueen Pullup. The boys call him Rusty.) And when he began peeing in the potty, the Pullups turned into underwear. He was so proud of himself, and so were we! We quickly learned that if we put shorts on over the underwear, we were sure to have an accident. The underwear by themselves seemed to keep him aware of peeing on the potty. So, he was "sort of" potty trained.

During this time, all Samuel wanted in life was a Rusty Diaper. He would nearly cry for one. He wanted candy, too, but the Rusty Diaper was his true desire. When Noah moved into underwear (and yes, they were Cars underwear!), Samuel was beside himself with envy. And we were glad about it. We went through a few weeks of Samuel coming to me and telling me he wanted to poop on the potty, but it was already in his diaper. Bad timing. Then, 2 weeks ago on the way home from church he told Chuck he wanted "to go poopoo on the potty." They were about 15 minutes from home and Chuck asked him if he could wait (all the while feeling very bummed that we were missing an opportunity with Samuel). Well, when they got home, Samuel pooped on the potty. And he has only pooped in his diaper once at night since. And, to make it all the better, Samuel immediately started peeing on the potty as well. He has maybe had one or two accidents since! He wakes up from naps dry. It just really clicked for him and we are so happy for him.

Last week we were in MI. Samuel did great with potty training while there. Noah, not so much. He really seemed to regress while there. I think there were three major factors to his regression: 1) His routine was altered since we were out of town and staying with family. 2) He was no longer the only one getting all the praise. Samuel was now sharing the spotlight (and the toilet!). 3) I think some of it is defiance. Noah has a tendency toward defiance and I think we have some (definitely not all) of that going on.

But, the good news is.... we are getting there!! I'm quite grossed out by a lot of potty training stuff, but we are slowly saying goodbye to diapers. Yay!!

Birthday Boy!

2009-08-15T11:10:00.004-04:00

One year ago today.

This morning

Such a smily little guy!

It is so hard for me to believe that Tristan is a year old today. I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone by!

Tristan is such a fun little guy. He is H-A-P-P-Y most of the time. But when he is not, he IS NOT.

While having Tristan was indeed planned, the timing of the arrival of all three of our kids nearly at once was not. I questioned God on that for quite some time. It was HARD. Really hard. We operated in survival mode for months. Looking back on it, I don't know how I held it together. In the last few months, Chuck and I have acquired some hindsight. We have realized that having Tristan at the same time as the arrival of Noah and Samuel actually brought us some peace.

Noah and Samuel had a pretty good transition, but it was still hard. They were so afraid of everything when they came home. They freaked out a lot. Their diapers were horrible and we were terrified that Tristan would catch giardia from them. Not to mention, we were first time parents. We had no idea what we were doing. We were scared.

At the end of a long day, after the twins were in bed, we would hold Tristan and experience peace. There is just something so calming about holding an infant. And still today, there is something very calming about holding this 21 1/2 lb baby boy.

Tristan definitely says Mama and Dada and mimics other words. He is not quite walking... he seems to like holding on to furniture as he walks and runs along. He gets right in the mix and plays with the big boys. Just recently Noah and Samuel have become a little less gentle with him and I think it's because they don't view him as a baby anymore. Tristan is transitioning well to table food and is down to nursing just before bed now. I have slowly been weaning him from breastfeeding for about a month and a half and he would not drink formula, so he is drinking whole milk. (I know, I know, he shouldn't have had milk before a year old, but he just wouldn't drink the formula.) He has five teeth and #6 is so close to breaking through that I had to check before I typed five. He still fits in some of his 12 month clothing, but is more comfortably fitting in 18 month clothing now (though pants are a little long).

Tristan has never been a good napper. His morning nap is usually only 30 minutes long and his afternoon nap is considered long if he makes it 60 minutes. He goes to bed between 7:30 and 8 and is up at 5:30, much to our dismay. We give him milk at about 6 and he will go back to sleep for a little while some days after drinking his milk.

A recent nickname we've given Tristan is "T-Bird." When Tristan screams, he sounds like a pterodactyl. In learning about pterodactyls I found that they belong to the bird family; they are not considered dinosaurs.

Tristan's little personality just keeps emerging. He's pretty strong willed. He wants what he wants... when he wants it. Yes, he is my son. He's also pretty funny. He has taken his stinker face to a whole new level. He now will do the stinker face and then laugh... like he's just kidding. While typing this post he added an eye roll to the stinker face when my sister told him to take a car out of his mouth. Oh my.

Tomorrow we will have a family birthday party for Tristan. We are grateful to be able to celebrate this day with family here in MI. Even my Dad is here, visiting from Florida.

I just love this little guy to pieces. He keeps me on my toes and deprives me of sleep and rattles my brain with his screeching, but it's all worth it. When he's snuggled up in my arms or flashing me a baby grin or sleeping peacefully in his crib I know without a doubt that I have been blessed beyond measure.

Happy Birthday, baby boy!

Stinker Face

2009-08-06T20:20:00.003-04:00

It all began about four weeks ago. I should have known where we were heading when Tristan reduced his two older brothers to tears in a few minutes.

Tristan has become, ummmm, challenging in the last month. He has taken the idea of exerting his will to a new level and multiplied it.

I think becoming more and more mobile is adding to it. He is hearing the word no a lot more than ever. I try to distract him with another option, but this little guy will not be fooled. He wants what he wants.

The dishwasher is of particular interest to Tristan. I have to sneakily load and unload it. I used to let him play at the dishwasher, but that went out the window when he grabbed a knife last week. And it wasn't a butter knife.

There are a lot of things that bring out the "Stinker Face." One of the things that brings it out is his bib. He hates bibs; has hated them since he was a newborn. And since he's been primarily breastfed, he hasn't had to deal with them too often. He's not exceptionally drooly (unlike myself) so he doesn't have to wear them all the time like some of his little friends. We mainly bust them out at meals. And he hates them.

I must add that the Stinker Face is accompanied by high pitched screaming. This is a vocal kid. Always has been. And he's loud. Like rattle your brain loud. God is funny like that. He gave me three kids at once, 2 with a language barrier and h-o-r-r-i-d giardia, who were afraid of all things and wouldn't eat almost anything, and a screaming banshee for a baby. It is really something else that I haven't completely lost it. But I'm getting off track.

Enjoy the Stinker Face.

Trying to remove the bib. He usually succeeds.

Mommy tells him, "No."

Winding up. It looks like a smile, but it is not.
No, it is not. That, my blog friends, is a baby smirk.

The Stinker Face. Eyebrows furrowed. Angry eyes.

Nose scrunched up. Lips pursed. This is accompanied

by huffing and puffing through the nostrils with

intermittent screams. You will notice the moving

hands. They beat up and down. Unfortunately he

has his head bowed, so you don't get the full effect.

It is truly something else.

Some pictures

2009-08-06T16:24:00.002-04:00

Three little boys all looking in the direction of

the camera... too bad they aren't smiling...

A man's best friend

Tristan at the beach on Mother's Day

Noah and Samuel at the beach on Mother's Day

Noah and Samuel's first icecream cones.

This is nothing compared to when it was all gone!

Noah nursing Samuel :)

First time in the sand at the beach

Tristan was hot like mommy

Tristan thoroughly enjoys his biter biscuits!

One year ago today...

2009-08-06T10:52:00.002-04:00

... I woke up bright an early hoping to find an email from Haiti for Noah and Samuel's visa appointment - the very last step in our grueling process.

I was dissappointed. The email was not there. When I had spoke with the women in Haiti the day before she told me she would email me with a confirmation of our appointment.

I checked my email a few more times. And then a few more times.

And then, shockingly, the email was there. I was in utter disbelief. I began to shake. And then to cry. Chuck and my mom were here. It was surreal.

And, on top of it all, it was my due date for Tristan. Of course, he didn't arrive until nine long days later.

So much has changed in a year!

In the last few days...

2009-08-05T15:35:00.002-04:00

... Tristan has started dancing.

It is so cute.

If he is standing, he bounces at his knees. His arms move up and down.

If he is sitting, his arms move up and down and he sort of bounces and is all smiles.

Today I learned that I can stop him in his tracks (only for a few seconds) by singing the ABC's because he has to stop so he can dance. This is good if I can't get to him quick enough. Buys me a little time. Because he is ALWAYS getting into stuff.

An Overdue Update

2009-08-03T22:07:00.002-04:00

Wow, time flies when you are super busy!

It has been crazy around here as we have worked to get our home ready to sell. Lots of little projects add up to hours and hours of work. We just do what we can when we can. It's not all done, but I guess it never really is. We had a lengthy painting job done as well as some flooring work completed. For those jobs we took a trip to Michigan. Chuck was able to meet up with some people regarding the church and I got to stay on high alert in my sister's home with the kids for a week. It was great to be with family (and experience cooler weather), but it was exhausting keeping the boys out of trouble in my sister's home. I came to love naptime even more than I once did!

Finally, just yesterday, we put our home up for sale. Because we have only lived here 21 months, we have to do For Sale By Owner. Luckily we have some friends who know a lot about real estate and marketing. We are hopeful that we will stand out among other FSBO houses. And really, it's all in God's hands. We will do our best to market our home and leave the rest to Him. If you'd like a link to our Craig's List listing or to a Blog we've created full of pictures and information, please email me at julicason@yahoo.com.

Fundraising for the new church seems to be full of closed doors. The economy is in the crapper and the funding prospects aren't good. If I look at the big picture of everything it is easy to say, "Maybe we aren't supposed to do this." But, the truth is, I know we are. I know with all my heart that we are supposed to move to Michigan and start a church. I don't know where the money will come from, but I know God has called us and so we go. Our faith is being tested. Some days I fail. Some days I don't.

Emotionally I'm just all over the place. Added to the stress of selling our home and relocating are a couple of big milestones. As Tristan's first birthday approaches along with the upcoming first Gotcha Day for Noah and Samuel, I'm an emotional wreck. I want to bawl my eyes out thinking about Tristan turning one. Where did my little baby go? How has this happened so fast?

Thinking about the twins gets me even more worked up. I think about where we were at nearly a year ago and where we are at today. WOW. God has been so graceful to our family in this last year as Noah and Samuel (and us!) have adjusted. When I think about how things were early on and where we are at today, my eyes well up with such gratitude. These boys are THRIVING. Seriously. We deal with some minor issues, but in the grand realm of adoption/bonding/attachment we are doing so well. Some kids come home with serious issues. We doubled our chances for that by adopting two children. My heart is so thankful for how these boys are blossoming. They are such a joy (and A LOT of work!).

I have a dry erase calendar that is still stuck on August 2008. For the first few months after all the kids arrived, I just didn't even think about updating it. But as time wore on, I couldn't bring myself to do it. When I put that month together last year on the dry erase board, I was so full of anticipation. We knew the twins would be home soon, finally. We had waited so long for them. We had begun our adoption process 33 months before. And with Tristan, we knew we would have a baby before the month was over. We had no idea what was about to happen to our little world as we knew it. Yes, we were scared, but the pure joy and excitement of it all was just all-encompassing. We were so naive! Thankfully we had a host of family and friends committed to praying for us and that carried us through, I'm sure.

We are so thankful to all our family and friends who are praying for us during this time. Going through all of this would be unfathomable without that kind of support, so thank you! Please keep praying for us, and if you'd like specifics, please send me an email at julicason@yahoo.com.

Untitled

2009-07-22T16:45:00.002-04:00

It took over 10 months, but it finally happened.

Today, while walking to the park someone yelled something out their car window in regard to the boys' skin color.

I have never experienced the kind of fury that I felt in that moment. I want to protect them from such things and today I learned in an instant that I cannot.

I feel angry and sick over it. I have no words and yet I want to scream all sorts of things at the top of my lungs.

How is this still happening in our country? How does anyone find this acceptable? Will the ignorance ever end?

First Step

2009-07-22T09:32:00.002-04:00

Tristan has been on the verge of walking for over a week now. He is cruising all over the place and can stand on his own for a decent amount of time. Up until last night, he wouldn't try to take a step. Instead he'd plop down and crawl.

Well, last night he got brave and me, Chuck, and Aunt Christi all got to watch him take his first un-aided step. We all cheered and he was pretty proud of himself.

In no time he will be walking all over the place.

It is just crazy how time flies.

Father

2009-07-17T21:32:00.002-04:00

So, today I had a funny conversation with Noah and Samuel.

I was in the kitchen making dinner and putting away groceries (that were bought yesterday... yes that's how I roll these days...). When I was putting away the Bisquick, Samuel asked for pancakes. I told him that we'd maybe have pancakes tomorrow, but that is was up to their father (Chuck is in charge of breakfast around here).

Then, I realized that we don't use the word, "father" and I wondered if they knew what it meant. So I said, "Who's your father?"

And without any hesitation both boys said, "Nemo."

I asked later on and got the same answer.

Ha-larious.

The Bully

2009-07-16T21:26:00.002-04:00

Yesterday Tristan attacked Samuel.

Samuel has nearly 3 years and 15 pounds on Tristan, but he was reduced to tears.

Tristan had a toy in his hand that belonged to Samuel. Samuel took the toy from Tristan. Tristan retaliated (he is really learning how to master a temper tantrum lately). His retaliation was to hit Samuel with his hand in a claw like position. His unkempt nails added to Samuel's injury, I'm sure.

All the while Tristan was screaming at the top of his lungs. And that is loud. I'm not sure I've ever blogged about how very loud he is, but he holds a record in the nursery at the hospital he was born at. And we have friends who will tell you he's the loudest baby they've ever heard. I mean, really, I wish we were breaking some other type of record but nooooo. We get the screaming banshee baby record.

Tristan's screaming was so loud that Noah began to cry. Noah was on edge from a recent time out, but still. In a matter of seconds 11 month old Tristan reduced his twin older brothers to tears.

I think we might have a bully on our hands.

A Good Cause

2009-07-15T22:40:00.003-04:00

I think it's hard to find good causes to support. It just seems that so many charities out there put way too much money into the comfort of those employed by the charity.

I find this problem magnified in Haiti. For example, I've read about the SUV's that UNICEF employees ride around in. I wonder how many hungry kids could be fed if 50K weren't spent on an SUV. And in Haiti, corruption is so prevalent and that makes finding a reputable charity even harder.

In 2004 I went on a mission trip to Haiti that changed my life. When I flew back to the US 5 years ago, I left my heart behind. In those 5 years I've become familiar with a lot of work being done in Haiti; though certainly not all of it. It's not my plan to share with you the organizations I wouldn't support (other than UNICEF, that is). Believe me, I have a list of them. But I would like to highlight a cause that's worth supporting.

I began reading the Livesay [Haiti] Weblog early on in our adoption wait. They are a family from Minnesota serving in Haiti. I just love that family! They are funny and sarcastic - totally things I love. They share who they really are and what it's like to minister in Haiti. I always look forward to reading their posts.

Recently Tara Livesay decided to run a marathon to raise money for hungry kids in Haiti. There is a product available called Medika Mamba that is helping to nurse starving children back to health. Tara is trying to raise $26,000 for hungry kids who will benefit from Medika Mamba.

While I was extremely moved by her posts about a little starving boy named Renald, I must admit that I didn't donate right away. You see, we live off of a tight budget... especially now that we have three kiddos. And our future economic situation is quite shaky as we transition to ministry in MI. But tonight I just had to say, "Screw the budget!" and give. I know how desperate the situation in Haiti is. I've seen it with my own eyes. The starving children are everywhere. My kids could have ended up among them. If we run out of diapers or have to eat Ramen Noodles, we will be okay. It will be worth it to know we are helping to save little lives.

So, tonight I'm linking over to the Livesay Blog. I ask that you read about their fundraiser and prayerfully consider giving to it. Read the posts about Renald. Look at him. Don't avert your eyes.

Let the reality of his little life seep into your soul. And know that there are THOUSANDS just like him.

PJ's

2009-07-06T14:31:00.002-04:00

Truth be told, sometimes we don't make it out of our pj's around here.

Most days most of us do.

The person who seems to chill in pj's the most is Tristan. Some days it just seems silly to change him into an outfit when I know we aren't going anywhere and that he'll probably just have a blowout and mess up the outfit anyway. Or, if I know I'm going to bathe him later in the day, I don't want to put him in clean clothes before his bath.

You get the picture. The kid where's his pj's a lot. And I never thought it bothered him.

Until today.

As I finished up my shower this morning, Chuck came in with a funny story. It seems Tristan pulled off his pj bottoms (he has never done that before) and flung them out of the pack n play.

I think it was his way of letting us know that today isn't a pj day.

And for the record... he needs a bath and he had a diaper blowout in his cute little outfit!

It's All Him

2009-07-01T08:46:00.002-04:00

Yesterday morning Chuck and I took the twins to be assessed by our school district to see if they qualify for any special services. We didn't have any serious concerns; the boys are very smart. But, given that they spent 32 months in an institution, we wanted to make sure that we didn't miss any opportunities that they may be eligible for.

We were really impressed by the two ladies who assessed the boys. They obviously love their work and children. They just got down on the boys' level and played with them. We learned a lot in general, and in particular we learned a lot about some of Samuel's behaviors. The nurse used the phrase, "low tolerance for frustration" to describe some of what we are dealing with. So true! (In fact, I think I have that too.) He also has some sensory issues that we will keep our eye on - nothing serious, but definitely there.

They were just so impressed with the boys. In terms of size, they are slender, but tall. They believe the boys were probably premature (as have we... most twin pregnancies don't go 40 weeks in this country, let alone a third world country). They were amazed by their language. We have been concerned about language, but they had no concerns. They are articulating well. They know a tremendous amount of words, especially when you take into consideration that they've only been exposed to English for 10 months. There are absolutely no cognitive concerns. When shown a skill, the boys picked it up quickly.

I really thought we'd be referred to a preschool program. There are programs available... but thankfully our boys don't qualify. They are not behind! And all I can say is that God is so good. I can't take any credit. There is so much more I could have been doing with them, and yet still they are on target. At only 10 months home. It's all Him. I've had lots of situations in life where I could say that God was at work, but so was I. This is so clearly His work. And I'm SO thankful for it.

Announcement

2009-06-24T21:41:00.003-04:00

Well, it's official news now. The Cason family is moving to Michigan!

Some of you know this and have been praying for us as this whole thing has come together. We can't thank you enough and ask that you please keep praying.

For others, this may come as a bit of a shock. Especially since you probably know how we feel about the State of Michigan. I never in a million years thought I'd be heading back. But I am. And amazingly... I'm excited about it.

I'm excited about it because God has orchestrated this whole thing and I want to do what He wants our family to do. So, for that, I'm excited. I'm also glad to be close to family again. The whole three-kid-thing makes living close to family very attractive.

As I've thought about writing this post I've realized that who I was when I left Michigan and who I am now are two very different Juli's. So I want to write about that a little because it's actually a big part of why we are going back.

Up until I was 22 I drank. A lot. I partied as often as I could. I literally drank myself out of college. I drove my car drunk all.the.time. I was an awful daughter, sister, friend, and coworker. I was completely self-absorbed and emotionally and spiritually sick. In February of 99 I was arrested for drunk driving and that began a new path for me. I realized that I was drinking alcoholicly and made the decision to get some help. And getting help led me to God. And God totally met me right where I was at and put people in my path who could help me get to know Him.

In 2001 I became a Christian. Now, up until that point I would have told you I was Catholic. However, I didn't practice Catholocism. In fact, I never went to church - not even on the holidays anymore. I also realized that year that I knew nothing of having a daily relationship with God. Nothing. I learned that God loved me - just as I am - and wanted me to follow Him. So, I made the decision to try to do that. And so did Chuck. And so began our spiritual journey together.

At that time, Chuck was in the Coast Guard. Our life was not all roses as soon as we began to follow Jesus. We had a lot of past baggage to work through, both individually and together. We spent countless hours in marriage counseling, literally battling for our marriage. We were jacked and without God and some very Godly wisdom, we would not be together today, no doubt.

In 2002 we moved to Virginia Beach and were introduced to Forefront Church. We began attending and deepened our relationship with each other and with God. In 2004 I went to work for Forefront as an administrative assistant and began to understand why Forefront did things so differently than other churches. Forefront exists to reach people really far from God. Not people who know God already. Not people who might like to know more about God. Forefront reaches out to people who want nothing to do with church, people who don't like church. Once I gained this understanding, I came to really love our church and the mission of the church.

In 2007 Chuck was medically retired from the Coast Guard due to a back injury that led to surgery. And at that time Chuck went to work for Forefront to be the Campus Pastor of a new campus of our church. Chuck and I were so excited to extend Forefront further out in our area. The campus opened in October of 2007.

The following month we learned I was pregnant, while waiting for our twin sons to come home from Haiti. We had begun their adoption in 2006 and were unsure at that time if the adoption would complete. As the pregnancy progressed, so did our adoption, and our boys were ready to come home two days before Tristan was born on August 15th. Three weeks after Tristan was born, we hopped on a plane to Haiti and picked up Noah and Samuel who were nearly three years old. We had committed to adopt them when they were just 10 weeks old. Our family exploded in just three short weeks.

We've been parents for 10 months now and WOW is it hard! I realize that we were introduced to parenthood quite differenly than most, but we are just doing the best we can one day at a time. God's grace has been shown to us so clearly these past 10 months!

This past Sunday our campus of Forefront was closed so that we can all meet at one location in Virginia Beach. Heartbroken is a mild word for what Chuck and I are feeling about that. Our prayer is that everyone who can will join us at the Virginia Beach location, but we realize that some will not. I'd like to ask that you pray right now that they find a church where they can get to know Jesus. (Thanks for praying!)

One of the many factors of the closing of the Chesapeake Campus has to do with where God is leading our family. In October Chuck was asked to speak at a retreat in Michigan. Michigan has been hit really hard by the failing automotive industry. Unless you have a deep understanding of how the automotive industry has fed Michigan for years or have been there recently to see the devastation, you just can't comprehend the depression that is going on there. To give a brief example of the pull of that industry, when I was in high school anyone who had a family member who worked for the auto industry was encouraged to go work in the factories instead of going to college. People are disillusioned and hurting by the collapse of the auto industry. They are losing their homes, their belongings, and their dignity. And for many of them, they have absolutely no hope in God. Michigan is predominantly Catholic, though most people from my generation don't practice Catholocism. Many of them are like me - they would tell you they are Catholic, but they have no tie to the Catholic Church. Well, as Chuck was researching the area and getting to know who he'd be speaking to, God just completely broke his heart for Michigan, particularily Southeast Michigan. He couldn't stop talking about it and it was all he thought about. He went there and the people he spoke to were hungry for the passion he had for reaching lost people. They want to be challenged. They want to turn the world upside down.

Chuck kept talking about Michigan and how he felt God was asking him to start a church there. It made perfect sense to me. You see, when my life began to change for the better, Chuck was relocated to Virginia and North Carolina. And I kind of just ran away from Michigan. I was glad to be leaving because I didn't like who I had been there. So, the fact that God is asking me to return doesn't surprise me. Perhaps going back will be God's way of giving someone else hope. I don't know. I just know that it feels right that God is asking us to return.

When Chuck first began talking about starting a church in Michigan I looked at him like he had 5 heads. Chuck is from Southern California. He is a surfer and total lover of the ocean. He HATES snow and all things cold. In fact, because his spine is fused, cold weather is painful for him. So, for Chuck to be talking about moving to Michigan... well, there's just no doubt in my mind that it's from God.

So, here's the deal. We are moving to Southeast Michigan to start a church for people who don't like church. We want to reach out to people in our age-range who have given up on church, but not on God. And even if they've given up on God, we're hoping that we can share some hope with them that maybe, just maybe God is worth a second chance. My eyes tear up just thinking about it because there just aren't churches like that in the area we are looking at. Yes, there are some very good Christian churches there, but they aren't completely focused on reaching out to people who don't want to be reached.

Almost everyone immediately asks us, "When?" And the answer is that we're not sure yet. We have a house to sell - that we just bought 19 months ago - in a depressed economy. We're not even sure if we can use a real estate agent because we're just hoping to break even. Before we can sell the house we have a number of small projects to complete... projects that are not easy to manage with three little kids under foot. We need prayer and help. If you sense God leading you to help us out with advice on how to sell this place or with projects, please email me at (julicason@yahoo.com).

If you are reading this and you haven't talked to me in years you may be wondering, "What the heck happened to Juli?!" And I just want to tell you that I'm still me. I may not do some of the things I used to do, but I'm totally open to talk - about anything. Just because my husband is a pastor and we're starting a church doesn't mean I'm going to try to shove Jesus down your throat. I promise. I'm having great time reconnecting with many people on Facebook and it's my hope that this announcement doesn't scare people off.

I would ask those of you who pray to please pray for us. The excitement of following God is paired with the heartbreak of the closing of the Chesapeake Campus. Just as we are adjusting to our crazy new life of being a family of 5 instead of two, we are now going to have to pack this party up and relocate. We are overwhelmed with the weight of all we have to do in the months to come. Just getting regular household chores done is a stretch for us these days. I'm not sure how we are going to keep our house ready to show at a moments notice and then pack it all up. And I'm not even ready to start looking for homes in Michigan.

All that said, I must say that God is good in all these things. And today my hope rests in Him and His power, not my own. He will be our strength through this. I know He's got it all figured out already. He has since the beginning of time, afterall. I will keep you updated on our progress and how to best pray for us.

Thanks for being there for us.

Love,
Juli

Transparent - The Ugly

2009-06-13T21:43:00.003-04:00

I'm sure I've shared on here before that I'm selfish. I believe selfishness is something we all struggle with to some degree, but for me, well it's just a higher degree.

Becoming a mom has challenged my selfishness in countless ways. Losing the freedom to go and do whatever I want whenever I want has been hard. And sleep... I miss my dear friend sleep! But something that I haven't blogged about yet is how the kids "ruin" going places.

I'll explain. There are some places that we go that are miserable because of how the kids behave. Church is currently one of those places. There are a lot of particulars that I'm not comfortable sharing publicly regarding church, but simply put, one of my kids is terrified there. Even if I'm with him. (I'm not looking for suggestions... not because I don't care... but because the situation is so complex and I'd need to share stuff I'm not comfortable sharing in order to get good feedback. Please take no offence.)

Each week I comfort my son and hold him and sing to him, etc. A special area has been created just for us. Some weeks I just bring the twins into the adult service because he's over-the-top freaking out even with me right there with him, assuring him I'm not going anywhere.

But, I have to admit... sometimes I'm just so over it. I'd like to be able to go to church without all the hysterics just once. I don't mind that I stay in children's ministry... I just wish it didn't turn into such an ordeal every.single.week. (Deep breath!)

Today we had another such situation. The same kid is afraid of thunder. Over-the-top afraid. Well, we were on our way to an adoption support group picnic when the rain began. The thunder began as we pulled up. Chuck decided that he would be the one to hold him while I took care of the other two. Chuck tried holding him on the screened porch for a while, and eventually went inside. He never calmed down for long. And the storm just kept on. I need to pause here and share that I had SO BEEN LOOKING FORWARD to this picnic. These are families that I love. We share likeness of mind when it comes to orphans and adoptions. We've watched their families grow through adoption. They were such a support to us through our long process. So, when Chuck told me that we should go I was just plain pissed off. Yes, I was concerned for my son. I know he was truly afraid. But I was selfishly angry, too. I did not want to leave. I found myself resentful when he was all giggles in the van (and I was sickened that my resentfulness was overpowering being relieved that he wasn't scared anymore). It's the ugly truth about me today. I was just over it.

I need to share that Chuck gives me all kinds of opportunities to have time for myself. I get out of the house at least three times a week by myself. In fact, Chuck wanted to take the kids home and send me back to the picnic today. He is just awesome like that. But I've been realizing lately that everytime I'm away I'm feeling totally guilty for being away. Even when I go grocery shopping I feel this way! And I'm sure that guilt just feeds the resentment that I was feeling earlier today when we had to leave the picnic.

I'm not sure what has possessed me to put this out there like this, but it's the truth. And I want this blog to be something I can look back on and remember, hopefully, how it really was. And hopefully I'll grow up a little between now and then.

Still Here

2009-06-11T19:42:00.002-04:00

I'm still here. Blogging takes two things I don't have much of lately: time and energy.

I'm not a fast blogger. It takes me a while to type out a post, so unless I have a good stretch of time (and energy to stay awake!), I don't even try.

Facebook is much more my speed. A one line status report works better for me. So, I thought I'd share a few and maybe give a little background.

Juli doesn't think two hour naps are worth the night we had last night.
~Tristan took a marathon nap yesterday afternoon. I was thrilled. The kid usually naps for 40 minutes tops. Last night, however, was miserable. He was up repeatedly and stayed up from about 6:30 on.

Juli hates mosquitoes with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength.
~Mosquitoes LOVE me. I usually scrath a mosquito bite until it bleeds. Poor Tristan got 6 mosquito bites in 30 minutes yesterday in our backyard. It's one thing if the little devils mess with me, but when they mess with my baby, I get angry!

Juli may need to come up with a new plan for eradicating grey hairs. My current plan (rip the suckers out) just may leave me bald soon.
~Ummm enough said. It is sad.

In other news...

Noah and Samuel are doing awesome. They are getting so tall. And so loud. I think they may be out of their shells now. Thank God they sleep well! I need a break from all that constant energy. They are still taking 1 1/2 - 2 hour long naps, too. They are eating more and more foods and I would no longer call them picky. They are pretty daring and eat a variety of foods that most kids won't touch. Last night at dinner Samuel said, "I loooove green beans."

Noah is doing #2 pretty consistently on the toilet and is beginning to let us know when he is going #1. Sometimes he will ask to go #1 on the toilet. Samuel has almost no interest in going on the toilet. He's not afraid of it - he will sit there. I think what gets him on the toilet is the possibility of being rewarded for it. Currently the boys are allowed candy and a Cars pull-up with they go #2 on the potty. We don't really have a #1 reward because there's not much interest in #1. I know, I know, you didn't really want to read about potty training!

We've had a lot of "stuff" going on here, and when I can post about it I will. I've been spending a lot of time praying and trying to stay close to God through it all and I think I'm succeeding with that.

I'm "Twisted"

2009-05-29T22:58:00.002-04:00

Chuck would agree with that statement, though not for the reason I'm about to share!

I have had a tremendous amount of pain in my right hip since before Tristan was born. Last year Memorial Day weekend marked when the "miserable pregnant" feeling set in for me. Something shifted... or I grew... whatever happened I began to have sciatica on my right side. By the end of my pregnancy every.single.step hurt. My mom was here and wanted to go out and about shopping and I just couldn't do it because it hurt too much to walk around. One night at Walmart I broke down and drove one of the wheelchair carts (which was dangerous because I am not a good driver!).

I really thought all that pain would go away as soon as I had the baby. (I also thought all my swelling would instantly go away, but that's another story.) It didn't. I've had a lot of pain in my right hip. I've even seen my primary care doctor about it and she threatened me with physical therapy. She knows I don't have time for that!

We may have fantastic insurance, but it doesn't cover chiropractic care. So, even though I've known I need to see a chiropractor, I've drug my feet because I'm cheap. But I finally broke down and went today. X-rays were taken and things don't look so good in my lower back and pelvis. It seems I'm pretty twisted to the right. I had to turn my head a little to the side to look at the x-rays - that's how bad it looked. I cautiously asked the doctor, "Can you fix it?" And he seems confident that he can get me straightened out (too bad it'll only be my back and pelvis, huh!).

So I had my first adjustment. I'm not sure if I feel any better. We'll see. I'm just so grateful I'm finally taking care of this (though my wallet is not).

So yes, I am indeed twisted. But not in the way Chuck thinks!

Back from MI

2009-05-26T22:18:00.002-04:00

We got back from MI this morning. It was a wonderful trip in so many ways and a hard trip in a lot of ways.

Chuck and I have made a pact that we will never again stay in a one-room hotel room with all three kids again. Never. No matter the cost. I was more sleep deprived last week than I ever was when Tristan was a newborn. This girl needs sleep to maintain sanity.

We saw so many awesome friends on our trip. We of course saw our family, but I also saw a lot of friends that I haven't seen in years. Facebook has proved to be quite the tool for connecting with old friends!

On Wednesday I hung out with my friend Christa from high school while Chuck slept (we drove Tuesday night). She has four little girls and had a ton of stuff for the kids to do. The boys had their first experience playing with a hose and running through a sprinkler. That night we got to hang with my mom and sister for a while before crashing early (since we drove all night).

Thursday we took the boys to the Detroit Zoo. We had a blast. It worked well to keep the twins in the double stroller. They felt secure that way while looking at all the big "mimi's" and "tutu's." We gave them their first ever ice cream cones and let them make a huge mess of themselves. That night we hung out with my sister and brother in law and after that I ventured out to see my friend DJ.

Friday I got to see Amanda, who I haven't seen in God only knows how long. I have been friends with her since second grade. Crazy! Chuck took the boys swimming and they had a blast. When naptime rolled around, Amanda and I took Tristan to the mall and met up with my mom and stepdad. We shopped and then headed back over to the hotel room after naptime was over. My mom cooked up an Arabic food feast for us so we chowed. After bedtime I headed out to see my college friend, Michelle. I haven't seen her in about 10 years. There aren't many people out there who know "Juli during college." Michelle knows and still loves me! It was great catching up with her and hearing where life has taken her (she has been ALL over the world... I'm so jealous!).

Saturday we hooked up with some of our very favorite people - the Antonucci's. Vince recently left our church to start one in Las Vegas. We miss them terribly and it was so cool that Vince was speaking in MI the same weekend we were visiting. The hotel they stayed in had a waterpark so we had some fun there.

And then it happened.

Over the loud speaker we heard, "Due to an unfortunate event, we will have to close the pool for 45 minutes." We were not happy about that. I mean really - why would they close the pool for that long? What's the deal? And then I had this sick feeling in my stomach and asked Chuck to check the boys' diapers. Samuel was fine. Noah, umm not so much. I held tightly to Tristan and asked Chuck if he would take care of it since I had Tristan. I'm glad he did because from what he told me I don't think I could have handled it. We were so completely embarrassed and probably apologized to every employee twice. That evening Vince spoke at a local church and Chuck went with him. Me, Jen, and the kids went to Olive Garden. I never go out to eat with the kids alone and I'm so glad Jen is understanding and helpful. It was stressful... and of course the boys cried over silly things multiple times. By the end of the meal I had all three kids sitting next to me somehow. Tristan was thankfully in a good mood. I just felt bad for the people who had to sit near us. Note to self: Don't dine out with the kids without Chuck until the twins are in middle school! That night we met up with a family that started a church outside of Detroit a few years ago. Our church was involved with getting that church started, so it was neat to meet them and hear how things are going. They also have twins (2 1/2 year old girls) so it gave me some new perspective on parenting twin toddlers. It's just not easy whether they are adopted or not!

The following day Chuck went to check out the newer church while I stayed with the kids. We had talked about going as a family, but Chuck wanted to go super early to see them set up and Tristan woke up with a fever. So, I stayed back while Chuck went. After lunchtime Chuck loaded up the kids and took them for a drive (aka naptime) while I slept in the hotel room for a few hours. Tristan went on some kind of sleep strike and by Sunday I was losing it from lack of sleep. That was wonderful! That evening we hung out with the Antonucci's and the family with the twins. We had pizza, roasted marshmallows, and talked for hours. The kids had a blast and we're pretty sure that Samuel ate a bunch of sand. Don't ask why we think this. It is gross.

Monday morning we met up again with the Antonucci's one last time for breakfast. Then we packed up our hotel room and Chuck went to sleep at my sister's house while I went and visited some high school friends. The boys had a blast playing and it was just like old times seeing my friends Randy and Jenny. Jenny was a surrogate last year for a couple and I just think that is amazing.

Last night we left my sister's house at about 8:15. I drove for the first four hours and then Chuck took over and drove all night. We pulled in at about 7:45 this morning. Both Chuck and I have had naps but we are so ready for bed!

All in all, it was a good trip other than the sleep situation. Seriously, I wish we could "warp" like we did in Super Mario Brothers because driving to MI is not fun. I'd go back a lot more often if I could warp!

Wearing Them Out

2009-05-17T21:48:00.003-04:00

That's what it's all about with twin 3 year old boys. We look for ways to wear them out.

We assumed they were too young for an outdoor trampoline.

We were wrong!

A few weeks ago we visited some friends and our boys tried out their trampoline and had an absolute ball. Thanks to the generosity of many people, we've been given money for stuff for the kids. We've kept it tucked away and waited to see how we should use it. After seeing all the fun the boys had on the trampoline, we knew that would be our next purchase. And a few days later our BJ's coupons came in the mail and there was a $40 off coupon for a trampoline with an enclosure. So, Chuck went and bought it on Friday, put it together yesterday... and it has pretty much not stopped raining since it went up :( Seriously, the boys got 5 minutes of jumping in and the rain started.

It's supposed to be sunny by tomorrow afternoon and I assure you that I will be out back wearing those boys out!

$89.34 Makes Me Grateful

2009-05-17T14:20:00.002-04:00

I just wrote a check for $89.34 to the hospital. That amount is greatly reduced from the original 18K bill we first received for having Tristan.

Growing up, I lived outside of Detroit when the automotive industry was booming. Excellent health benefits were one of the bonuses of living in that area. I never knew that some people just don't have health insurance until I moved to the South in 2000.

Thankfully, we live in the South and have excellent health insurance. With Chuck's early retirement from the Coast Guard, we will never go without health insurance. And today I am so thankful for that.

Pulling Up

2009-05-14T08:09:00.002-04:00

Well, it began yesterday.

Tristan is pulling up on anything he can get his hands on: the crib, the pack n play, the box of diapers, the end table. If he can get a grasp on it, he's going to try.

Unfortunately he's still pretty wobbly and has already suffered a goose egg on his head because of that.

And he's so dang proud of himself when he pulls himself up! We are too.

Tomorrow Tristan will be NINE months old. How is that possible?

We love this little guy so much. It is such a blessing to watch a baby grow. You know, not through pictures like we did with the twins.

That's all for now...

MI

2009-05-11T22:43:00.003-04:00

Hey Michigan peeps!! I'm going to be in MI soon (not gonna share exact dates on the internet) and would like to try to get together with as many people as I can while there. Please send me an email at julicason@yahoo.com if you'd like to try to get together.

Thanks!

I'm just gonna put it out there...

2009-05-11T09:33:00.002-04:00

I had a great Mother's Day. Breakfast in bed and all that kind of jazz doesn't happen when your husband is a pastor and has to leave the house early. That's okay, though, because I'd be freaked about getting crumbs in the sheets. I did get surprised after church with Chuck taking all three kids home and letting me have some time to myself after church. I went to lunch with my friends Dana and Samantha. Samantha is moving to Las Vegas on Tuesday to help start a church, so getting some hang-time with her was a bonus. We went to Taste Unlimited (local place and my first time) and it was yum.

I also got the Wii Fit and a bunch of accesories for it. I had asked for the Wii Fit and then unasked for it after researching it some. Chuck got it for me anyway and I'm glad he did. I had fun trying it out yesterday before we went to the oceanfront. We took the boys to see monster trucks at the beach. It was a lot more fun than I expected. It was really fun to walk on the boardwalk with the kids. It helped that they were all in good moods. We left promptly when Tristan started screaming.

Yesterday I got no less than 10 text messages with some sort of Happy Mother's Day message. I love technology - especially the ability to text message. I think it eliminates all kinds of useless chatter when you just have a simple question or statement. Chuck and I use it a bunch and it helps us stay connected throughout the day when we use it.

However, there is something not so warm and fuzzy about getting a text message that obviously went out to all the moms programmed in your cell phone. In fact, it felt more special when two separate strangers at the beach wished me a Happy Mother's Day.

I'm not posting this to shame anyone. I plan to stick to the good-ole-fashion telephone or card for special occasions. Maybe I'm wrong. Or old-fasioned. Just my opinion.

Toothy #2

2009-05-07T08:36:00.002-04:00

This morning I noticed that Tristan is getting another toothy - right next to the first one.

Maybe that explains the screamfest last night.

BUBBLES!!!!

2009-05-02T20:05:00.009-04:00

Okay...this is Chuck. And I'm temporarily comandeering Juli's blog. Today, the Cason's had a really cool day. Minus some minor trauma due to "Crash n' Burn" getting hair cuts (they fussed so badly that Papa was emotionally traumatized to last a lifetime). Anyway, to help heal the rotten memories of the day, I decided to do some extra amounts of play time (yes... extra... like in addition to the already obscene amounts in the normal schedule). This flowed right up until bedtime. The weather has been so sweet here, that I totally wanted to rock it in the back yard with them. Well, after Crash, Burn, and I had thrown the ball around, whacked the crap out of every tree and bush we could find with little LaCrosse sticks, and royaly wreaked havoc on the yard in general, we were ready for something a little more mellow. Juli's mom (The Judemeister) had bought the twins this automatic bubble blower device. Just pour in a little bit of bubble juice, turn it on, and let it rip. The boys were going so nuts over the whole scene, I had to go in and get the video camera. They were diggin' it hard. The footage below is the mellowed out, already getting old take. Had I been holding my camera for the first 15 mins, my lil JVC digital buddy might not have survived.

Now, for all of the parents who have seen Finding Nemo way too many times, like us, you are well acquainted with the scene where Nemo is first observed in his new tank, vs. the open ocean. He meets a character here that has an unhealthy facination with bubbles. He sees the little treasue chest open up, and chases the uprising bubbles, yelling, or maybe chanting, "BUBBLES!!!!" This is what both of the twins were yelling, no...quoting, as they were chasing the soapy deviants. Good times. Hope you enjoy the vid. And then you can all have your Juli back. Peace out.

He Crawls, He Falls

2009-04-26T14:20:00.003-04:00

Tristan is officially crawling. He's not fast yet, but soon.

Life will never be the same!

Of course he decided to master crawling while Chuck was out of town last week.

He also fell on his face and tore his frenulum while Chuck was out of town. A trip to the doctor confirmed that.

In case you're wondering or didn't know - injuries to the mouth bleed a lot. A LOT. There's just nothing quite like picking your baby up from a puddle of blood. I think Tristan handled it a whole lot better than I did.

He's totally okay. The doctor was surprised he was still sucking on his pacifier. He is one tough kid.

A few months in pictures...

2009-04-25T16:45:00.008-04:00

Gracie chillin' in Tristan's carseat

You can't see it, but that's his first Gerber puff

Toe snack

Jumped himself to sleep

Learning to crawl

Cutie

Tristan's mohawk... I don't think I've blogged about it yet

His hair does this all on its own... no help from us

He has two swirls on the top of his head

that push his hair into a perfect mohawk

Chewing on everything

We had our furnace repaired and the

repairmen let the boys play with his flashlight

This is Noah

A blurry Samuel

Reading a book

Working in the army crawl skills

Samuel on Chuck's skateboard

Noah... he was a natural on it

Tristan doing his jumping thing

They love their rollercoaster

He was new to sitting on his own in this pic

Roadtripping to Roanoke

Tristan's first rice cereal

What a face!

Us... very tired... and without makeup

First campout

They LOVE popcorn

Wearing Orange for Stellan

2009-04-21T08:35:00.002-04:00

This morning me and the kids are praying for baby Stellan, who is having really risky heart surgery. You can stop by MckMama's blog to read about Stellan, pray for him, encourage her and her family, and get updates. If there isn't a recent post, scroll down and read the updates via Twitter in the left margin.

Wowza

2009-04-19T19:00:00.002-04:00

10 years ago today I married the greatest guy in the world.

I really am the luckiest gal around.

And in 30 minutes we are going on our first real date since kids. I can't wait!!

Puffs Update

2009-04-19T07:23:00.002-04:00

Tristan ate banana puffs last night without any hesitation.

I'm guessing Jodie was right and it was a texture issue.

Anticlimactic

2009-04-17T22:30:00.003-04:00

Up until today (and with the exception of trying rice cereal a handful of times), Tristan has been exclusively breastfed. I was really looking forward to introducing baby food, but when we went to the doctor at 4 months, he told me to wait until 6 months. At 6 months we tried out rice cereal the week leading up to the 6 month appointment. The doctor suggested not adding solids to Tristan's diet just yet because he doesn't need them. He is thriving. So, we decided to do just that. I realize that there are many opinions/ideas/schools of thought on this. Please trust that this wasn't a flippant decision on our part. We did our homework and have decided that this works for us. (That's my nice way of asking for no comments on this subject, thanks.)

However, we've been wondering if he might like to try the baby puffs. Keeping him happy while we eat dinner (he sits in his high chair and throws toys on the floor) has not been easy and we decided to give him some puffs while we eat.

I was really excited. What would he do? Would the puff really melt in his mouth? Would he like them?

So, we sat down for dinner tonight and put a puff on Tristan's tray. He of course picked it up and shoved it in his mouth because he does that with everything. ;)

And then he spit it out.

He did this over and over again. But, he did enjoy playing with them and they did keep him quiet while we ate, so I guess they were good for something.

The puffs were banana flavored. Chuck hates bananas. He's very proud that Tristan apparently hates bananas too. Lovely.

And after dinner Noah the scavenger ate the puffs that Tristan dropped on the floor. Super lovely.

The whole deal was rather anticlimactic. Maybe a different flavor will do the trick.

8 Months

2009-04-16T21:23:00.003-04:00

Yesterday Tristan turned 8 months old. I know I say this all the time, but seriously - where does the time go?! Just yesterday he was this tiny blob that couldn't do anything and now he is all over the place!

Tristan has turned into a pretty mellow baby... except for when he's unhappy. Then he screams. But he's pretty mellow compared to his first three months of life. I was so worried he had my temperment (that would be crabby...), but he really seems to be a very happy little guy. He is such a joy. His little smile melts my heart and lets me know everything is going to be okay. He loves his big brothers and when he is being fussy they are able to make him laugh.

This month we've had all sorts of new things happen with Tristan. He got his first tooth last week and it is so cute! He is waking up a lot at night, so I know his gums are bothering him. Tristan is also so.very.close to crawling. He knows how to do it, but likes the speed of the army crawl, so he'll choose to do that after trying out the real crawl. When Tristan spots something he wants, he stops at nothing to get it. Tristan will still spend a decent amount of time in his Jumperoo - which is a good thing because he jumps while I'm making dinner. He is also spending longer stretches in the pack and play, just playing away. Just last week we moved Tristan up to size 4 diapers. The 3's still worked, but they were getting harder to close up. I also pulled out 12 month clothing since Tristan's 6-9 month clothes are getting tight. The 12 months clothes are roomy, but he'll be filling them out in no time, I'm sure. Just yesterday I weighed Tristan here at home and he was 20 1/2 pounds. His infant car seat only goes up to 22 pounds, so we may be buying a new car seat sooner than we like! Tristan also loves to swing. About a month ago we had a swingset put up in the backyard and got Tristan a toddler swing. He likes to sit in it and swing and has even napped in it. Late edit: We had to lower Tristan's crib all the way to the lowest setting (it was at the medium setting) because he is pulling himself up on his knees and chewing on the rail.

8 months is sentimental for us because we met the twins as they were turning 8 months. They were so tiny in comparison. Noah was 15 lbs and Samuel was 13 lbs - and they were some of the bigger babies in the orphanage! They really weren't doing very much physically - they didn't play like Tristan does. They weren't scooting around. In fact, I have a picture of Noah laying on his belly and propping himself up on his elbows. It's just night and day as I think about where the twins were at developmentally.

As we waited for the twins, we knew we were missing out on all sorts of milestones. But as Tristan shows us daily his new tricks, well it just kind of amplifies for me all that we missed out on with Noah and Samuel. It angers me. It makes me sad. I so wish we could have had them home earlier. That we could have shared in all the firsts. I pray and trust that Joel 2:25 will become a reality for us, that God will repay all the years the locusts ate.

Breaking News!

2009-04-07T10:37:00.002-04:00

Literally.

Yesterday was a mometous day here at the Cason Home. Tristan's first toothy decided to break through and make it's appearance.

I would love to show you a picture, but Tristan does not like showing it off. He screams, actually, and not in a way that makes the tooth visible (cuz I'd totally take a picture of him screaming if it meant catching the toothy on film).

It is his bottom right tooth and I believe most process on the appearance of this tooth has been taking place between 11 pm and 3 am these last few weeks.

Let the drooling begin!!

In Addition...

2009-04-07T10:21:00.003-04:00

I knew my post yesterday would ruffle some feathers. Honestly, I wanted it to. I really hoped it would make people take a look at what is driving their views on Madonna's situation. The smug cheers of people over this situation turn my stomach.

It's not my desire to debate this issue, because I have no desire to change my mind on this. I respect the thoughts and opinions of others, so I will post all comments on this. But I'm not going to debate this.

I purposefully didn't comment on the legal aspects, but I do have some thoughts on that as well that I will share.

Luke 16: 1-18 is the Parable of the Shrewd Manager and it is what drives my opinion. The take away that I pull from this parable is to use our worldy influence and wealth to impact eternity. That is what I see Madonna and Angelina Jolie and any other celebrity with a fast-tracked adoption doing. From this perspective, I don't care what the law says. If they are able to use their wealth and position to give an orphan a home, I don't care that they don't have to go through the same process as everyone else. No, it's not fair. But there is no promise in the Bible that I can find that says life will be fair.

Overall, it's about what's driving our heart as we look at this situation.

Disgusted - A Rant

2009-04-06T14:08:00.002-04:00

So, Madonna has been in the news lately over her desire to adopt again from Malawi.

I was really sad on Friday when I learned that her adoption was denied. You see, we were matched with our kids and then had to go through the long process of adopting them. I can't imagine how hard it would have been if a judge decided not to grant our adoption. My heart goes out to Madonna.

I was sickened to learn that there are many people applauding the denied adoption. What??

In the news report that I listened to on public radio they suggested that Madonna support this little girl and her community instead. I absolutely hate how we take our Americanized ideas and experience and try to put them to work in other cultures! It just doesn't work. For example, this little girl and her community may become despised for having riches lavished on them while neighboring communities struggle. They may end up in a cycle of relying on others rather than working to meet their own needs. And the list goes on.

A Christian group that I almost aligned myself with last fall suggested that Christians raise money to support this little girl until she reaches adulthood. They were happy that Madonna's adoption was denied. The reason they didn't think the adoption should take place is because this little girl has extended family who should care for her. They suggested raising $160 a year (the average yearly income in Malawi) for this little girl so that she can be cared for by family. What does that say to all the other struggling families??

What bothers me the most about this situation is that there are two groups who seem to be the most happy about this denied adoption - some child advocacy groups and adopting parents.

If child advocacy groups truly care about the well being of MILLIONS of orphans, then why would they work SO HARD to stop an adoption? Why would they suddenly be looking to help this one particular little girl rather than orphans as a whole? Why would they wait to raise their voices until a celebrity tried to adopt?

Adoptive parents are also causing a stir. As an adoptive parent who waited a very, very, very long time for my kids to come home, I feel like I have the right to weigh in on this. If I truly know the heartache of wanting my kids to come home, of going through an adoption, of paying way too much money for paperwork - why would I want someone else's adoption to fail? Why would I point the finger and be angry about a fast-tracked adoption when it is really about what is best for the child? Why would I cheer and feel like justice has been served when another orphan will remain an orphan? It is sick and I'm disgusted by the behavior that I'm seeing.

And on another topic - why on earth was the press so aware of Madonna's court proceedings? I wonder if things would have gone differently if the press didn't cover it so extensively. I sure hope that Madonna appeals the decision. She has every right to do so.

In the Bible, James 1:27 tells us we are to look after orphans. So, I challenge you - especially if you are a Christian and have cheered for Madonna's loss - what are you doing to help orphans?

End of rant.

Special

2009-04-01T22:45:00.002-04:00

I find myself constantly thinking about what I was doing this time last year. I've been doing it basically since a year from when we learned we were pregnant (late November). So much has changed that I can't help but think about how different life was just a year ago.

Well, the first week of April last year we knew we were expecting a baby boy. I was in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy, so I had energy and no pain :). (That third trimester was killer on my back.) I also spent the week with my Dad. I had a flight voucher that I needed to use up so I went to visit my Dad in central Florida. The weather was not yet too hot. And I relaxed.

I mean really relaxed.

My personality type is such that I never sit still. There is always something to do and I feel guilty if I'm not working on something. I had no projects or work to do while visiting my Dad. We slept in, watched TV, ate out a bunch, did Sudoku puzzles, and hung out with some of his friends. We went to the beach and to Busch Gardens and celebrated Dad's birthday. It was an awesome, relaxing time. It was also one on one time with just my Dad and I loved that. It was a really special week - both as it was happening and in retrospect. I know it will always be a time I look back on fondly.

So, Dad, if you're reading I just want to thank you again for a special time last year. A lot has changed since and I'm so glad we got to spend that time together. I will always remember it and be thankful for it.